Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous êtes venu au faux endroit.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
my parents have somehow gotten into the mood of digging out old stuff, rooting through them, reminiscing about random stuff.. for my parents, this is really an amazing event. i read somewhere that you can categorize people into past-people, present-people and future-people based on where their focus in life lies.. i figure id fit into the past-oriented section, just judging by the amount of stuff i keep stuffed somewhere around and refuse to let go of.. old shirts, old books (which i no longer have any use for but like to have them around to remind me of the circumstances under which i came to own them), old worksheets, old notebooks (even those i barely touched), old letters (yes i like to be reminded of old friendships), and so on.. my parents i figure would be between the present and future, with my dad being more intense than i mum, i think.. i dunno, maybe it depends.. to have them dig up stuff out of the store room is not an every day event.. and so is hearing exclamations of "oh my gosh gail look at you!" and to my absolute horror and dismay, i look up to see an extremely dated photo of me when i was just a toddler bumbling around looking incredibly retarded.. its embarrassing.. maybe one day ill look at photos of myself right now and be terribly horrified by my present self.. but still..... *tries to keep my eyes from rolling right out of my sockets* anyways. there was this aklung ensemble thingy from mi at the what-you-call-that.. i think its the foyer of esplanade.. and it gave me the happy-and-carefree feeling that listening to chinese music gives me.. and im like thinking.. omg, this is anklung! little pieces of wood fitted together, no less! how can they make me feel so happy! argh! but anyways, it was nice lah.. a bit tacky the fusion thing, but still... i think maybe the blood of the ancient chinese hill-men grows strong my blood.. i really should have been born as a cave-woman on the brink of discovering civilisation.. then id be singing to the wilderness and to the moon every day.. know what im thinking now? gail, just shut up, youre talking rubbish. go write a fantasy story instead..
I went back into my bedroom and knelt at my bed the way I did when I was a kid. I folded my hands and pressed the top knuckle joints of my thumbs hard into my forehead. Dear God. I don't know what I want or who I am. Apparently you do. Um... that's great. Never mind. You have a terrible reputation here. You should know that. Oh, but I guess you do know that. Save me now. Or when it's convenient. We could run away together. This is stupid. What am I doing? Iguess this is a prayer. I feel like an idiot, but I guess you knew that already, too. My sister said that god is music. Goodbye. Amen. I lay in my bed and waited for that thick, sweet feeling to wash over me, for that unreal semi-conscious state where the story begins and takes on a life of its own and all you have to do is close your eyes and give in and let go and give in and let go and go and go and go. A Complicated Kindess by Miriam Toews
11:27 pm
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.
