Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous êtes venu au faux endroit.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
i was reminded (rather abruptly) today of how much i love the underdog.. not the usual underdog in those pseudo-inspirational movies, where like oh then they work so hard then they beat all odds and that kind of thing to finally achieve something previously unattainable.. haha, my sis thinks i use the term pseudo-inspirational too loosely.. (i think she finds it a little annoying too!) yeah cos i mean like all those upbeat songs meant to get people high.. that is their point, you see, to get you high.. when you are high, you feel happy.. you feel happy, you like the song.. you like the song, you buy their cd... ahhhh.. my sis has quite a lot of these so-called pseudo inspirational songs in the computer, hence the annoyance.. as i was saying.. i like the underdog underdog.. i mean like, really. remember eddie? eddie carbone? yes, one plus years on i still love eddie for who he is.. (yes even though i generally kinda take quite long to get over stuff..) yes, disagree all you want, but to me he is somewhat like the epitome of all human weakness and fallibility, all their inevitable indulgences, and of course, all their beauty.. what beauty?!?, you may say.. hes just this potbellied old man who also happens to have incestous tendencies and if i may quote, "shaves in his underwear".. (alright alright, i admit i was exaggerating there.. just a little..) but dont you see, its not just the deed that matters, but what transpires before the deed, what led to the final [inevitable(?)] end.. have you not lied before? have you not done anything selfish before? have you not made any mistakes in your entire life? and did you not have your own (whether valid or not in the eyes of your fellow man) reasons for each and every time? what makes his thoughts, his actions, perverse though they may seem, worth any less than ours.. any more wrong than our own wrongdoings.. how can we say the in the end, he deserved to die.. and who are we to judge anyway.. we are, after all, fellow human beings stumbling along, trying to find our way in the path of life.. so you see now why i love eddie so? for months i listened to people stripping his character apart, looking at him with disdain, pity even.. poor poor eddie.. he was just a man... as are all of us.. what about beatrice, you may say.. beatrice, the constant loving caring long-suffering beatrice who was always there, no matter what.. do you not feel for her? does she not deserve more.. but beatrice, she was not faced with the same temptations, not faced with the same insecurities as eddie.. and at least at the end of the day when all is said and done, she can comfort herself with the fact that she did try all in her abilities to do what is right.. and because of that, she has the support of all the community around her, of catherine, of rodolpho, of you know, whoever.. eddie, what does he have.. eddie has nothing, is left with nothing.. he has lost all that he wants, loved, worked for.. yes literally everything. even right down to the very respect that he wanted all along, that he did all this for.. (okay lah fine, if you wanna be anal about it all then i guess you could say that in the end he still had beatrice, considering that he did die in her arms, and that she did love him no matter what..) do you not think he deserves our sympathy? i think thats the least he deserves..
anyway, back to why i started all this in the first place.. id never have thought that such things would happen in the place where i live.. okay fine, i guess im kind of blowing it a little out of proportion, just as i think that theyre blowing things out of proportion.. i think sometimes it just boils down the the human need for control.. control over oneself, ones environment, and control over others just like us.. control gives us a sense of power, and a sense of security, and i guess makes us feel better about ourselves.. but i guess as i have realised today, i really no longer feel the urge to get emotionally involved in other peoples struggles.. ill try to help when i feel the cause is worth helping.. (or maybe simply when i feel like it.. oh such a shit right.) im sorry, but i just dont feel any pang when i see somebody hurt anymore.. i dont know why.. maybe its sad that its this way, or maybe it was bound to happen anyway, i dont know.. not even when somebody is crying, you know.. a past me would be like dumbfounded beyond belief but anyways.. im really really sorry i cannot be more concerned, and more comforting.. and more, everything that people need when theyre feeling down.. ill try to offer what modicum of comfort and support my prescence can give really.. you are still a friend.. and seeing anybody hurt kinda sucks.. but i feel surprisingly little now.. and the thought that that doesnt really scare me anymore kind of scares me.. and so on and so on.. just like the way the parallel worlds go on virtually forever when you put two mirrors parallel to each other.. and the way that it scares me that im not scared that im not scared that im not scared that im schoolwork is dying.. i mean like, this couple of days amazingly i feel like doing work and working hard, but its not because im like super behind, or the teachers will get on my back, or im scared what will happen to me once the As are done, or i dont want to see the look on my parents faces (oh gosh im really dreading that, i tell you.. of all the emotions possible, anger is not the one to be feared.. disappointment is the worst, really.. ), or i dunno, i simply dont wanna be a school dropout.. i paid more attention these few days, and yes, believe it or not, actually looked forward to having school and lessons, who cares if its just a teeny weeny bit, because i dunno, i felt like it.. yar i know shouldnt be this way right.. but anyways, same with the whole comforting thingy i guess.. im sorry i cant/dont/wont care more..
there i go again pretending that ill fall --dresden dolls
oh you see, there i go making my excuses again.. excuses are lame, gail. get over it already..
10:09 pm
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.
