anyways my dad got interviewed like on bloomberg live! and did some press release thingy.. like omg lah i am/was so proud of him..
and schools just being school-ish.. well i was kinda excited/looking-forward-to-it-ish on the first day haha.. there was just this palpable sense of excitement permeating the school somehow, even the teachers too.. the whole omg yay i am like so glad to be back in school thing was rather infectious.. oh yes and forgetting that come today/tmr (saturday) therell be like 43 days to prelims plus the host of other deadlines kinda helps too..
1:36 am
Sunday, June 24, 2007
yeah well, this is like how amazing lah.. school starts tomorrow and like prelims, theyre lets see.. 49 days away? and thats counting today which is almost done.. and here i am like the hols just started.. i guess its kinda freaky cos my parents, they kinda started hinting that they wouldnt mind sending me overseas to study, if only i could just prove myself a little.. and yeah and provided i dont do so bad until i really cant go anywhere.. this means the ultimate no-hopeness already cos they used to be like so super opposed to it cos i mean well look at me.. not exactly the most responsible person on the planet.. but now theres this about-turn whatwith the oh you know, if you at least do something now with the four months plus you have we can explore other options.. yeah so i figure that means kinda no longer expecting As and whatnot heh.. not sure if thats a good thing or not.. super cant find the drive to study lah..
Reasons not to slack and fail like nearly everything:
1) it kinds miffs me that if i dont like "achieve" like anything then you know, what has these two years been for.. well i mean yeah if i went back in time i wouldnt change anything, but then again i wouldnt change anything in my entire life if the possibility of time travel presented itself.. it would have been sorta unthinkable to go poly cos you know, somehow jc just was the place to aim for, i have like no idea why also.. and like i wouldnt have had been able to decide what course to take anyways so yeah..
2) and i guess it would kinda suck that you know, my friends, classmates, and all, would go on and i dunno, move on to "greater things" while ill be like omg, what on earth am i gonna do now.. but it wouldnt be so if i just stopped being such an ass and actually be present instead of just physically going through the motions with the rest of them..
3) and id hate to disappoint people like, again.. like omg, my whole life i have totally not lived up to anybodys expectations and its like what, i already know its gonna happen again..? youd have thought that with a well, lifetime experience of disappointing people one would grow immune to it all.. well i guess sort of.. but then again, no not at all.. i mean like when i was younger i used to think that well to a teacher what is one student in yet another batch and i used to get these report cards which said not living up to potential and stuff, or must work harder or something or other lah.. but now i figure its kinda dreary and mundane treating students like just another product down the long production line of churning out work-ready citizens all ready to contribute to the country.. and so i guess thats why i dont really like engaging in mutual understanding on a regular basis with teachers and authority figures.. okay fine i guess i meant instead of that long chunk was: being friends. id hate to be a parent, really.. i mean, how do you say: youre in the wrong. *keep stern face* to a friend? i figure thats why only the very best of friends are completely, perhaps to the point of brutality, honest about each others faults.. which i think its a thing i cant do heh.. :/
4) and itll be like: omg gail, why didnt you just try?! its not as if its an utterly impossible task or anything.. all the "tries" so far have been like so feeble they probably dont even count as a try on some other peoples scales.. yeah i guess it would suck somewhat knowing that i didnt put in my very best.. rather immune to this after a while too.. hmm i guess the alternative to immunity would be to like care.. but then, how would i be able to face myself every day?
Reasons to work my ass off and get those darn As once and for all:
1) umm because i can?
2) to prove that i can do it?
i dunno, not very convincing, is it.. yeah, didnt think so either.. and i didnt quite think that studying so that i can get somewhere, anywhere was a very good reason.. im not even sure where.. and studying so that next time i wont be like omg, what am i gonna do now seems so practical, but lame.. i mean i always thought learn cause you wanna, not cos some teacher/parents breathing down your neck or because of the consequences.. yeah so well pretty sure ill get this so called "breathed-down-uponness" tomorrow but i figure ill still put in my appearance tomorrow heh.. i mean hey first day of school leh.. if dont go, then when go?
anyways i guess while im on this, i think my poor attitude towards school and stuff has kinda rubbed my mum the wrong way.. i mean like duh right.. but anyways, shes making my sister read like the childrens version of encyclopaedias (see i dont even know how to spell that) and like do work every day and like check dictionary for all the words she doesnt know, and plus, write it in a book.. like, omg? what on earth? thats like forcing the stuff down your throat lah.. what happened to learning because you like learning.. i kinda doubt this dictionary thing will last more than a week lah.. oh wells..
well i guess so long for now.. being bugged off the com..
10:29 pm
Saturday, June 23, 2007
inspirationless, pointless, existance even the pretty cant capture me now. petty pride become real reasons and i walk the path of the damned.
:(
oh yes put on the simple plan, and the other one hit wonders.. forget about the dresden dolls, the world inferno friendship society.. too tired to preen and prance around, just bring me back the good old (tacky) days again..
12:17 am
i dont know what shit i feed myself sometimes.
12:03 am
Friday, June 22, 2007
and i guess, you know, ill have to be resigned to being mediocre.. oh sighs..
1:52 pm
Thursday, June 21, 2007
well so after a really pathetic failed attempt at a baked alaska im finally getting down to actually doing something today. RAWR. :( i have this feeling that im gonna start this term like the starting of a race where everyone starts off at the gunshot but im still like changing into my running stuff.. :( not good.
3:45 pm
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
mood: annoyed.. no, not by blogger which is being kinda uncoorperative today, but by myself.. i mean like i should be feeling like kinda accomplished right, starting to do what i should be doing and what i should have done right from the beginning.. i guess things we should do and things we wanna do need not be mutually be mutually exclusive right.. well at least i guess not in this case.. i suppose i just didnt try hard enough.. well hmm, so whats new?
math makes math moron maudlin. well so speaking of math, hes got the cash but doesnt know how to spend it oh shall we go somewhere, find some lounge, spend some money or how about we get the most expensive room on sentosa oh you mean why, or even what we're gonna do there? hmm i dont know, but im sure we'll have a nice time, a nice time spending money
hes got the girl but doesnt know what to do with her where are you now? WHY DIDNT YOU PICK UP MY CALL? oh yes, and werent you being unreasonable the other day? i've got work cant you see, so many students WHY DID YOU ACCIDENTALLY TOUCH A STRANGER WITH YOUR, YOUR, BREAST?!? but i want to marry you one day, really i love you
yeah well hmm a rather sad attempt at trying to write something unprose-ish.. dunno whether it counts as poetry though haha.. anyways speaking about that, i realised that maybe ive finally grown out of the whole fantasy thing.. no more complex weavings of magic and moondust, no more abstract, profound beauty.. out out out! it wasnt like a sudden overnight sort of thing, more of a gradual growing disinterest.. i mean like i used to savour the words of certain phrases, rereading some stuff to like fully grasp/enjoy the meaning/feeling of the words.. but now its more like alright, so youre dying for a cause or handling this staggering amount of magical energy or pining for a lost love, now get on with it. life goes on. yes, id like to read books which are pretty much rooted in presentday possibilities, and in which my characters pretty much stay alive until the very end.. yes, very noble and all, your dying.. and yes i cant say i dont enjoy the poetic stringing together of words, or the pain of losing a character for the sake of plot development (okay tell me that didnt sound weird) but seriously, just get on with it. tell me something new. getting slain or blasted apart by magics, no matter how prettily packaged within words, is getting old.. but thats not to say all eleven books of the wheel of time is getting off my wishlist, not to mention harry potter and the deathly hallows (is that right?), and of course not forgetting the movie.. yes, i shall be looking forward to a couple more deaths and near-misses for now..
i figure thats all for now.. fingers feel somewhat appeased..
ps. what to do if my earphones are wonky and i didnt do the warranty thing.. i think i throw them around too much, not to mention other stuff too.. :(
11:48 pm
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
and i wonder what i am doing. :(
2:27 am
Monday, June 11, 2007
perfect fit
i could make a dress
a robe fit for a prince
i could clothe a continent
but i can't sew a stitch
i can paint my face
and stand very very still
its not very practical
but it still pays the bills
i can't change my name
but i could be your type
i can dance and win at games
like backgammon and life
i used to be the smart one
sharp as a tack
funny how that skipping years ahead
has held me back
i used to be the bright one
top in my class
funny what they give you when you
just learn how to ask
i can write a song
but i cant sing in key
i can play piano
but i never learned to read
i can't trap a mouse
but i can pet a cat
no i'm really serious!
i'm really very good at that
i can't fix a car
but i can fix a flat
i could fix alot of things
but i'd rather not get into that
i used to be the bright one
smart as a whip
funny how you slip so far when
teachers dont keep track of it
i used to be the tight one
the perfect fit
funny how those compliments can
make you feel so full of it
i can shuffle cut and deal
but i can't draw a hand
i can't draw a lot of things
i hope you understand
i'm not exceptionally shy
but i've never had a man
that i could look straight in the eye
and tell my secret plans
i can take a vow
and i can wear a ring
and i can make you promises but
they won't mean a thing
can't you do it for me, i'll pay you well
fuck i'll pay you anything if you could end this
can't you just fix it for me, it's gone berserk...
fuck i'll give you anything if
you can make the damn thing work
can't you just fix it for me, ill pay you well,
fuck ill pay you anything if you can end this
hello, i love you will you tell me your name?
hello, i'm good for nothing - will you love me just the same?
dresden dolls
alright so now get outta my head.
2:41 am
work in progress.. like, seriously.. trying to manipulate html is like trying to manipulate genes.. except perhaps html actually makes sense to some people while theres still so much we dont know about genes.. urgh anyone wanna help me make sense of this stuff?
12:39 am
Saturday, June 09, 2007
hmm so yesterday i got asked strange questions and got accosted by a beggar while taking in the rather unfamiliar (to me) atmosphere of bugis street.. oh and not to mention baking this sponge apple thingamajig (not too sure what to call it cos i kinda combined two recipes hahaha) and meeting with various mini-disasters, not to mention the one involving the mixer going like bang and emitting smoke like some cheesy mad scientist movie.. oh yeah well it turned out all right in the end, besides it being too sweet.. yeah so rather an interesting day..
Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me whtat it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?!
dissecting the rainbow into the hows, the whys, the physics.. the water droplets and the light rays.. how they came to be there and how they work/interact together, and whether or not they belong there in the first place, does it make the rainbow any prettier.. not knowing the destination, does it make the scenary along the way any less breathtaking.. think: the process is as important as the destination. throw out of the window: whats the point of making the journey in the first place if theres no destination.
anyways yesterday i heard this really old-sounding but really nice version of the yue liang dai biao wo de xin and i cant get it out of my head now.. well yeah i suppose i could think of worse stuff to get stuck in my head.. but anyone if you have this old-sounding version thats sung by a guy, i want it! i never really bothered listening to this song i mean cos well 1)its chinese.. and thats usually pretty much a good enough reason for me.. and 2)given the era it came from i didnt imagine id actually like it.. yes see gail, never judge a book by its cover.. now its making me feel all mellow-ish..
so anyways. found that quote i was looking for a couple of weeks or maybe months ago..
if we look for the impression that true grandeur leaves in us, it is too vague to say that it is respect, and it is even rather a kind of familiarity. We feel that our soul, which is the best and most likeable of ourselves, is in them, and we make fun of them as we would ourselves. Marcel Proust
and with that, i bid you goodbye my friends..
10:33 pm
Monday, June 04, 2007
yes so well what a nice monday morning, welcome to the start of a new week.. i have this feeling that school will take some getting used to again.. holidays = no long fixed days seeing the same people (no offence to those i hang out with) = good = gail is happy. yeah..
so wells anyways, last week got news of cai lao shis passing.. and it was like, what so fast, so soon? i mean the last time i saw her was like, when i was in sec four? i didnt even say hi properly.. and now, yeah. i guess fewer people will remember her cos she was less of a.. character than gk goh, but yeah well shes one of the teachers whom i remember better from my primary school days.. you know, with that same unchanging hairstyle, same clothes, same familiar gait, same smile.. and you know what kinda sucks a little, probably the last thing she saw/heard of me was that i slept during chinese lessons cos when we ran into her we were sorta groping for things to say (at least i was) and my friend just had to say that i was falling asleep in of all classes, chinese.. i mean yeah well i think i did fall asleep in her class sometimes, but still.. i dunno, i wouldnt go so far as to say she inspired me to like do well and blahblah, but id like to think that she really wanted the best for us? okay fine which teacher doesnt.. or maybe it was just wishful thinking on the part of a nine-year-old.. but anyways. heres what i remember best about her.. we always sat like on the floor with the tables along the edges of the classroom right.. and then theres this hao peng you (good friend) newspaper/magazine thing that always had exercises that we had to do.. and so its like shui mei you zuo gong ke (who never do homework) and then the other people will go like xin ya.... kinda thing.. yeah, okay so that day wasnt any different, went to school not doing that thing, again.. then we got back some exam paper and she was like giving out prizes for like the top students, and the zui jing bu (most improved) and then like everybody was like guessing guessing until like practically the whole classes name was called and then so it was me heh. *sheepish look* hmm yeah so i got a ruler and i got to wear the mo fan xue shen (model student) badge thingy for a week (which i always thought went to the same guai people every week haha..) and then when the lesson continued she found out that i didnt do the thing so she took back the badge heh.. *sheepisher look, if thats possible* it seemed like a pretty big thing, getting that ruler back then.. but oh wells. and there was this ting xie/mo xie thing which she gave me 20/20 even though i had like one mistake.. i think it was cos i always failed because i thought that even when i studied some, each wrong word minus half mark right, i ended up getting like single digit or even negative, so better if i just dont study right, just get zero.. yeah, i thought that was really nice of her..
so yes anyway went for that bird park thingy which ended us up with plucking dead leaves off plants.. never want to do that again.. but anyways what i wanted to say was, maybe they shouldnt even have zoos and bird parks and whatnots in the first place.. if people want to see animals they should go see them in the wild, or at least semi-wild, not in captivity.. we were like watching that birds of prey show thing, and the guy was saying at the end something like, so dont you think these birds are rightly called the kings of the skies? and it was like so, oh my gosh what on earth are you saying?! you cage these birds up, make them do tricks for little scraps of meat for our entertainment, when these birds were born to soar the thermals? yes, really, it was really nice, exhilerating, to have this beautiful bird with a wingspan larger than the length of my arm, fly past me just centimetres from my face.. i mean, when confronted with the sheer beauty of nature it just takes your breath away sometimes.. you take these proud birds and break their spirit, allow them to fly the same meagre paths over the heads of gawking humans day in day out, when they were meant to fly with the amongst the air currents, nearly reaching the clouds.. where they were born to, and equipped to, hunt and to kill, you make them parade their "skills", hunting for rabbit or snake that is not real.. oh yes wow, kings of the skies indeed.
9:29 am
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.