Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous ĂȘtes venu au faux endroit.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
this 1982, janine by alasdair gray is beautiful.. beautiful beautiful beautiful.. definitely not in a pseudo-beautiful (?) way.. even though probably somewhere around 95% of the beauty is lost on me.. ehh no, i dont mean the so-called pornographic parts of it.. hell, no.. i wish i took lit.. and can somebody please make a movie out of it.. i know if i did, id leave the middle suicide part with the screen blank and a very surround sound thing going on.. yeah, youd only be able to enjoy it in nice cinemas..
anyways. currently in a rather bouyant happyish sort of mood.. if you asked me for a favour id probably do it.. *gringrin* 1) after like half the book of feeling so *fill in the blank* cos i so knew there was something awfully awesome going on but i just didnt know what and i just didnt get it, whatwith all the sexual stuff and all the spilling around of memories and fantasies.. but yeah, IT MAKES SENSE NOW. well, not perfect sense but, some sort of sense.. beautiful sense. (for the lack of a better word.) yahoohay. (yeah i learnt a new expression.) i am so gonna have to read this again. 2) i did math today.. like yay. i mean, yahoohay. yes drown myself in math.. math is such a detestable subject, maybe because its so unfeeling.. but there is such order, such clarity.. (well not clarity exactly to me, but i assume mathematicians find math clear?) its nice to know/have the feeling that one part of your mind is free from cobwebs.. i kinda gave up on planning, and it has made all the difference.. you know like how they say fail to plan and plan to fail.. you know what, that so does not work for me, cos when i plan, or at least start to plan, i plan for perfection, like superhuman perfection which is like undoable for me by a far far stretch.. so i like uhh, give up even doing anything since im such a long way off.. but now yayhoohay! :) i dont even have anything to compare to *gringrin* 3) i ran into this mother with three crying kids (okay well only one was crying) on the bus today and being in such a good mood as explained above, i like offered jasons sweet to her like to stop the crying or sth but i guess the sweet was kinda huge for a little carry-in-the-arms kid so yeah.. but anyways, the mum was so friendly it just so made my day/night. im rather freaked out by friendly people actually. especially those who genuinely are friendly, not those i dunno, superficial (?) sort who just give me a very whatever feeling.. and yes especially those whom im gonna see again.. they want to get to know you, like i dunno, being their friendly selves i guess.. i dont want to get to know them.. not really.. actually not at all. okay maybe in a mildly interested kinda way.. unless im gonna know you for like a long time to come then i dont wanna know, you know? i dont really care.. (alright there. now ive said it.) yeah and i dont expect any more/less from you/them/whoever. i dont want to be known. in fact, yes being invisible would be nice.. did i tell you i nearly achieved that in my chem class when i was still doing H2.. yeah until she started noticing my fail grade, ho hum. yeah anyway, friendly strangers are alright. they dont wanna get to know you, just friendly in a passing kinda way.. yeah she was genuinely friendly. it so made my day. :)
11:06 pm
Thursday, July 26, 2007
and ive got this sour taste in my mouth and im wondering why.
9:34 pm
you know, i am so not looking forward to tomorrow. well okay, i suppose one could ask,"hmm so whats new, gail?" but seriously, tomorrow brings the most dreaded lesson of the week, yes even more dreaded than that other thing.. oh no you didnt just hear/read me say that.. i am so brimming with enthusiasm for what tomorrow's lesson holds that i just couldnt contain myself.. i mean like yeah, i just sit there while she plays theirs and its like oh wow why does it sound so nice? but they go oh nono lemme change something, one note is wrong.. and then when it comes to mine, why does it just sound so wrong? so can you suggest something that you can do? *speechless* *dumbfounded* i dont know alright? yours/theirs/anything else just sounds better somehow.. alright fine, not as if i really try, you know, put in 110% effort and all.. but i did try in the first few exercises (now how long ago was that exactly?) and they still sounded terrible so yeah i stopped trying. *rolls eyes rolls eyes* how typical. but anyways. now im faced with the very last one (i think and i hope) i decided i should you know, like try harder or something.. and im like, omg what are these big blank spaces, how am i gonna fill them up, i dont even know what key i am in.. and ive already filled in those copy-and-paste-able bits:( yeah. :(:(:( i dont know what chords they are, how to start.. (yesyes im trying the chord tones thingy but it seems so effortless when someone else does it somehow) and even if i knew, there are like so many so many rules that i just have a knack for breaking.. you know, if anyone knew how little i can hear, theyd be appalled i tell you, appalled.. that day some weeks ago was the stupidest i ever felt, like ever. it was this passing 6-4 and i just didnt know what it was.. i thought for the longest of times and i suppose thats what they call having a blank mind in books? and i just couldnt imagine for the life of me what notes could go in there even though she went through it like 15 minutes ago.. and the rest of them had these looks on their faces like*bored-to-death, bored-to-death, somebody save us, why cant she just say the darn answer* but i mean, ya lah, if somebody had to think for five minutes what letter came after b in the alphabet, id be bored to death too.. and you know, it wouldnt have mattered so much if it were some other subject like math or chem.. like if i didnt know what on earth poisson distribution was about (but i now i know though :)) or i didnt like know what the difference between alkanes and alkenes was.. it wouldnt have mattered.. but it was this and this is.... yeah, yeah well.. *finishes lamely* yeah so thats when i felt the stupidest in my entire not-very-long life.. :/ doesnt solve tomorrow but yeah well.. anyways, on to better things before i plunge back into that stuff again..
yes, well, harry potter. hmmhhmhhmm. WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS. kinda slow in the begininning-middle, whatwith their hiding around and all.. kinda picks up around the middle, no small thanks to all the action going on.. kinda deflated a bit in the last tenth maybe cos i was trying to make my way home (i cant multitask and enjoy a book these days, growing old maybe?) and maybe cos the last chapter had already been summarised for me.. i can totally imagine the cast having a heyday filming some scenes, especially mcgonagall (spelling?) confronting someone or other somewhere in the middle.. had a good laugh imagining that one.. not to mention snapes death.. you know the look on his face and all that.. good thing no. 1: snape is good! *gringrin* well, she kinda took her time getting to it though, right until his very last breath there was this illusion that snape was bad, bad to the core.. but oh well, nice happy sappy end to it all. although im not very sure if you can really call that good good, i mean he wasnt like good cos he wanted to be good, but for selfish reasons cos he liked harrys mum.. which is like, well okay.. good thing no. 2: as always, she has this knack for choosing the most unexpected characters for death.. i was so shocked when i read that sirius died even though i already knew that somebody was gonna die in that book.. yeah well hedwigs death was kinda spoiled for me cos i already knew so yeah.. but mad-eye moody, no i did not expect that, you know like so strong and all.. oh yeah and fred too, or was it george, get them mixed up all the time.. she really could have killed off more people though.. oh shit yes, remus and tonks too if im not wrong? :/ but still.. still a rather happily large lot of them came through alive.. all the DA and all.. *grumbles* good thing no. 3: i liked the way that the malfoy family was developed.. love it love it. especially the part where narcissa pretended that harry was still alive so that they could get into the castle.. score one for jk rowling! but unfortunately the rest of the characters remained kinda boring and one-dimensional, well i guess you could exclude snape cos in the end hes GOOD, even though even that has become cliched because of the many times weve imagined it in our heads.. oh yes and mcgonagall can sure scream, a heartwrenching one at that.. i thought that was nice.. i am so gonna look out for that when the movie comes out.. oh and voldemort too, when bellatrix dies.. i didnt know he was capable of, something that close to (cant think of the right word right now but ill just make do with) affection/dependance.. but that was kinda retarded too cos i thought she wasnt dead, just stunned or something.. andways heres a major grumble.. i thought the whole conception was rather like a fanfic.. a really really well-written, well-thought-out fanfic, but still a fanfic.. i mean like, what on earth? such a overly happily-ever-ending? and what with the whole harry going to the netherworld and meeting dumbledore for a while so that loose ends can be wrapped up.. *grumblegrumble* ah well, never mind then.. ill just have to be contented with this since its like the real thing..
oh shucks, as i keep refreshing the number keeps decreasing.. i hope there werent too many people before me.. :/ come on, send me that email!
anyways, this week certainly passed too fast.. ho hum.
10:02 am
hahahahaha.. i am so getting it today.
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9:54 am
Sunday, July 15, 2007
pain is good.
11:09 am
Saturday, July 14, 2007
shes gonna get her A, or As rather.. and youre not. in fact, theyre all gonna get their As.. and you, are not. *voice dripping with.. well whatever a voice could drip with* does that make you feel any better, slacker.. to continue in this whole grumbly vein, i do not appreciate people shouting at me, as strange a concept it may be to some people..
anyways.. enough of all that.. on to better things.. alright then, harry potter, for what this is worth.. loves: luna lovegood totally rocked my socks.. perfect dreaminess, alright.. except that she skipped.. which was a little strange but oh well worked okay lah.. and umbridge was hilarious.. didnt quite expect all the giggles and the overall over-the-board-ishness, but omg she really did make herself quite annoying.. *thumbs up* and bellatrix was wonderfully insane.. loved her hair, her outfit, her cackles, and the part where she quivered in fear.. which i dont remember being there in the book but i thought it was nice.. (aiyah nice is a boring word but who cares) and harry, somehow looking so umm, not-very-nice in the advertisements, turned out rather okay in the end.. and oh, snapes voice as good as ever, except that he looks kinda weird without his cloak.. i dont know what they were thinking.. i mean like, nearly hugging-the-body kinda thing? that is like so not snape.. oh wells and the performances by mcgonagall (how to spell?), ron, hermione, dumbledore and oh yes trelawney were not unexceptional either.. i thought they could have played up trelawney a little more though.. oh yeah and i should totally have expected the whole omg-i-have-my-friends thing near the end, whatwith the long drawn out big smiles of the three near the start.. they should have made more out of the tension between them though.. anyways moving on moving on.. gripes: okay so well, i kinda figured the well you could say the climax of this edition would be the whole department of mysteries thing right.. somehow they managed to make it kinda science fiction cum action thriller thing, whatwith the whole run-for-your-life-theres-an-explosion-coming-right-up-at-us-ishness of the crashing shelves of the prophecy place.. andandand not to mention the cutting out of the gore ie. the brain room and that slashing curse thingy.. and you know like how they went on about this being the darkest movie yet.. im like, okay.. i dunno, maybe they didnt want the whole thing to get too long or something.. and the part where sirius dies? they could have handled it with more i dunno, sensitivity.. haiyar they just made the whole department of mysteries part very holllywood-blockbuster-ish lah.. i suppose all the other changes in the earlier parts are as important heh.. hahaha oh and THE KISS? was as i expected it.. falling short of expectations.. some things i dunno, are best left to the imagination i guess.. and she didnt even cry.. did look a little weepy, but i wanted to see her cry leh.. yeah okay, what a sadist.. oh yes, and this annoying girl behind me was like trying to say all the punchlines.. like, just shut up alright? i dont care if youve read the book a gazillion times and memorised all the lines.. just.. shut up. anyways, all being said.. it was okay lah.. it didnt like suck, but it wasnt like wow, blow-you-away either.. oh anyways. next saturday, omg i super cannot wait.. i am going to be super kiasu and queue up outside the library and cheong in and grab the book off the shelf since im not buying it.. last last year we were studying in the library the day the book was released and like one hour later we realised it but obviously all copies had been taken.. i want to know 1) who dies.. more particularly, who are the two mystery previously unimportant but now they die people.. 2) if snape is bad 3) and i guess the ultimate question -- will harry still be the boy who lived after book seven? 4) just.. what happens next?!?
If ten people were a global representation: two would eat a satisfying meal; two would eat beans; and six would stand in a food queue. sigh, oh well. i cant decide if its a good or bad thing im like one of the two who would eat a satisfying meal.
anyways, i so am gonna do a so-close-to-perfect-that-nobody-will-know-the-difference walkover one day.. yeah, like how you were gonna play the swan on the bass right.. well i still wanna do it one day just that itll have to wait until after As :( just like everything else.. anyways. whatever it is im gonna do it one day.. soon. i mean not soon soon as in like one month but within one year? and it is called a walkover right.. somebody come iceskating with me, pretty please.. okay fine i guess theres only one person wholl go like omg i super wanna go too but, anyone else? *gringringrin hopefully* i wanna feel the cool (fake) breeze in my hair, i wanna see the same view over and over going round the rink, listen to the same songs playing day in day out, watch all the pro little kids doing their spins and stuff and the speed skater/hockey players showing off/trying to show off their stuff and the noobs trytrytry.. and well i guess that includes falling down too.. i mean like what is learning to skate without falling, trying to run but never stumbling, the hamburger without the ham, the piano without the keys, the bass without the strings, the nasi lemak without the nasi, the house without the roof, and well i guess i could go on forever.. oh yes and the wind without the air. yeah. therapeutic.
anyway. last time i said something about you know like how some people just have the ability to give you the feeling that theyre seeing into the depths of you.. yeah. its scarey. its like the thing called pleasurable pain, the thing somebody or other talked about in one of the many devotions in mg.. like how you scratch a mosquito bite knowing that the skin will eventually break but you do it anyway.. like how the flies are attracted to that fly killer thing.. ah oh well..
oh yes nose back to the grinding stone i suppose.. what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, they say..
7:15 pm
Friday, July 06, 2007
im sorry i disappoint..
Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen.
Roger Zelazny, Creatures of Light and Darkness, 1969
10:47 pm
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
yo wassup. check this guy out..
brother ali.. got me groovin to guess what.. rap. like omg lah.. i so feel like doing that body movement thing that rappers do.. you know like the swaying/slowed-down-bouncing sort of thing haha.. just ignore the lyrics a little.. oh wells maybe this will be short lived as well, just like when i found those geeksta rap guys and after a while got the feeling that it was just normal rap packaged as something else.. oh wells.. oh yeah, and i figured out how to upload pics haha.. i feel like so tech savvy now heheh..
12:20 am
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
you know, if you asked me, id probably say the world is as it should be right now.. i mean, like the blessed silence, just the crickets and other miscellanous noise-making creatures, and the general stillness not present in the day.. beautiful. i wanna breathe it all in.. but i guess, when the stories we hear, the things we see, point to say otherwise.. are we able to turn away and return to our apathetic little lives, going about our daily routines as per normal? how easy it is to forget those whom we do not usually see.. especially when they are in some remote region i dont even know where on the map it is.. for the first+ hour or so i was like omg, you mean this is still happening? i mean like what happened to eradication poverty and i dunno, stuff like that.. you know, i subscribe to the newsletters and whatnot of some of these organisations, so many of them.. poverty, environment, that sort of thing.. sometimes i read them, sometimes i dont.. sometimes when i am free i help send an email, one in thousands, to some inluencial person or other asking for this and asking for that.. and i feel that, hey, ive done well maybe not a lot, but a bit today.. what wonderful delusions they make.. and already, i feel myself being enconsced (no idea how to spell that) in this coccoon of the everyday life, ready to forget.. and i suppose, when school begins in a couple of hours, routine will take over and i dunno, this will fade away.. i suppose thinking of like working for the UN or i dunno, somewhere or other where we can exact change is like, i dunno, a comforting sort of fairytale? what are you gonna do then.. donate more money? how can you be sure the money goes to the right place.. write more letters/petitions? like hello, as far as i can tell, my emails resulted in some animals being put on the protected list, and perhaps some measures being taken? i dunno.. i cant really remember any like significant progress on the poverty side.. i can so see myself slipping back into the routine of school and stuff, just one more apathetic person in a world of billions.. really? anyways, all hope is not lost.. i suppose for those whose circumstance is the bleakest, hope becomes more of a necessity than a luxury.. this morning i dropped a cup.. it like happened so fast that the only coherent thought that occured before it hit the ground was "break" or that it was gonna break. but it didnt.. it kinda hit the floor cloth, bounced even, and landed on my foot.. it reminded me of the story people tell of this philosophy professor who didnt believe in god. he would challenge those you came into his class, telling them stuff like if there is a god and he is ___ and ____ (kinda mutilating the story a little, but i cant really remember see..), why cant he stop a chalk from breaking.. if there is one of you in the lecture hall who believes in a god, then i dunno, he asks them to stand up and say why or something like that.. i cant really remember.. but anyways, so every semester students go away cowed, not daring to stand up for their faith, and every semester, the professor dropped the chalk and it broke.. until one day a student stood up and challenged the professor.. *fastforward a little* and when the professor dropped the chalk, it got caught in the material of his pants, rolled down onto the floor, unharmed.. i guess there are three ways to look at things such things.. one is to look at it and say, that was a coincidence, and coincidences happen all the time.. even events with one in a million chance of happening will happen eventually.. or you could walk away thinking: god is so good/powerful/ any other edjective.. and *awestruck* kinda thing.. or i guess walk away unfazed and unchanged.. you know, things like this happen.. i figure im the last, doing a lot of fence-sitting sometimes.. which are you.. anyhoo. yes better do some work before tomorrow, no today, makes scrambled eggs of me.. and i suppose, no time to think about the suffering of those who have to means to help themselves.. yes, we will all do something tomorrow.. like, totally.
4:28 am
Monday, July 02, 2007
happy youth day people.
youth is wasted on the young before you know its come and gone too soon
robbie williams
10:19 am
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.