Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous ĂȘtes venu au faux endroit.
Friday, February 29, 2008
the weeeekend! hohoho *gringrin* oh goodness tralala, lets worry about results next week, mine and theirs. maybe the key to fulfilment is finding something to look forward to every day. well. i suppose i could do that.. i mean, i had something to look forward to on monday.. what i looked forward to the most was giving away that echidna chocolate.. i must tell you about the echidna chocolate okay, cos its so super cute and so super farnee. cos like the two p5 students both did this paper which had this comprehension on echidnas.. i mean like, echidnas? hello? what on earth is that? why do we all wanna know? but anyways. apparently the same family as spiny anteaters and duck-billed platypus who are mammals but lay eggs. anywaysies, i had to get it for them when i saw it in candy empire the other day. the superduper cute thingo was, i got a call from her parent today asking me where i got it from.. apparently the father ate the chocolate! and the mother didnt want her to know! omg, that is so cute..
tuesday. i got to give away the other echidna chocolate to the other p5 student.. it was quite a nice lesson.. i so love revision.. and last minute cheonging. and stuff.
wednesday. putting in a full day of work. yeah can you imagine that, that gave me a high. *stares in stunned belief* although i didnt quite manage it:( some communication error. oh yes. and more revision. tomorrow math paper, see me today.
thursday. well. what better thing to look forward to than to feel wood vibrate *gringrin* one of the highest points of the week. and to top it all too, tomorrow science paper, see me today. now does that sound familiar? anyways. the best lesson of the week:) p4 science revision, completed everything, can see her starting to brim with revised knowledge stuffies, beginning to go hey i know this! and totally helped by the way she grinned when i asked her how was math today although she super refused to say that it was good. or if it was bad. i take it to be good though? (hope no careless mistakes)
today. woody vibrations, again. more grins all round. lesson-wise it was quite shitty larhs. the two of them super didnt practise can. and she went back to like, square negative one or something. ALL PIECES. *grumps* what on earth? i ended up rumping her up and down a little (a major first) but for all its making me feel terrible, it didnt work. *more grumping* no difference. i mean like seriously, you wanna take grade 2, dont like that can.. alrighty, shall not let you ruin my mood.
saturday, dinner. sunday, no lessons! hohoho.
anyways, yes. i was asking my mother to name 10 things that make her excited about work every day (she couldnt) cos she was niehing me about being so fickle and saying that ill probably like change jobs maybe every decade or so cos i think id get bored.. so, ill try this one. in five minutes:
10 Reasons Why I Look Forward To Work Every Day. 1) I get to see cute kids. who are well. still kids. ie. urms innocent-er? 2) the look on their faces when they start to feel that anything is possible and that theyre smart and they can do well and they are like i dunno, achievers? 3) the lame jokes they tell. although serious eye muscle control is needed here. 4) the chance to see what goes on in the minds of little ones 5) the chance to be impressed when somebody like miraculously completes an impossible amount of homework. or gets something superduper quickly. or says something thats worthy of you learning from. 6) i get alot of alone-time on buses and trains. 7)everybody is different
okay, didnt quite complete that. your turn. of course, theres the whining.. and the yawning, esp during the academic stuff.. (my greatest fear) i start talking rubbish, like anything, hoping to like interest them but its like, too much too fast.. and in that sleepened state they like find it even harder to follow :/ and the homework bargaining.. "school teachers gave me alot of homework you know.." alright, now then. do i look like i care? so. 2-3 papers a week. i would have hated that man. eeekks. but then again. my primary purpose is to see you do well, okay. not make you like me or feel extra relaxed during lessons or anything. i wanna stretch your brains. yesh, i try to inculcate some kind of love for learning and the subject.. but no. as daisy ho says, psle is practice-based. the more you do the better. (okay fine, applies to everything, really) goodness. im giving them no life and im going down the path of learning because of exams. i really would have hated this way of things whenn i was younger. should i be scared because im not longer scared that this is happening?
speaking of of daisy ho. Tuition Agents/Agencies -- The Lowdown
-Trusttution. this is really good for tuition agent wannabees. and those who want some kinda residual income. the base of tutors is there.. they give advice for client-getting and stuff. its all online, with a system for looking for/sorting tutors, and its really simple only need to match tutor to tutee, the rest is done for you. plus, perks like cheaper assessment books for parents and free exam papers doable online sound quite appealing to parents (i guess) butbut, not good for the tutors because.. the parents still pay lets say $20 an hour so theyre thinking oh wow i get these assessment book packages and free test papers for the same rate i would pay for a tutor for other agencies. somemore the tutor-parent relationship is monitered by the agency, theres some assurance of a long-term thing.. (the fees are paid to the agency every month) but then, it is the tutors who are at a loss. the money for the agents minimal recurring income comes as well as the maintainence fee for the website and stuff comes from the tutors. instead of earning a full $20/hr, youd earn sth like $17.50. sucks? you bet.
-Life Lessons Consultancy. this is basically a one-man show, with this ex-tutor with experience with other agencies before setting up his own. havent exactly gotten anything from him, but could be because he has this must have a levels thingy. but anyways, if everything he says is true, then this would be good for the long-term committed tutor because apparently he can charge higher rates because he's one of the rare agencies that even meet their tutors face-t0-face. and apparently also establishes long-term relationships by calling up so check progress and stuff like that..
-Startutors. seems like quite a big organised one, pretty much online-ish, where parents can actually browse through stats and rankings and stuff before choosing the tutor. its a large-ish and im pretty sure legitimate one cos they give actual invoices to the parents and ive received smses from over ten individuals.. must be pretty big, huh. only thing is.. its not good for the newbie cos since the parents get to choose, they wont go for the undergrads and non-degree-holders and part-timers. i only got my assignment from them because i think the location was quite far west so not many tutors wanted? theyre constantly improving themselves.. theyve recently added more stuff, like tweaking their ranking system, adding timetables so you can see available time (although they still msg me for times when im obviously not heh) and even going onto facebook harharhar.
-Atutors. this one is completely online. parents can see details and previous successful assignments online.. like the above, favours experienced tutors. and promotes fee-slashing.
-manytutors. another large one, quite a number of agents, with an office in the east and all that.. theyre quite diversified in that they do do quite a number music students and stuff. runs like a clockwork. i had one the agents quitting/leaving before i paid the fee and the follow-up person collected it. i wonder if he got the money though. poor guy. he was nice. and he referred me to a few students. and always said welcome before you said thank you.
-various smaller online and phone/home-based agents/agencies. all i can say is, they dont really want to help you try for a better rate because they prefer to keep the parents happy. i suppose you could say what you pay for is what you get. not always. but oh wells.
-mrs ho's SD tuition. seriously, id think this is the one which offers the most.. be it in terms of looking out for your interests or support. okay, so her trainings might not be all that fantastic. but at least you know without having to bumble your way around for a little before knowing the key things and stuff. and the training is continuous (supposedly) and things are exam-based. because seriously, why have tuition? simply to do better. and the worksheets and exam papers. yes, they do help in lessons, the worksheets, that i can say.. if you know how to use them i suppose.. and what is also awesome is, since the parents need to continue getting the worksheets and papers from her, she also has a vested interest that you do well as a tutor. sure you pay $50 more per student.. but im not griping.. i think this is the best for both tutors who are starting out and those with more experience as well.. unless of course you have your own method already and so using the worksheets wouldnt be such a great idea. oh yes. and the pay. it does start out at a rather comfortable $20/hr.
ps. above list of agents and agencies is by no means exhaustive
pps. i just found out that my blood type is B positive. and since my fathers an O, that makes me heterozygous! i have a recessive allele! *gringringrin* hohoho.
11:30 pm
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
"Exposure to the deterministic message increased cheating."
officially, i need a religion. yes, need. i need to believe in something, anything. and i need to feel something, anything. right now the only thing i feel is probably something like, omg i am so super shit scared because this week is judgement week. theyre all going off for their CA1s ggghhh *various nerve-induced activities ensue* somebody said today that her teacher said that only half the class passed english! :( :( :( and half the world found the vocabs and compre cloze hard. expected, but still :( urgghhh. *thinks of all the uncovered topics* i want you to go away feeling smart and thinking "omg, hey i can do this! hey i can do well! why did i ever not like studying?" maybe you dont dislike all this works stuffs all that much anymore, but still. we havent gone through enough questions, done enough papers, etc to even have a remotely certain chance of doing well okay :( and i want you to :( :(
see, i cant even write anything about anything. i need to stop being so bloody apathetic about everything. like, seriously. i cant muster anything more than a passing interest in anything. results, future, books, what goes on elsewhere, or what goes on anywhere, for that matter. that is so lame i dont even know what to say. like, hello? other than the aforementioned peeve, theres nothing much to feel, really.
there are two pieces of paper stuck to a shelf in my room. one goes "Build up, not Tear down" and the other goes "CREATE something" so far the effects of the two have been quitequite negligible. they mock me on my worse days, and yet they are such an insane source of inspiration on the better ones. the first gives you (or me, at least) a better mindset to look at the world with, and the other, all i can say is i havent created anything yet. or at least, havent created anything that has gotten itself penned down (which is to say, nothing) so much for being inspirational. thank goodness theyve only been up for about three days. any much longer and theyll soon be joining the heap of failed ventures. somebody once told me long ago that self-help books only work if you believe in them. shucks, i want to alright? i tried reading one of those mitch albom books and some other self-help thingo but, no. nothing. something? anything? id like to believe in/feel something again.. :/
12:02 am
Friday, February 15, 2008
look at what i found while clearing the computer's recyling bin.
A little poem
You, the mosquito, foul beast Engaging in tactical espionage action Syphoning blood under the cover of darkness Leaving welts of itchy fortitude in your wake.
Beware my citronella, vermin! I am armed with deat. I shall repulse you back from whence you came, For my veins are not your playthings.
Should I ever catch you in the act, I will stiffen my muscle, thwarting your escape. You will bloat, despite your instinct. And I will explode you like a bloody hot dog.
my first thought was, omg SO CUTE! and then, erhh, what is citronella and deat? and where on earth did she learn words like vermin and fortitude and thwart etc. and then bloody! where did she learn the bloody from? surely none of us in this house say bloody.. oh my god and shit and what the hell etc. yes, all the beginnings of uncouthness. but surely not bloody? dont really think its really singaporean english-ish enough for us to get into the habit of using it.. :/ not that its a badbad word or anything.. haha oh one day i remember i was amazed when the p3 niehnieh girl went shit.. then i realised that we all say it in front of isabelle too.. oh surprise surprise. anyways, OKAY larh. bloody both ways, i just realised.. bloody and bloody bloody. oh wells. as much as i would like to be blown away thinking that she wrote this, its 1) too hard to believe 2) too scarey if she really did write this.. i mean like.. o, m, g? even things like instinct, foul? are they in p3 vocab? *wracks brains* i actually did consider the idea that she could have checked out all those cheemo words in the thesaurus but then, no. i dont think so. shes not the kind who will check stuff up in dictionaries, not even for homework. let alone some poem which is probably three times as long as what an average nine-year-old would write (and only when forced), all to have it chucked in the recycling bin. and then theres the thing of, even if she did check it all up, how would she know to string them all together? alrights. but for now, ill harbour this tiny little impossible hope that she somehow did manage all that. right. *rolls eyes at self* i am getting to be quite the fawning parent. *turns green*
anyways. today i saw the coolest thing in the whole week. i saw a lion dance! *gringrin* okay, it wasnt much of a dance.. it was more of a lion walkabout. it was kinda making its way around some market stalls, trailing an entourage of two cymbals, one of those big gong thingos on wheels and some other people who were like shouting like hey or hah or some other celebratory cry periodically. making alot of noise. err, it was altogether quite lame, really. maybe i missed the exciting part:( but it made such a good start to the day. oh yeah. and it was like one of those racial harmony lessons or sth? where youre supposed to like understand and appreciate other races and their cultures? cos i think lion dance is a chinese thing right? but then all the troupe members were malays.. oh and the other day i thought it was really cool also.. i was like walking around a students neighbourhood cos i was early, then there was this indian auntie or uncle i cant remember who was asking this shopkeeper what they did with those gourd thingies that they were selling.. it was this green gourd things which are sorta hourglass-shaped, theyre green, but in like those sun wu kong shows they use a brown one to store water or sth? apparently theyre used for prayer.. and then thrown away. haha i super didnt know that.
oh yeah. do you feel like youre a tourist in your own country sometimes? i know i do.. sometimes when i walk around hdb neighbourhoods or eat at coffeeshops i get that feeling. it is like so weird. how can you be a stranger to the place you grew up in? anyways. the other day i was trying to like check out chinatown.. i went the week after chinese new year, and all the stalls, all the bustle, all the everything was gone.. like gonegone. when the week before, it was crowded like crazy.. so re nao and everything. okay, not that i go chinatown every week.. i happen to pass that area once a week heh.. but anyways. it was quite a disappointment, really. and yes, the touristy feeling was stronger than ever. there are all these shops catering to tourists, and yes, the people walking there are all tourists. i mean, who goes there to buy what they need, really? i mean like, clothes you can get in more convenient places, large ornamental fans, other supposedly cultural thingoes, not really. okay lah, there were these 3 for $10 hair kiapkiaps (haha hair clips sound too small) that i suppose people would buy.. oh andand? did you know that singapore has a night market? well i never! i would have taken pictures like a tourist to complete the whole atmosphere if were one of those bring-camera-everywhere people.. its like, omg, we went all the way to taiwan, ogled at the night market there when we have one right here? but i think maybe we didnt go to the right place or go on the right day or something, cos it wasnt all that wow-ing. which i think its supposed to be right :/ and anyways, passed by this temple place and this sinseh place that i went to last time and thought, by golly! isnt this sago lane? the one where we learnt in one of those NE excursions that it used to be associated with death or sth?! and there! isnt that the mosque/islamic school thingo where... okay cant remember the random bit of info associated with that one.. remember we had to write the date of sth from there on the worksheet though.. oh goodness. those NE teachers/planners, really got to hand it to them though.. some of these things really do stick in your head, no matter how seemingly useless they may be.. like when we went to little india and ended up buying little vials of perfume for $1 each.
9:47 pm
Thursday, February 14, 2008
i kinda hate to admit this, but when my mum and get along, we have an uproarously insane time. which is not too often. alright, rare. so rare, you can see the blood oozing out. usually we like, cant even carry out a proper conversation.. so we were like sitting in front of the tv watching american idol (omg, it makes you feel even better than feel-good shows/movies somehow) and then dunno how, we started talking about that jue/aware thingo that we caught. yesh. me. catcha dance thingo, a chinese dance thingo, with her. and about mother-daughter relationships or summat. omg, yes i still couldnt believe it while the tickets were being torn. it was a bit too modern, crikey couldnt understand some stuff, like the mother flapping-hands and running around in circles thingo etc. but wells, interesting i guess. although the daughter was like hogging the limelight, getting all the choicey stuff, maybe cos she coreographed it heh.. but anyways, yar. we had an insane one minute.. two? three? laughing about slapping the shoe on the body, body convulsions and stuff. by golly. we laugh at the strangest stuff. speaking of laughing.
what do you call a dear with no eyes? no idea
11:34 pm
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
today's moon: last quarter on its way to waning crescent.
isnt it awesome. getting off the bus today and looking at the moon, i felt this urge to name what moon/shape it was.. which is like, so utterly pointless? but oh well. part of p5 science. hurgh. not that theyre ever gonna use it again. like, 0.001 chance? and besides, in the wonderful psle itself its like worth dunno how many measley marks, if any. hurmph hurmph hurmph. yeshyesh but *reminds self* the whole is somehow more than the sum of its parts..
oh wells, finally learning the lesson that you are what you eat, or sth like that.. and outside food is like, gross and super not-worth-it-ish. that being said, i did try out some new burger thingy from moss burger and it was okay, so-so. the veggies were dry from being pre-cut but oh well what to expect, fast food right, buns cannot beat mcdonalds in terms of softness, there could have been a little more sauce, but oh well. O-KAY larh, shee i am getting used to not-so-nice food already. rawrs.
10:38 pm
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
been irked by commuter woes lately? maybe heres part of the reason why.. some guy, very used to reading lots of small words, actually went to pick something out of the annual report of SMRT.. quoting zhiming,
from the annual report, passenger trips have increased 11% from 2002 - 389.7m to 434.9m. However, car kilometres operated dropped from 81.4m to 77.1m. SMRTC has been aggressively cutting costs by cramming as much as people into each train and reducing frequencies since 2004, to maximise shareholder value. Thus, what is observed is simply increasing ridership, yet the supply of trains remained the same, and even dropped.
hmm. not that im really disgruntled with our public transport system or anything.. i dont commute at the times where people normally do heh, so well, yeah.. dont really face all those crowded buses and cannot-be-boarded trains very often.. but i heard stuff like, omg cant get on the train and, omg it takes like more than one hour to get to work for some people.. i really am glad i dont have to face that every day. for me, the thing about not affecting me so not really caring kinda takes precedence here.. ya, i know like that not very good but oh well.. i get used to the bus arrival timings and travelling times, they get me there on time, yayness. of course, its a plus if a get my favourite seat:) *gringrin*
11:44 pm
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
last moments of peace before, well, everything.. havent really packed.. well, kinda.. at the stage where you think you have stuff but actually not really cos you havent really thought properly.. but last minute is good.. oh wells. no assertions of authority from the parents, no words or actions from the little sis that scream out: do something, you lame excuse of a sister! here is a child clamouring for attention, only pride doesnt allow her to say it right out.. and we, we just sweep on by, full of our own busy lives.. my mother would think im rubbishing. but oh wells. i used to think that it would be pretty cool/interesting to do something psychology/counselling-ish. you get to learn how to pry apart and analyse the way people do things. and why. kinda look into their minds, so to speak. but i remember the way A. R. used to make me feel.. somewhat like a fly flying towards a fly-trap maybe? she, in all her matching colour-coded clothes (she always always wore matching stuff. shoes, earrings, whatever. yes, thats its things like that that distract you from the matter at hand and stops you from snivelling), makes you feel a morbid sense of fascination that slowly piece by piece unravelling who you are and judging you based on the pieces you let out. and she bases whatever opinion of you and your moral fibre on what you say.. or do not say. i always wondered.. why so much emphasis on the moral fibre part, though.. maybe if we had been in a different school? but anyways. you want to tell this woman things. you know she is forming (not-so-favourable) opinions about you, writing about you, confidential or not, putting you into this or that category of people.. and when you go do some reading up, you find that damn, she was right. again. and the scarey thing is, you look forward to seeing her each week. it was madness. hahaha. oh yes. i remember now. and she had this habit of offering you a hug at the end of each time you went to see her. as if that helped anything. hahahaha. and oh yes she used to do assembly once in a long while.. i used to roll my eyes and smirk somewhat.. if not because i didnt quite believe it could be the same person talking up there and doing all that assessing/evaluating when she thought i wasnt quite listening/talking/paying attention, then because i didnt want it to be known that, by golly! i was looking forward to these things.
anyways. why this. oh yeah anyways i did try this whole mumbojumbo thingo on one person.. after a while it gets a little habit-ish to do a little to everyone, but i really triedtried on one person? like i actually tried talking circles around that persons head.. and it wasnt really nice. you have to kinda like assume that your way of thinking is somewhat more sophisticated than the person youre trying to understand right, to make sense of why they do what they do? and that reeks of hauteur. i couldnt do that for a living, really. it may be interesting, but seriously? i dont know how shrinks manage to do it somehow.. they really must believe they are helping people. some of them at least. i guess in a way they are.. ho hum. we do what we can i guess..
anyways, so rather que sara sara-ish at the moment.. i think ive explored most if not all of the possible thingos and i figured that one way was pretty much the same as another. rumour has it that the results are out on the fifteenth. doesnt seem too far off. i think ill start really feeling scared on the 14th. although i have i feeling of roughly how id do but oh wells. as they say, the wheel weaves as the wheel wills. ho hum. i need nos 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12 to complete my pathetic collection. not much of a collection, huh? robert jordan has such an awesome imagination that jk rowling simply pales in comparison.. so many people running off to the different ends of the world, doing different rather crucial-to-the-storyline-ish stuff, but somehow theyll all fall into place for better for worse, at tarmon gai' don in book 12. the only other person whom i can think of that can come close is tolkien and i havent read LOTR yet heh. only watched the movies.. they are so thick that i think id get bored or fall asleep halfway through the first book.
anyways. off to the packing. happy cny.
2:35 am
Monday, February 04, 2008
ho hum. 1+ days more and all be making my way to the friendly neighbours up north.. imagine all the wonderful faces ill be getting to see.. oh hurray. *grumbles half-heartedly* but still i go. haiyar. so nuah, can.. twice a year, this 3+h journey, seeing relatives i only see that often, half the time thinking "omgomg, what do i say to these people? omgomg, when on earth is this gonna end? omgomg, etc." but, somehow itll be gotten through, like it has been far the past dunno how many years.. all the err, hello happy new year, uhh, auntie, uhh sui sim or dua pek or whoever.. all the sitting round those dinner tables cos we're too big for one or even two tables, eating at a not very slow pace thinking "what did we talk about in those years gone by, really?" and feeling all the time that the dinners were really all in all a formality.. those same dishes every year, those familiar plates, and of course, the same people.. though are we the same, really? we see each other twice a year, we're too different now, really. or maybe its just me, hmm? i dont laugh at lame jokes and mild ribbing about newater and across-the-straits relations.. we have nothing in common.. i dont try half as hard as them, i am not half family-ish as any of them, i dont believe half as much as them, im not half as true as any of them.. im just, not. i wont laugh or be amused by the fact that nobody really comes to visit anymore on the first three days of the new year because there are simply too many grandchildren to hand out angpows to.. i wont pretend to be interested that so-and-so did how well in what-and-what exams.. and especially not if the reason for the wonderful grades was the so-and-so's mother praying during the hour of the exams and etc. and so, im looking for big fat books that i can lose myself in, or at least, pretend to lose myself in.. so that if any awkward silences kinda threaten, at least theres a reason for the silence. im reading. *gringrin* im too nuah now, too comfortable to risk a rift as big as that if i simply flat-out refuse to go.. i mean, wth, its just three days. i can handle three days.. besides, even if they do think me cold, or boring, or weird, then i guess thank goodness i only see them twice a year..
anyways. with this family thing. one of my students was telling me that family stands for father and mother i love you. ive never heard of any such thing and i super didnt know whether to laugh or to smile.. something in between i guess. anyways. the other day. my mother was making these almond cookie thingos, which the recipe said cream, not mash together, the butter and sugar but she didnt listen to me, but oh well.. and then i smartly went to help her a little and she started saying like how my cousin used to make cny cookies with her mother before she passed away, and i nearly died. like, wth? are you trying to start some tradition thingy with me? now? sigh, oh wells. but that being said.. the other other other day she started talking to me about me moving out and all even though id already decided to just stay put, although i didnt think she knew it then, but anyways. theyre like, i dunno, suddenly
lets talk this over, its not like we're dead..
but im like, uhh, what do i say to you now? light, we barely know each other.
oh wells, but the wheel weaves as the wheel wills, does it not?
10:58 pm
Friday, February 01, 2008
omg, tgif, TGIF, TGIF!
the weekend has never seemed so welcome.. and the ultimate day of this week, sunday. oh yay. Sleepin Sunday, Siesta Sunday, whatever. many yayness. *pops the champagne* first day with absolutely nothingness (not counting cancelled stuff heh, thereve been a few of those i know) lalala. get out of my head, avril lavigne, you dont belong here.. not now, at least.. especially not after what i heard of that heyheyyouyou song.. anyways. back to earth.
you know what hit me recently? this did http://youtube.com/watch?v=zH46SmVv8SU it popped into my head the other day.. had to search for this version for a while, didnt know the guys name heh. the other other day, i popped into the house for dinner and then my sister was all excited like.. and she didnt say anything though, not immediately at least.. i guess shes learnt that much in the this house, dont ask anybody for anything when theyve just gottern back. then after a while she asked me if i knew the song land of joy *hint hint* when it seemed like i was in a okay i dont mind trying stuff today kinda mood she took out her choir scores which were already at the piano and we went through it.. it was like, so happy and so urr, unrealistic and all. but well. thats the sort of things younglings should be singing and listening to, right? *eyebrow raising ensues* but anyway. altogether too optimistic for me.. and i was like, omgg this is so/too happy! and when she asked when we could practice it again the first thing i said was, you tell me when then i see whether i free or not.. then a somewhat useless how about sunday, quite quite belatedly. obviously, not very happy with my replies. it was only later at night when i took away her file that i saw sth like "master with gail playing and me singing :) !! :) !! :) !!" oh god i nearly died k, when i saw the smiley faces and the exclamation marks.. shucks. sometimes i see her acquiring our mannerisms, our closedness in our own busy lives, and im like. shucks man, dont learn from us. dont. god dont turn out like us. and sure as hell dont learn from me. its like, so weird, sometimes.. there are four of us so-called "older people" in the house, and she, she wants to be like all of us at times.. and we, we are so different. no, dont learn from us. we're the worst you could learn from. okay, maybe thats taking it too far. but still. dont. and then now that im in and out of the house just about the time she gets back from school we pass each other on the way in and out and shes like all eagerness and im like thinking, omg no, dont form an attachment to me, i am aloof, remember? i will make you scream and laugh and tell you lame jokes, but maybe not today. and most certainly not every day. so dont. stop smiling so much when we see each other. because one day when i feel like it ill leave, or one day... whatever. i see her growing up and im like err.. not too bad but still, err.. i mean, shes not like, my child, so who cares right? afterall, my mother has already told me as much on more than one occasion.. but shes also more than some other kid who i drop in on every once or twice a week.. but oh well. you know what my mother was saying the other day.. i dunno what we were actually talking about, but then she went something like, you should teach other things besides the subjects youre teaching right.. meaning like values and stuff. and i was like ohohoho. now that sure is a fine thing to say, coming from you.. (btw, recently i nearly dieded when two people replied me fine when i asked hows school.. does anybody still say fine, thank you today when asked howre you?) anyways. i mean like, you look at me, and i think i can impart values to others? especially ones that you and other parents would approved of? i could have laughed. i settled for some serious eyeball rolling and some retort or other instead.. so i say, dont learn from us, if you can.. we are the ones who get it all wrong most of the time.. but turn out alright okay? just dont become like me.
if i had a choice i would never become a mother. nonono.. eekkk. being on call 24/7? omg no that is crazy. i cant even be a tuition coordinator. incessant random ringing, no peace, butter up your voice please.. at least being an agent, you can just let them call back again if they really wanna look for you.. worst comes to worst, you dont get to close a deal.. a child? no.. i would not like to be the one responsible for how another human being turns out. besides, i already know how it will turn out.. it will probably go something like an early period of super niehnieh parenting where everything must be done just so, then after that absolute freedom to run amok because the niehniehness cannot be sustained.. or because it wasnt perfect, i dunno. but yeah.. no good no good. i super peifu parents can.. anyways. im not ruling out child birth, though.. it is said its a one-of-a-kind experience, if a painful one.. surrogate motherhood?
hohoho huayi is drawing round again.. *gets excited* can you believe it?
11:29 pm
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.