Sunday, May 21, 2006

you know, in a scary, somewhat weird way, i can see myself becoming like my mother. the very thought of me growing up to be like her makes me cringe, and yet sometimes it seems kinda inevitable. i was looking out of my window, just slacking and enjoying my perfectly wonderful sunday, and then i saw a rather interesting sight. there was this dad who sat near the pool who walked over to the poolside every now and then to instruct his son on the front crawl.. hmmm.. i wondered. why dont you 1) get into the pool and swim yourself? 2) why dont you just get a swimming instructor? its like either he cant really swim himself and doesnt want to attempt to in front of his son.. or.. maybe its like he used to be a swimmer himself but now is so far from his glory days that the thought of stepping into that large body of water is simply too painful. sigh. and then i realised that (horror of horrors) i can sort of understand why. its like you got a little lost along your way in life, made your mistakes, hurt people, and also got hurt along the way. and you dont want that to happen to your precious one.. dont want him/her to miss the chances that you did. dont want them to miss out on the things you wished you had a chance to do.. and so you pin all your hopes and unfulfilled dreams on that darling of yours.. maybe if not in my lifetime, then in yours.. if im not good enough.. then maybe you are.. and you can be good enough.. you will be good enough dammit. i will make sure you are.. whatever i was not able to be.. its sort of like a second chance at life.. in that way i can sort of understand why my parents scream at me.. why they nag... how come theyre such pain the ***es sometimes.. and then sometimes im able to see past their idiosyncrasies and weird habits to what they once might have been.. somewhat like me.. and this is where it starts getting scary.. oh no.. oh no no no no no..! how can it be.. i just saw my mum and my uncle arguing.. or rather having a heated debate.. on how to split the cost of my grandfather's medical bill.. is that all that i will become? is that my fate.. that i have to be resigned to for the rest of my life once i have grown up? :S *shivers at the frightening thought* will i become one of those aunties at the market haggling over the price of a sliver of meat, or a tiny piece of this or that? and so the child in me cries out.. NOOOOO.. NOOOOOOOOO! never! let me stay in never-never-land like forever.. i want to be happy and carefree.. and life to be oh so simple.. *pouts and whines simultaneously* i want frienships and siblingships and what-have-you-ships to be what they are.. and not soured by money-matters.. and complicated adult stuff.. oh why cant i go back to be a nice little mg girl who loves going to school and wants nothing more than that....
sigh.. oh wells, enough of me whining about what i cant change.. unless i can somehow rewind time.. (which i think is highly possible, except that humans are too dimwitted to figure out how) yeah so i found this on someone else's blog which i think one of my friends would find very nice reading.. yeah.. so i guess youll know who you are when you read it..
Lover
I see couples holding hands,
Crushes developing.
Why do I need to worry?
I have the greatest lover holding me in his arms.
He’ll never let me go.
He’ll always love me, encourage me, and guide me.
He sees my flaws but loves me just as I am.
He loves me enough to correct and discipline me.
He knows me inside out, more than I know myself.
My weaknesses and flaws are not hidden from him.
Yet, he takes joy in my strengths.
He sympathises with me,
Weeps when I weep,
Laughs when I laugh.
You can have your boyfriends,
But I’ll stick to my King, the Lover of my soul.

Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous êtes venu au faux endroit.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

6:33 pm

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