Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous ĂȘtes venu au faux endroit.
Monday, December 31, 2007
okay. so last day of 2007. thats a hurray, i suppose. this last month has been so eventful the rest of the year just pales in comparison.. okay lah, not like we didnt do anything during the whole year, but still. we havent achieved much per se, but ah, i think weve come a respectable distance this four weeks lah, for the average person, what more for people like us who shy away from long-term consistent chipping away at something to achieve something or other. but lesson learnt: before doing anything, must survey the market first. and one month is super not enough heh. but oh wells.
anyways. christmas was so-so i guess, whatwith relatives coming down from malaysia and all.. but what struck me was this gathering my mum had with some of her batch girls and others from the army/saf/or some other related place.. i was like sitting there, not really contributing to the conversation since there really wasnt anything much for me to say.. butbutbut amazingly i felt this sense of camaraderie and it did feel much nicer than some/many conversations with people our age.. haha there was this computer person who was like "i always go to the toilet before i drive so that i can feel relaxed when i drive" she is like so super cute and likeable lah. and some part of me wants to be like her when i grow up? like somewhat geeky, possessing some uncommon skill like being able to build your own computer.. and drawing a sense of achievement from things like painting your own house, and that straightforwardness hurrhurr. i cannot help liking her. and believe it or not, the thought of "hmm, maybe joining the army isnt that bad an idea afterall" did actually cross my mind.. although it was kinda shortlived, the idea. the rigidity, the whole long-termness of the jobs just make me go :/ cannot cannot. id die of boredom.yes, these capable middle-aged women in the midst of career changes and whatnot, i felt i could relate to better than umm, other people. oooold.
oh yesh, speaking of christmas gatherings and celebrations and such stuff, as usual, im not gonna make any new years resolution cos i know its not gonna make a difference haha. yeah, like how will i know if i dont try right. but ah wells. the idea of having to do something for such a long time just err, turns me off.. umm i mean like yeah sure, i can wake up at seven every morning.. but if i say okay every morning from now on i must wake up at seven then chances are, its gonna fall through. maybe its a subconscious way of reminding oneself that the world is not perfect and will not, cannot ever be.. and no goal is ever completely achievable 100%, every utopia bound to be marred by a smudge, no matter how indistinct. and such is life, is it not? missed chances, inflated hopes, and (not-so)perfectness. but then plod along, it does, this thing called life. but we cant just drop out of this life thing, can we.. without it there would be nothing.. and so we just, plod along i guess?
10:51 am
Friday, December 21, 2007
it feels good make sarcastic jokes which are so sarcastic that theyre lame. the cheapest form of sarcasm. but yeah. hmm well yes certainly feels good to suddenly not bother about those tuition agents. and not to worry about making it on time from one place to another. what was that quote about poking fun at the things dearest to you again. i cant remember. my dad is amazingly watching one of those sappy chinese serial thingies. i cant believe it. yes anyways i was saying sarcasm. come near but not too near. the world as they say is a stage and we are but actors in it? people see what they want to see, life is a masquerade is it not? yes come close but not too close, ill run. because solitude is good remember? and loneliness is the human condition, and to expect anything more is to set yourself up for disappointment. no, not that i dont enjoy human interaction. yes i believe i do, after a fashion. just dont come too close all right.. yeahh but that being said, ive kinda given up the idea of buying a huge plot of the land in the super middle of nowhere and just staying there. not feasible. hmm, just like the blue hair thing which i wanted for the longest of times. oh, and the eyeliner thing? im starting to get this idea that if i heap on the eyeliner, all the little kiddos will probably freak out. no good no good. oh well, not like i knew how to put on eyeliner anyways.
DID YOU KNOW that tomorrow would be one month since the bio paper. one month since the last paper ended. well for me at least.. and one month since the end of well, all that. i am the worlds biggest procrastinator man. im not very sure what i was expecting to have achieved, but well. more than this certainly. im free im free im free. but i havent exactly done muchness with this... freeness/freedom thing. oh yesh, but i am slowly learning that big things come in small bits. which kinda disagrees with i dunno, the way i do everything.. i mean, do it fast and all at one shot right? or rather not do it at all if it even seems like its gonna be less than perfect. but noooo. how does it work? you chip away at the rock little by little until maybe something like a century later you get a masterpiece which is posthumously acclaimed. hmm yes such is life. you live and then you die and then what? is death the abscence of life. is that all. there is no point, is there. there is simply no point to chipping away at those rocks if we are but mere dust in the scheme of things and the wheel of time would just turn and life (as we know it) just rolls right now. hmms if anybodys church has that kind of exploratory kinda talk thingoes please do invite me. or yeah whatever religion actually. i just wanna know. not that it would make that much to this reluctant chipper of rocks, but yeah i do wanna know. or at least know to the human extent of knowing. andand, if anybody is or knows a mormon, i wanna meet one okay? did i tell about about this national day that just passed, on an impulse i walked into that church of latter day saints at newton when i was passing by on the bus. i wish i could tell you an absolutely awesome story about how i got converted or how i thought it was absolute hogwash, but no. i went in and it was completely empty. yeah, so much for meeting mormons. i forgot that it was a public holiday and not a sunday or something.. i really wanna know though.. they really do believe all that? like 100%? how and why, goodness. okay but yeah if theyre happy well then hmm i suppose okay... oh yes anyways, yeah what is there to life but the end of it? (no im not being suicidal or anything here) is there anything after death? must there be something after death? it seems incomplete or lacking somehow right.. like what, this and nothing else? god i feel cheated.
who wants to live forever who wants to love forever http://youtube.com/watch?v=Zo52T7uKOJU haha, i remember one time i kept on scrolling back trying figure out if that guy was really playing the bass in the middle there.. never quite decided until one day i decided that it didnt matter at all. :/
anyways yes despite all i said about leaving fantasy behind i am pretty much hooked on that series right now.. the one that i never got around to finishing. real life pales in comparison and i cant stop treating people like theyre storybook characters this is so insane.. even though reading small words makes my eyes hurt when reading towgays doesnt. ho hum. i should really get a life. a real life not a fictional one hurrhurr.
these are absolutely to die for. i mean, really. just take a look at them. dont they look simply gorgeous? the height of culinary decadence.. well in the world of muffins at least.. oh and plus, you know its awfully easy too.. you know, just perfecting the muffins would be such a breeze.. maybe give or take a month thats all.. and oh, the meringue-ish topping. even simpler still. i mean, have you heard of a meringue thats hard to to make? hmm and of course the chocolate topping to top it all off.. the consistency will be just.. i dunno, perfect. :( okay fine. now currently im trying to pick the bits and pieces of my kitchen back together.. i kinda went on a week-and-a-half long hiatus from backing due to a string of terrible terrible umm, things. i kinda broke off the handle of the oven.. dunno how it happened either :( so you cant like open it without touching the metal inside :( then never mind.. while it was preheating it just completely broke down on me.. yesh, after id done most of the stuff already.. okay fine, given that its ten years old? but still.. then there was the apple pie :( it was all going really fine until well, lets just say an unfortunate mishap caused the whole thing to umm crash onto the floor.. yesh my fault :( only good thing was that it wasnt my mums favourite dish. and then those pathetic excuses for banana muffins. i mean like banana muffins = banana bread/cake, sorta right? what is so hard about banana bread. like you know, risen by paking powder, all the work done for you.. yesh, they barely rose.. it was like the first time ever that my muffins sank okay. i mean like, sank? i love my muffins mountainous, like cracking a little at the top for that home-madey look :( yeah oh wells. so yesh ho hums, i guess ill try to lower my goal abit. okay now on to conquering muffins. no more bread and sourdough stuff for now.. my starters still waiting patiently in the fridge to get uhh, started. hmm so yesh, muffins it is then. my first attempt after the break thingo on sunday wasnt too successful tho. i mean like, edible and all, but not soft enough, not moist enough, blah. anyways. webbie below is enough to make anyone go on a muffin craze, like totally.
oh as a continuation of the last post.. not that it was all bad though.. i wouldnt change anything if i had the chance.. not that id change anything in the past though.. ive met some pretty amazing people whom i guess id never knew this kind of person existed until now but yeah.. met people with ways of thinking and doing things are so incongruous to your own that you start wondering how do we spend time together? and then when you actually do, you realise that youre all the same afterall. and then there are the teachers. you know how in mg we used to think wow the teachers are so nice, care for us and all.. hmm. i began to realise that you know, maybe we thought that it was so awesome and all because we never knew any better. because really. have you met a teacher who never gave up? i have. have you met a teacher who help you, not only in the subject she teaches but in every way possible? i have. have you met a teacher who will not only help you, but help you even though you have proved time and again that you are not worth all the time and effort expended? i have.
oh dear. now i have to rack my brains for what to say since i got distracted. see larh, do so many grammar exercises until now i cant even write coherently. i never bothered with all those stuff like what was grammar, what was past tense, past perfect tense, what are verbs, adjectives and what not.. i mean like, they were just.. there. it was just a thing you did with the english language thats all.. why need to make it so hard you know, with all those cheemo terminology and stuff. but you know, now i understand the importance of grammar. no grammar, no sense. i mean like, how do you explain the use of words like under/over/of/at? sounds simple? nonono think again. and that is why i churn out grammar exercises by the ton. err.. maybe not quite.. by the ream then.. err, not quite either.. okay fine i shall settle for by sheet :/ my english is dying.. after you tear a language down to its hows and whys you find that all thats left is what you have. like:
Sally is good at badminton. Sean excels in swimming. John is interested in calligraphy. Jasmine does well in her studies.
i mean like, their meanings arent that far apart what. how come must have different words for some? i also dunno. <---------- see see? perfect example of horrible english! okay i shall stop here. i am quite rubbishing.
7:14 am
Friday, December 07, 2007
tralalaaa. its only been what, two weeks since all that ended and i must say, im lovin it. yeshyesh i have waited one and a half years for this time.. and more than three years for this err.. idea of a time.. you know, when we wanted to run away to wherever, remember?
running running as fast as we can
ah wells anyways. yes im sorry to anyone im pangsehing/going to pangseh in the near future. its just that while you guys were happily going through school and i guess working towards the As and all i couldnt wait for it all to end. school, all of it.. but it over now so umm yay? hmmm i suppose im not doing anything all that WOW with my life or anything but you know what, running around teaching people totally beats walking aimlessly from lesson to lesson, pretending to learn stuff that no longer interests you, studying for an exam that ceased to mean anything one quarter of your stay in the school. yes this totally beats it. yes, i have lousy scheduling. yes, its insane why i took up students like so out of the way from me. but this still wins staying in school hands down. you know why? because i get to meet people like that china girl who went for her interview yesterday. the first time i met her i thought: omg, no life, no character. but you know what, i am so proud of her. in five days she improved so much.. i mean no shes not some model student or anything, far from it. but yeah.. and, twelve years of schooling never made as interested in the chinese language as those two hour sessions made me feel. go figure. oh yes, and because i get to meet people like those bukit panjang kids who get so happy over smiley faces and start drawing like crazy, whose eyes light up when they suddenly realise that shucks, i can do this! because i never realised that my cousin could be good company.. andand because i get to meet people like that lakeside girl who makes you wonder how to get her to talk more. and so on.. hurr. oh yes not to mention i get to plan my day.. (*gasp* plan? did you just say plan? gail? plan?) ah yes, it would seem to me that all is not lost.. the ability to plan was embedded somewhere in my brain. and of course, i get to earn my own keep. do you know how long i have waited for that? long has been the wait. *pseudo-inspirational music plays on in the background* and sweet is the fruit. haha okay fine the sweet fruit part of totally unnecessary, i know. okay, not like im like earning alot now, im still paying back those darn comissions to the agents. but still. it is a start. life starts now.
so run along then.. go watch movies, go swim, go shopping, go party, go skating, go you know, whatever. yay, so umm, fun. so... necessary.
7:35 am
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.