Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous ĂȘtes venu au faux endroit.
Friday, October 26, 2007
E(X)=>infinity *positively wilts*
anyways, heres what my mum said on the way back while i tried to convince my sister that i wasnt weird for listening to dresden dolls. she said something like "dont tell me youre listening to satanic music" like hahaha huh? i mean ive strayed some away from religion but i cant have gone that far off right.. and what is satanic music anyways. rawrs. i mean like yars, i stopped going to church what, four years ago.. its not like things have changed very much, just that im more honest about it, not deluding myself (and others) that yeah im a catholic, or a christian or anything, making up excuses why im not going to church or going for confessions or you know other stuffs that somehow make up this religion. and maybe im more vocal about it now heh.. i totally didnt mean it that way when i was asking them about the bible donation drive thing at st marys i saw in the bulletin and said: your church is having a bible donation drive, why dont you donate some bibles.. they were kinda just, i dunno, flabbergasted. :/ ah oh wells, not like theyre really the bible-reading, rosary-kneading sort anyways. they altar in err, my room is super gathering dust. lots and lots of it.. yeah. but wells at least they stopped asking me to go to church every weekend. but it feels odd you know.. kinda insane, even. growing up in a totally christian environment, like christianity was a given in school, kinda thing. morning devotions, weekly chapels, believing teachers who prayed for and with you before tests and exams.. and well yeah, i did like mg for that.. yeah and having a grandfather whos like so religious devout *insert other suitable adjectives, you wouldnt be too far off* you know, like he goes for mass like every day, and sometimes (usually, actually) more than once a day serving as a communion minister, until some health problem thingies. he keeps this record of like communions taken, confessions given, pilgrimages gone on, that kinda stuff.. i quite distinctly remember there was a year where the holy communions one ran into the eight hundreds.. like, wow? seriously. 365 days a year, that adds up to 2.something a day.. so yeah. you would expect his progeny to be somewhat sticking to the catholic faith as well, if not as fervent. and so they are, so they are.. i cant really think of my relatives who have umm deviated so far, so i guess its pretty much just me.. (ps. i dont know why im like here, rambling on and on since i have work to do, but i figure my fingers need the exercise) i suppose the only other person i know who might somewhat "stray" would be my cousin, but the last i heard, he was still pretty much catholic, so ho hum. *drums fingers on table and tries to think of friends instead* oh yesh. i met this old friend of mine recently like after what, one year.. and surprise surprise, she turned agnostic just like me.. *grinsgrins* i was really surprised, k (and superbly gladdened too) cos the last time we talked, she was happily going to new crea. ah wells. as they say, theres no better time to be an atheist. and you know, he said. so what good universities for music are there? or something along the lines of that.. and i nearly died. D-I-E-D-E-D i dont know what to feel now.. like, you mean youre okay with it after all? you mean youre willing to pay for it even? oh wait, wait a minute, who said theres gonna be anything to pay for.. what makes you think you can get in anywhere.. darn.
oh and you know what, i remember the day (or was it night) that i hit back too. she was using one of those wire hangers that i dunno, she happened to be holding and i was already way bent out of shape, a useless piece of metal.. i kinda tried grabbing it but it too thin and moving too fast.. like you know some physics thing about the end of the thing moving way faster than the point which you hold or something like that.. the longer the thing the greater the force.. (moments?) yeah so anyways the next time the thing came round i kinda hit her hand/arm i think.. i mean, bigger, moving slower, better target, right? so wells she certainly was surprised.. as was i, i must admit.. we sorta glared at each other and i cant really remember what happened next.. i stalked/ran off i figure.. i wonder who felt worse that day, her or me.. yeah anyways, this is such a random post.. darn jodi picoult and her book. *grumbles*
ah wells. mondays over.. feels strange, kinda, like my weeks out of limbo somehow.. and here i am listening to horowitz and alfred brendel play schubert cos really, theres nothing else to listen to.. no actually, scratch that. alright so maybe one week on i want/need to listen to this, like a salve. it has to sting first before it heals, or something like that.. god, what happened to me being able to shutter a wall in front of all the distractions when it comes down to crunchtime. not enough practise lately, i suppose.. things going too well.. there were all these thoughts racing through my head i cant remember what, my hands felt disconnected from me, on autopilot mode.. the piano should have sung, dammit. not.. whatever happened.. its not like i was really freaked by all those people sitting in there or anything, though thats what i tell people when they ask(ed), myself included. alright you know what, get over it. like, seriously.
8:45 pm
Sunday, October 07, 2007
alrights, so mood: grumpy, if you come near me, great otherwise.. hehs right now The Family is watching some chinese historyish sorta show like some emperors dying or something like that.. :/ wow, the most interesting show ive ever seen.. pardon the mood, its this book that i started reading.. sorry jessie no offense to your reading taste but jodi picoult is annoying me like crazy.. its okay if you keep switching between all the characters point of view from chapter to chapter.. its even okay if you use different fonts for each of them; make some kinda statement or evoke the character maybe? but do it tastefully for goodness sake! with style! theres no artistry in this at all, just the spinning of words words words.. dont know about the rest of the (i guess) thousands who helped make her books bestsellers but.... omg i think this book of hers seriously panders to those wishing/hoping/wanting/*insert another verb* to indulge in i dunno, something along the lines of self pity.. there is really something for everyone.. like the mother whos doesnt really have a life cos shes always putting out fires.. or perhaps in this case the dad whos really putting out fires.. the sibling who seems to be insignificant.. the one whos had a lost/unrequited love.. the one who feels neglected.. the list goes on forever.. i must hand it to her though. from such a relatively small cast of characters she is able to appeal to so many different kinds of people wanting to feel sorry for themselves, or at least wanting some source of comfort that their course of action was justified though it may not seem so.. i mean, looklook here are some that apply to me:
My mother moves so fast I do not even see it coming. But she slaps my face hard enough to make my head snap backward. She leaves a print that stains me long after it's faded. Just so you know: shame is five-fingered.
i mean like seriously, i would find it really hard to believe that theres any child who has grown up without their parent(s) ever raising a hand against them.. and yeah i suppose this kinda reminded me of when my mum slapped me, well kinda. i dont remember when, i dont remember why, all i remember is the disbelief, the (imagined, i suppose) heat radiating from the hand print, the use of incisive words meant to hurt in order to buy some time so that composure can be regained, so that the tears welling up will somehow evaporate or leak back down where they came from.. (i kinda forgot what we were supposed to learn in secondary school about the eye..) so yeah, something like that.. and what about this:
Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.
hmm really? you mean i like to maintain this aloofness thingy because of that? *vigourous eyebrow raising ensues* i am more inclined to think along the lines of white oleanders "loneliness is the human condition".. even if that book isnt accurate, at least its way more poetic (not in a obsessive way), way more thoughtful, way more artistic, and dozens of other adjectives you just plonk in there.. (why does it seem like im always coming back to that book?) but i suppose, if youre trying to write a bestseller and make your book applicable to just about half the world, you would have to have something for somebody on every page and try to end every section with wanna-be one-liners.. i guess in that she has succeeded.. i wonder if she really does feel for her work.. :/
anywaysies. so much for that book.. but i guess im finishing the book. i wanna know what happens. yes, i know. incorrigible.. give me one hour without interruption and ill get back to work.. oh yes this moods probably quite good for the writing of the adventures of ninny the spaceman.. read away i shall..
and yes. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLA! :) hopefully youre feeling somehow different from any of the other days of your life, though i doubt so heh..
8:29 pm
Friday, October 05, 2007
you know what, i cannot believe this. my eyes are tired, my brain isnt in the best of conditions, there are just so many things to do, and yesh i am so whining, but.. butbutbut i am not bonking into my bed like i usually do.. i seriously feel the need to force myself awake and yeah.. stay awake.. i dont usually believe in staying awake for one hour to do 15 mins of work.. might as well sleep even though sleeping accomplishes absolutely nothing.. that is so not me, im scared of myself.. did i just say that? yeah, i think i did.. i scare myself. hmm. anyways. been awhile since i hung around here, figured my fingers could do with the exercise.. although it does feel kinda weird now, typing away at stuff.. theyve gotten used to other kinds of exercise maybe.. haiyars, and i didnt even say goodbye to the Big Black Thing with all those small movable parts like i did the Big Brown Thing.. alright alright, not Thing, but Friend. :( the Big Black Friend-Thing at home isnt very friendly.. okayokay to work to work..
ps. my phones dying, the screen whites out when it slides open/closed.. if im uncontactable in a few weeks/months time, thats why..
12:47 am
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.