Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous êtes venu au faux endroit.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
in the process of finding myself maybe ive truly become lost... not too sure who ive become.. dont really know what ive become.. and definitely unsure if i like it or not.
my parents shifted back all the other stuff from the other apartment today. the second one we studied in leading up to the o levels.. the one with like practically nothing in it.. i saw the whiteboards.. and my dad said something about giving it to my sister.. i was like right.. i am like super protective of this big bulky thing okay.. and you wanna give it away without even asking me..?!? that was when i saw these scratch-like things down the middle.. i am really sure my heart really stopped for a beat or two okay.. and then i rubbed it and realised that it was pencil markings. oh man thank goodness it wasnt anything permanent. i would seriously have died. you know, its the kind of thing that probably doesnt have very much use at the moment, but you feel as if you never ever wanna let it be thrown or given away, no matter how old or ratty tatty it may be, because it kinda holds a part of you in it.. i dunno, after lugging it all the way from orchard to here and to there in bukit timah, by bus... no less... it is a thing of sentimental value for me okay.. it represents what we used to be, living in a world that seems so simple and carefree.. it seems to me that to further along you get on in life, the more difficult it is determined to get.. omg i wanna keep that pair of whiteboards like forever, even if i dont use it.. just to take it out once in a while when im feeling nostalgic, and reminisce over the good old times.. yeah i know im missing what used to be and that everybody else has gotten on with their own lives.. but pedal point, you totally rock. although we see each other so super infrequently.. okay not that we dont see each other, but its like we've got our own separate lives now.. yep, ill always cherish the memory of who we were and what brought us together.. i really wish one day pedal point will become a reality... oh gosh this is making me miss mg like crazy.. all the people, all the memories, all the crazy stuff that everybody used to do.. not that people dont do crazy stuff here in ac, but its just different.. in mg its because you wanna share a laugh with your friend, or bring a smile to somebody else's face, but in ac its like.. i dunno.. everybody is so skilled at the art of blending in.. its not that everybody looks and acts the same way.. its looking and acting different within a certain limits i guess... i dunno.. shoot me if im not making any sense or if im offending anybody.. i just dont feel that well of warmth emanating from the people i go to school with.. its like each man for himself out here.. and quoting from my favourite character from a view from the bridge, "it feels like its a shooting gallery and im the pigeon" okay that isnt a perfect quote i know.. it sounds kinda odd actually.. and yes, i am exaggerating. i miss walking through the school knowing and feeling that i belong here and i can really call it my second home.. i miss the mad dash up blackmore drive, counting down the minutes to the time when the bell rings and i will be late.. all the sounds of "go gail" or "youre late" more often than not, ill make it on time.. and for the times i didnt, that has made it worth the while.. panting while everybody else is singing the national anthem.. or rather when everyone else is not singing the national anthem... and gosh.. i really really really miss chapel.. its like now chapel has become a chore and a bore.. people around me sit through it because they have to. i look forward to chapel okay.. and i seriously dont appreciate it when somebody behind me is telling her friend that it makes her nauseous.. and sounds proud of it. if it makes you nauseous go to the toilet or something.. and no, i also dont appreciate it when somebody is saying how irritating the backup singer is because she is making it hard for the person in question to hear the voice of the male lead singer.. and is it me or do the teachers say they care, but somehow or other you get the feeling not..? okay maybe its just me. cos ive been choosing to be lonerfied and invisible.. oh wells.. i just wish that when you go back to mg, the teachers dont treat you like simply another batch that has passed.. or maybe because we are.. okay so i sound like somebody whos trying to live in the past.. but oh wells.. its like ive been fed this drug for ten whole years.. since the tender young age of seven.. how do i just quit it just like that? im suffering from withdrawal symptoms half a year on.. and im scared to actually spend time with those i enjoyed the company of.. cos im afraid that what we're all holding on to are pieces of what we once were and not who we have become.. im scared to find that we've become so different.. i know ive changed.. i guess theres no person who hasnt.. and the thing is.. its inevitable.. you cant not change.. or go back in time to relive the glory days.. you cant hold a person back from living the life she could live simply because you liked what happened in the past.. and i guess that is life.. ten, twenty, fifty years from now, who knows how different we all will be.. but i guess theres one thing that will always tie us together.. mg.. and so the wheel of time plods inexorably on.. to all mg girls from class of 2005.. thanks for being a part of my life and for making mg such a great place to be in.. even those i probably never ever spoke to.. its like a collage.. even if one tiny piece is missing.. it would affect all the rest around it.. and the effect would be felt by all the other tiny pieces eventually.. god bless and see you all on founder's day :)
1:16 am
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.
