Thursday, May 17, 2007

so today i took the bus back with someone.. again. i dunno, maybe its just me, but i like my bus rides long quiet and, without anybody else.. hence my favourite seat on the bus, which i guess half the world knows where by now so i shant bother saying where since words cant really describe it well.. anyways, it just tired my brain out, the conversation-making.. i mean, once in a while is perfectly fine by me, but twice a week, with the same person.. oh dear.. i was seriously failing at coming up with something which remotely passes for conversation.. anyways. you know sometimes people say im like emo-ing or something.. but im not okay, i really am not.. im just, stoning? i dunno, stoning, daydreaming, thinking, or something in between all three, or i just dont feel like talking.. and no, im not antisocial.. at least i dont think so.. i mean, yes id like to think that im a perfectly normal human being.. and you know, i actually enjoy human interaction.. but just not in excessive amounts, especially not when it serves no purpose.. (but who says that human interaction needs any purpose anyway, but lets not go there) i mean, its not like i havent done my fair share of lame and purely-for-entertainment kind of things, or said some of those somehow funny stuff which 99% of the time gets forgotten cos really, it doesnt mean anything much, but somehow that 1% of the time it gets fossilised in memory and it brings back fond chuckles.. yes singing and dancing to the yellow lemon tree song after math test to cheer everyone up after math test and actually coming up with and practising the moves during recess when we could have been mugging away would count as one of them.. oh and the partially-failed april fools day joke which had me fainting in class.. seeing as i was well flat on the bag (having somehow managed to arrange it on the floor in an oh-so-convenient place without anyone noticing beforehand), i couldnt really see and i guess savour the look on miss ors face, which id like to think was quite funny.. and shyna.. gosh she was just laughing so hard, you wouldnt think that her friend just fainted during class.. she was supposed to go all worried and flustery.. but i guess the clincher had to be mj (remember mj people? i wonder where she is now anyways..) coming up to me, putting her fingers to my neck and declaring that i still had a pulse.. yes it was funny while it lasted.. not sure if i could still pull these stuff off now though.. theres not really anyone in school who would participate in such endeavours with such enthusiasm as shyna.. yeah so well.. thats that i guess..

anyways so today we did this group work thingy for gp and i had such a laugh.. (see im not all that stoned all the time? :p) it really reminded me of/felt like in secondary school where we had these lame projects that the teachers came up with, but somehow we managed to have heaps of (ahem) fun getting it done anyway.. like like remember those who were in 2I the project we did for pw, the one with xiao ming and xiao hua.. omg, that was seriously hi-la-rious.. and hey, we actually worked at it okay, it wasnt some last minute thing one might have thought.. the well, kissing scene itself we had to practise like how many times to get it right? but anyways. and and some history mock elections thing.. our group (people for the poor, remember anyone?) was the only one getting rahhrahh about it and everybody was like so sian diao cos like what on earth were we getting so enthu about? and seriously. what were we so enthusiastic about.. its not like the grades mattered terribly, at least it didnt seem to be for the marks.. so i guess, perhaps shes right after all? maybe in some strange weird way, its in the trying that we actually learn to like, enjoy, and eventually love something.. maybe? i dunno, somehow somewhere this hasnt actually connected in my brain, no matter how logical it seems.. i mean the idea of trying, not just trying, but trying so hard, and maybe even giving your best, whatever that may be, just seems unjustified to me somehow.. you try, for the chance/hope/belief that somehow the beauty of it all will reveal itself to you? the now seems rather more certain doesnt it.. is it somehow better to accept the current i dunno, ugliness (?), rather than to strive for an uncertain beauty somewhere in the future? i dont know rargh. but i guess i must be PRAGMATIC. you know, whatever i might have said up there, i guess the conclusion is whatever i say and think, i still have to study? at least until the darn As are over.. i just wish i wasnt studying simply because i have to otherwise id be stuck in something i dont like for the rest of my life.. i think thats just.. sad. but how on earth am i gonna choose what i wanna do for the rest of my life anyways.. i mean, i took one and a half years to finally decide/realise what my perfect combi in jc was, of which i currently am doing only one.. okay so enough of digressing.. group work was well, the most interesting one in a long long time.. yes i really feel kinda sorry for my pw group mates who got stuck with such a slacker group person like me.. and really, believe me or not, i did feel kind of bad when the results came out, because i guess some, if not most, if not all, of them were expecting/hoping for better.. and it doesnt help that i guess im okay with what i got since i kinda deserved it anyway.. oh wells, not as if any of them would read this but yeah.

Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous êtes venu au faux endroit.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

10:18 pm

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