Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous ĂȘtes venu au faux endroit.
Monday, July 31, 2006
amazingly, i have survived today intact and in one whole piece despite being unprepared for the day to the maximum. three cheers for me. hahahahaha. well, murphys law seemed to have found in me a nice companion this morning. i didnt even plan on going to school man. and due to a series of unfortunate events, there i was. oh wells, to those who saw me sulking this morning, really sorry for like souring your day or something. anyways. i think its kinda odd.. if not funny. my mums expecting/waiting for my teacher to talk to me, and my teacher is expecting/waiting for my mum to knock some sense into my head. so here i am, waiting waiting, tralala. whens it gonna end... you know, i think (or rather part of me thinks).. gail, just grow up and get a life. youve got the chance of a lifetime to do both the things you like. dont blow it now. and the other me just snorts and ignores.. err, herself? harharharharhar. alrighty, as you can see, in a very weird mood, typing alot of crappy stuff. but oh wells, my fingers felt like they needed the exercise. they feel kinda happier now:)
10:39 pm
Sunday, July 30, 2006
you know, sometimes i feel like being spoilt and immature.. and feel like shouting, screaming and throwing a tantrum and at the end of it all, get my way. this is one of those times. if i had a choice, i wouldnt go to school tomorrow.. and if i had my way, there would no consequenses. as it is, im trying to find some lame way of explaining my abscence from school on friday. so if i dont show my face in school tomorrow, ill be having a super extended weekend. which would be nice.. though a potentially stupid decision, considering all the stuff ill miss. not like im exactly on par with everything. actually, quite the contrary. rrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggghhhhhhhhh. if you let me choose, id be lying in my bed, dreaming of goodness knows what, slipping quietly into dreamland. so what am i doing here, trying to find articles to stuff into my gp file so it doesnt look so sad? i dunno. you answer that question for me. i can feel the gates to dreamland being rolled open and the drawbridge being lowered already. i mean, cant you hear the choirs singing, and the happy squeals of the little kiddies frolicking around? (the reason why the little kiddies are already there is that they get to go to bed earlier, unlike us poor souls) dont you feel like joining them, instead of sitting/standing where ever you are, staring at this sad little computer screen, trying to make out what exactly i it is that i am talking about..? sometimes i really do wonder. oh wells, i was gonna say more, but my sister has to fulfill her duty as a good student and do some stuff on the computer, so tata.
10:34 pm
Friday, July 28, 2006
oh my gosh people, this is the ultimate. you have absolutely no idea what you are missing if you do not go for from eve to mary.. showing only for a limited time at mgs, from today till saturday, two shows daily.. you know, i kinda thought that it was sort of a rip off, 30/40 dollars for some show, put up by mg.. believe me, it is worth each and every cent. it is so good, i wanna watch it all over again.. even though my wallet already has this HUGE hole in it, and considering that my evenings are rather packed tomorrow and the day after.. quote unquote shyna, ITS DA BOMB! i mean seriously, without any tinge of biasness, i can say that the choir was excellent.. really great singing, some of them.. some of the acting was really really awesome.. im amazed that this thing was put up by mg man.. (sorry lah.. mg has gotten much pro-er after i left) though the soldier marching part could have been a little tighter and unified.. and oh my gosh, the golgotha scene is really really poignant. its like i was there physically.. when jesus was nailed to the cross.. this is my god.. the one who always seems to be all so high and mighty and wonderful.. this, my god, the one who if he chose could let us just rot away in hell.. it really felt like i was one of those onlookers just staring on, and not doing anything.. just standing by and watching a man being crucified.. only.. he is and was more than merely a man..
speaking of mg, i went back for the founders day things just yesterday. feels like an age ago.. the last last last until cannot last official thing tying us all back to our school to whom we owe so much.. or at least.. to which i owe so much.. it was really nice to see everybody again.. almost like the good old days.. almost. its a little different maybe? we're all wearing the badges of different schools now.. but oh well. didnt really get to catch up. rargh. man, wish ac would be just a little bit more accomodating sometimes..
12:37 am
Sunday, July 23, 2006
hmm. so it is over. a journey that began some months ago when i went for this audition in this far far away school which seemed like on the other end of singapore, and whose people seemed rather unwelcoming. i guess over what seems like very many days of missing classes (i seem to be rather behind right now) the cab ride to rj has somehow become a familiarity and the colours of white and green have become.. a little more pleasing to the eye. i think. this whole thing feels so short yet so long, so long yet so short. its my first time playing in a symphony orchestra thingy man! woots! haha, sorry couldnt help it.. yeah, it somehow seems like ive known these bass people for a long long time.. yu zhe my desk partner whos so cute he reminds me of when all of us were younger, shyna chow who'll always be shyna chow:), kevin the super zai person, and of course francesca whos really sweet.. okay maybe not long long time, but longer than it actually is.. making music together bonds people? *raises eyebrows* or at least.. makes people feel bonded? oh wells.. you know, like how shamsul maidin said his first world cup will always have that special place in his memory.. i guess this will have a place in mine too.. the times when i play something so totally off that the cellos at the back turn around and wonder what happened.. and i try to look as though nothing happened.. the times i wondered what on earth was i doing there at all.. but it was all worth it.. hearing the sound of the piano just floating right to you and filling the place.. its just so sweet.. snatches of it keep flitting around my brain.. just as well.. i cant seem to find a recording of it.. waiting for the shifting of stuff before the moldau i just felt so tired.. i felt like closing my eyes and falling asleep. then the thought of nodding off and falling flat on my face with the double bass making a big bag woke me up. a little. during the rapids part i kinda lost coordination of my fingers a little.. heh.. i kind of hope nobody noticed since everybody was making a whole lot of noise going down the rushing river.. yeah actually throughout the whole thing i made my fair share of mistakes.. im just so thankful to god for carrying me through.. even though i didnt know it at the time.. oh yes, and id like to remember mr lims words that music should be from your heart like forever...
hmm. enough of talking about what is unchangeable.. anyways. for those who know, TWO MORE DAYS!!! well, around there at least.. i cannot wait. *brings on another bout of reminscing* yeah to all you people out there.. i cant wait to see yoooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...! yeah for those who arent going no matter what the reason.. well, im sure you have your reasons.. yup youll always be a part of mg anyway..
9:53 pm
Monday, July 17, 2006
well. you could say today has been an eventful day of sorts. although there was ample time during the day here and there to stone. first major event of the day being the 31st students council investiture. well, from the beginning i could sorta sense this feeling of sadness pervading, even though it wasnt exactly obvious.. its a beginning for some, and an end for others.. the beginning of the end for some, and perhaps the end of the beginning (?) for others still. even though i do not personally know any of the 30ths students council, so that i could say that i am their friend, seeing them around school, doing their everyday thing, especially the more visible ones, has given me an insight into their lives. like this person has a particularly wacky nature.. or so and so is respected by his/her peers.. you know, things like that. not that i even know their names or anything. but watching them walk past down the centre aisle in the school hall was rather heart wrenching for me. some bravely held back their tears by contorting their faces in the hope of not letting them fall. some let the silent tears fall, but only after a struggle not to. a few cried unashamedly. others still seemed to have a face set in stone. but i guess whatever the outward appearance, inside is probably a tumult. (that word looks so wrong) some more and some less.. but one can only imagine what theyre feeling right now. just watching these leaders of my school for the past half a year has given me a sense of how much each and every one of these students has grown.. from being strangers, to becoming friends that you know you can rely on.. the time they must have spent labouring for some project or another, so as to make acjc a better place for you and for me.. (yesyes i know i sound kind of cliched.. forgive me) all the late nights, all the lost voices? yeah and all the little sacrifices that i probably will never know.. maybe not all are as noble that their main reason of running for council was because they wanted to serve the school.. i really dont think so.. but i guess over the past year plus that has become the reason they are still doing the things that you and i probably wouldnt be doing if we had a choice.. and i guess what i really wanted to say.. was that im really proud of the 30th students council. yesyes i know, i dont even know them personally.. i dont know their story. but just by imagining.. oh gosh im really sure theyre gonna miss ac like dunno-what. i wonder if the next batch knows exactly what theyre getting themselves into.. anyways. i guess it is true then. it is only in giving that you truly receive.. maybe i should start giving more of myself instead of being such a miserly old grump.. hmmm...
tired... so tired...
10:46 pm
Sunday, July 16, 2006
my dad
my dad can be very sweet sometimes.. knowing that my sis didnt exactly have the best of days yesterday, and that she was coming back from church camp tonight, my dad whipped up this whole "vietnamese-style" noodle thingy. at first it was hey im boiling some dumplings for rachel when she gets back, you want or not.. then being me, i said yes. and i guess it was one of those times where when you start doing a nice act, you wanna make it really nice.. and so, the noodles with dumplings.. oh my gosh, it smells so nice okay.. well, smelled at least.. and it tasted great too. i tell you my dad is so amazing, he can cook the nicest of stuff when he feels like it.. i mean, have you ever tried his fried ice cream? or his brownies? (okay maybe the brownies dont count cos theyre probably from the packet) or his fried rice? and his omelette?!? it may sound like just and omelette, but somehow it tastes like much more than that.. he was the person i learnt from to put milk into the egg to make it taste nicer.. (but not too much though, it tastes weirded after that) and it was he who taught me how to make noodles have a nicer, springier texture by putting them into cold water when theyre half done then back into boiling water again.. its the hot-cold-hot shock treatment hahaha.. i later on learnt that it really does work when i saw jamie oliver do it on tv.. oh wells, not that im a great cook or anything.. but im really proud of the fact that i can at least ensure my survival should the need ever arise even though i never took home ec.. woots! three cheers for mepers! yeah anyway.. so there we were, sitting around the dining table, eating noodles at half past midnight.. giving me a warm, happy feeling inside.. and here i am, at half past one in the middle of the night, feeling super full.. but if he suddenly felt like serving up another round of noodles or whatnot (which he wont cos 1) hes sleeping 2) he says that im growing fat) i would eat it.. just so that we can share that feeling while eating again. that we're family.. and we're on common ground.. not i dunno.. like we have something against each other.. cos i dont listen.. or cos im too stubborn.. but in a way we're both stubborn lah.. when everything has died down, and i look back, i realise that im the unreasonable one.. the uncompromising one.. and yeah, as my parents they dont deserve my behaviour.. but pride comes in the way of saying sorry, pride comes in the way of acknowledging that yes, im in the wrong.. and so, even though youll probably never read this, thank you daddy for everything youve done for me, all the sacrifices, all the times when you did things for me and i never even thanked you sincerely. for all the times you put up with all my nonsense when others would have walked away. and even though sometimes youre not really there, thank you for helping me grow into who i am today.
heh. now it sounds like im celebrating fathers day one month late or something. oh well.
1:13 am
Friday, July 14, 2006
just finished reading this fanfic. its given me a very bleh feeling.. it just served to make my eyes tired-er. if theres such a thing. i shall have to postpone my work-doing to tomorrow then.. oh gail the procrastinator.. (but i somehow feel that getting through this week is an amazing achievement, so yeah..) well quite obviously its about harry potter.. the only fanfic i ever read.. i would read wheel of time, but im not up to par yet.. if anybody would like to be really nice, and has a lot of cash to spare, they could always give me the whole set.. :) yes, as i was saying.. i would like to complain about the story.. firstly, the storyline is not that believable.. i mean yeah, if youre a die-hard potter fan sure, youd drink everything in.. secondly, i seriously have something against long rambling endings that serve to round everything up in such a nice happy fashion. i like short sweet endings which leave some stuff to the imagination.. you know, at least if i have nothing better to dream about, i could always dream of the ending.. oh wells, but it was good for one thing though.. at least the final battle was okay-ly done.. not fantastic writing, but it did give me some adrenaline rush.. rather odd though.. didnt realise harry could be so smart. id thought he would rely on a little more experimental magic.. i mean, yeah, he did.. sorta.. but the way it was written made it feel planned.. haha i think i shall stop here.. the more i write, the less anybody will feel like reading it.. and if you still feel like reading it, its called Harry Potter and the Orb of Slytherin by mcjazzman32. i realised today the difference between being an mg girl and someone who grew up in a school like raffles. im glad i went to mg. anyway. i was wondering.. will i ever come close to becoming the best friend i can be the best student i can be the best daughter i can be the best musician i can be the best bassist i can be the best sister i can be the best i can be? i seem to be disappointing people of late.. not excluding yours truly.. or rather ive been living in ignorance for the past dunno how many years of my life? man, i should stop wondering and actually do something about it all, huh?
11:04 pm
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
you know, today is just one of those days when you just feel like sighing.. i feel so young yet so old. so much of a future before me and yet im being held back. everything seems impossible sometimes. and maybe this is one of those times. okay maybe not everything is impossible. ive got my friends, ive got my family, and of course i have my god.. but i just wanna be free hey, btw, if your friends start telling you to eat, you probably should. its not good for you to not eat.
9:34 pm
Saturday, July 08, 2006
hey. i have no idea why but my eyelids feel so heavy.. just feel like dropping to sleep.. even though i havent done anything much today besides visiting old friends and lugging this huge heavy instrument which i so endearingly call my double bass up and down, around and around.. its like one long marathon, except that somehow or other lactic acid in your legs seem easier to tolerate than lactic acid in your arms.. i tell you, if i do my pull-ups on monday or something, ill do so much better harahr.. heh i am currently listening to simple plan.. yeah i know i know.. but its my kinda like my favourite thing to listen to when youre going through teenage angst or something.. or that had a bad day song by that daniel powter person.. but hey simple plan songs and me have come very far together okay.. ive got a soft spot for this bunch of crazy people who jump around as if their jumping will make or break their performance.. and who wear eyeliner.. heh. i like the lead singers outfit from the mtv of mr brightside.. dont really get the song though.. anyways. one of these days im gonna wear a lot of eyeliner and one of those really goth looking outfits.. and scare the whole world away.. whoopee so fun! :) okay this is bad.. this is what happens when youve got too many things to say at the same time.. you end up not having anything to say.. like how in exams, when you study alot alot.. you kinda stall.. because theres too much info swimming around in your head, and in exams its a matter of plucking out the right bits in the right order and putting them down on paper.. now simple plan has put me in a procrastinaty mood. how naughty of me.. yeah just that there were so many things swimming, but now there are none. heh. come back, thoughts..
9:38 pm
bleh. i was feeling all happy thinking about how i "repaired" the phone line thingy and the toilet bowl pipe thingy and the window had to go and close on me.. humph. oh wells.. everybody my charger has been found!! haha everythings back to normal now.. oh no.. that means im becoming dependant on my phone.. *gasps* anyways the rehearsal thing yesterday went a lot better than i expected.. he skipped the whole potentially screw-up part.. i heaved such a huge sigh of relief... some parts are so sweet i just get lost.. literally.. then im like oh shit where am i? and hope nobody notices anything is wrong..
9:14 am
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
i am so tired. i just wanna go to bed.. but the faster i go to bed, the earlier i shall have to face tomorrow.. i wanna lie down, close my eyes, and sleep forever.. and wake up at the end of it.. by that time, none of anything would matter anyway.. save me somebody......
8:37 pm
Monday, July 03, 2006
i went to esplanade today and there happened to be this free dance thingy going on so i stayed to watch.. its one of those dance schools who happen to be going overseas for some dance competition or other.. its funny how schools and what not say how theyre representing singapore in these international competitions.. i mean yeah, they are the only singaporean team competing in it, but there wasnt exactly very much competition to go and compete anyways.. they all pick different ones to go compete in.. the first dance i kinda liked.. but i think i saw it at this years mg dance night.. okay ive just been corrected that its an arts festival in moscow.. so sorry.. anyways.. some parts were so poignant i actually had shivers down my spine.. hars.. the next one was a couple dance about dreaming or something like that.. i was super unimpressed with it.. yes i know im not a dancer.. it takes a lot of effort.. but still, its the kind of work where you have to be so in control of each and every fibre of each and every muscle.. so that each and every minuscule twitch was planned for and delibrate.. so, bleh. nono. the other one i liked alot alot.. more than the first actually.. was the one about asian women or something like that.. but i kinda disagree with some parts of their introduction though.. yeah a bit hard to say it out in words.. but it was so beautiful.. anyways.. the next one was so forgetable and so unable-to-leave-a-lasting-impression.. and so i-have-so-super-no-idea-what-their-point-was that i shall make no comment.. the last one was the like the most oh-my-goodness-what-on-earth-did-i-just-witness of the lot.. its apparently some showcasing singapore thingy.. like how singapore is such a hodge podge of everywhere else.. they tried to be many things.. but ended up being nothing.. its so.. "so.. right-o.. so this is singapore..." *makes a face* i mean like what? you are gonna show this to people somewhere out there and tell them.. i am showing singapore to you.. cannot make it bah.. its so uninspiring.. arent you supposed to make the audience go, wow where on earth is this cool place ive never heard of before.. i would like to go there one day.. so, no. it totally didnt make the cut. and overall.. if i were a person going for some arts fest event.. and i watched some art group from somewhere out there dancing like that.. i really wouldnt be impressed. really. bleh. anyways.. smart me somehow or other lost my phone charger.. and somehow or other the charger for this spanking new phone of mine simply has to have a different kind of charger from all the nokia phones in my house.. so my phone is literally battery-less. less than one week on from getting my phone, i cant use it because i cant find my charger. smart. sorry people who messaged/called but to no avail.. i was in the process of reading them when it just decided to throw a tantrum and die on me.. i assure you ill get back to you asap. and find my charger too. har. its somewhere at home i promise..
11:15 pm
Sunday, July 02, 2006
in the process of finding myself maybe ive truly become lost... not too sure who ive become.. dont really know what ive become.. and definitely unsure if i like it or not.
my parents shifted back all the other stuff from the other apartment today. the second one we studied in leading up to the o levels.. the one with like practically nothing in it.. i saw the whiteboards.. and my dad said something about giving it to my sister.. i was like right.. i am like super protective of this big bulky thing okay.. and you wanna give it away without even asking me..?!? that was when i saw these scratch-like things down the middle.. i am really sure my heart really stopped for a beat or two okay.. and then i rubbed it and realised that it was pencil markings. oh man thank goodness it wasnt anything permanent. i would seriously have died. you know, its the kind of thing that probably doesnt have very much use at the moment, but you feel as if you never ever wanna let it be thrown or given away, no matter how old or ratty tatty it may be, because it kinda holds a part of you in it.. i dunno, after lugging it all the way from orchard to here and to there in bukit timah, by bus... no less... it is a thing of sentimental value for me okay.. it represents what we used to be, living in a world that seems so simple and carefree.. it seems to me that to further along you get on in life, the more difficult it is determined to get.. omg i wanna keep that pair of whiteboards like forever, even if i dont use it.. just to take it out once in a while when im feeling nostalgic, and reminisce over the good old times.. yeah i know im missing what used to be and that everybody else has gotten on with their own lives.. but pedal point, you totally rock. although we see each other so super infrequently.. okay not that we dont see each other, but its like we've got our own separate lives now.. yep, ill always cherish the memory of who we were and what brought us together.. i really wish one day pedal point will become a reality... oh gosh this is making me miss mg like crazy.. all the people, all the memories, all the crazy stuff that everybody used to do.. not that people dont do crazy stuff here in ac, but its just different.. in mg its because you wanna share a laugh with your friend, or bring a smile to somebody else's face, but in ac its like.. i dunno.. everybody is so skilled at the art of blending in.. its not that everybody looks and acts the same way.. its looking and acting different within a certain limits i guess... i dunno.. shoot me if im not making any sense or if im offending anybody.. i just dont feel that well of warmth emanating from the people i go to school with.. its like each man for himself out here.. and quoting from my favourite character from a view from the bridge, "it feels like its a shooting gallery and im the pigeon" okay that isnt a perfect quote i know.. it sounds kinda odd actually.. and yes, i am exaggerating. i miss walking through the school knowing and feeling that i belong here and i can really call it my second home.. i miss the mad dash up blackmore drive, counting down the minutes to the time when the bell rings and i will be late.. all the sounds of "go gail" or "youre late" more often than not, ill make it on time.. and for the times i didnt, that has made it worth the while.. panting while everybody else is singing the national anthem.. or rather when everyone else is not singing the national anthem... and gosh.. i really really really miss chapel.. its like now chapel has become a chore and a bore.. people around me sit through it because they have to. i look forward to chapel okay.. and i seriously dont appreciate it when somebody behind me is telling her friend that it makes her nauseous.. and sounds proud of it. if it makes you nauseous go to the toilet or something.. and no, i also dont appreciate it when somebody is saying how irritating the backup singer is because she is making it hard for the person in question to hear the voice of the male lead singer.. and is it me or do the teachers say they care, but somehow or other you get the feeling not..? okay maybe its just me. cos ive been choosing to be lonerfied and invisible.. oh wells.. i just wish that when you go back to mg, the teachers dont treat you like simply another batch that has passed.. or maybe because we are.. okay so i sound like somebody whos trying to live in the past.. but oh wells.. its like ive been fed this drug for ten whole years.. since the tender young age of seven.. how do i just quit it just like that? im suffering from withdrawal symptoms half a year on.. and im scared to actually spend time with those i enjoyed the company of.. cos im afraid that what we're all holding on to are pieces of what we once were and not who we have become.. im scared to find that we've become so different.. i know ive changed.. i guess theres no person who hasnt.. and the thing is.. its inevitable.. you cant not change.. or go back in time to relive the glory days.. you cant hold a person back from living the life she could live simply because you liked what happened in the past.. and i guess that is life.. ten, twenty, fifty years from now, who knows how different we all will be.. but i guess theres one thing that will always tie us together.. mg.. and so the wheel of time plods inexorably on.. to all mg girls from class of 2005.. thanks for being a part of my life and for making mg such a great place to be in.. even those i probably never ever spoke to.. its like a collage.. even if one tiny piece is missing.. it would affect all the rest around it.. and the effect would be felt by all the other tiny pieces eventually.. god bless and see you all on founder's day :)
1:16 am
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.