Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous êtes venu au faux endroit.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
i am finding it very hard to muster anything more than a bleak sense of apathy for the current exams.. or for the future, for that matter.. i suppose yes, it will matter somewhat when people get their results and go places and get scholarships and such but, not much. im pretty much resigned to stuff.. yeah i know. how can someone who's eighteen be so resigned? its like barely a quarter of your life has gone by kinda thing right.. but you see, ive come to recognize that one person is not going to make a big impact on the world. or rather, the odds are really stacked against it.. its like the probability thing in math or one of those stats thingies.. (haha see i might fail my math but im still gonna get some marks here and there *gringrin*) you know, like yes, of course there will be people who do make a difference. if you count the whole span of time and if you look at all the people ever.. if you count the probability, then yes of course, there will be people who will make a difference.. a minute proportion of them will make a difference.. what are the chances that that person will be me.. or you, for that matter.
of couse, i am being very fatalistic, i know. yes hope is good. goodgoodgood. according to one of our gp papers, hope is an intrinsic value, an end in itself, blahblah blahblah.. btw, what we fail to realise is that gp compres often serve as social commentaries on us the doers of the papers (not so much this one) and should serve as points of reflection, but all all we ever do is moan and groan about how hard the paper was, or how little marks we got for the aq, or how we so didnt get what the summary was asking for, and the list goes on. anyways. hope, is good, yes? why else are people recycling when its easier to just trash it and get a new one? why else are people spending big bucks on hybrid cars? yes dont we all believe in the power of one.. no dont get me wrong, im pretty pro-environment actually.. (but only when compared to my peers hahaha, everything is relative remember?) when i send an email to some decision maker, does my email count when working towards 50 000, 100 000, or a million? doesnt really seem like it. but then again, if everyone thought that way, the count would probably only count around several hundred. i cant really get my head round this one.. i mean, either it works or it doesnt.. could it be that it works, but only sort of?
i understand that looking at the whole world, i am but an insignificant part. as are you, sitting there in front of your computer screen. only difference is, either 1) you fail to/refuse to recognize the futility of your actions or 2) you do realize the futility of your actions but since it does make a difference to you and you alone you still choose to do those whatever it is that you are doing. what is seems to me is, most people are either in 1) or 2). if most are in 1) then i must admit, thats rather sad.. but if most people belong to 2), then there leaves something to be desired in the way i think, dont you think? if half the world can overcome this, then why cant i?
unlike the starfish story (you know, the one where this guys throwing starfish back into the sea when the tide went down then this other guys asking like why, cos theres just so so many starfish to throw back, how could it ever make a difference? and the guy says: makes a difference to this one) yes unlike the starfish story, i cannot seem to understand/feel how things can make a difference, even to me.. i mean like yeah, i guess if i study now, ill get better grades, my life will be heaps easier along the way, that sort of thing.. somehow i cannot make myself believe it, no matter how much self-talk, brainwashing, or whatever-you-choose-to-call-it i try.. obviously, i havent mastered the art of doublethink a la 1984.. either that or i simply not trying hard enough..
as i told my mother earlier, you could help me look for a rich husband. i only hope that she knew i was joking though. but anyways. applications for rich husbands now open.
Criteria: -Possess a considerable amount of material wealth or will do so in the near future upon imminent the death of a family member -Be willing to part with some of it each month so that i can live comfortably (negotiable) -Understand that this is not a marriage of love (whatever that may be)
I will, however, provide interesting conversation if you feel like it, cook for you if so desired, attend family functions or company events and even get new dresses and go for makeovers to look the part. (if you pay for it, of course)
Interested applicants, please email myrdrall@gmail.com Do note that only shortlisted applicants will be notified.
oh yes. i must not forget to tell you that i wrote that marriage is futile for my o level english.. many thanks to cla. :)
PS. I PARAGRAPHED THIS.
5:49 pm
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.
