Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous êtes venu au faux endroit.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
okay, this is such a bad idea. so bad, i dont even know what to make of it. but i guess it seems like my childhood dreams just might be coming true after all. right now im waiting for the washing machine and the dryer, which would give me a coupla hours. and then after that.. im gone. i dunno, i didnt expect it to be so anti-climatic, really. this morning she was pissed. like from the moment i woke. not even the little one was spared. not that it would have made much of a difference. but oh well, whats new. but there was this period before i left the house where were actually had a civil conversation. for all of fifteen seconds. or thirty. felt like forever. in a nice way, i guess. but anyways. so i dunno what happened, then there i was being stubborn.. going for 12 hours incident-free and sorta being nice, even. that doesnt solve anything, you know that right.. yes i know its my fault, okay.. but every time i present you my case, you bulldoze right over it. using the best argument ever, after everything else fails. because i am THE MOTHER. i have the right to do as i see best for you and that is just how i make out that best to be. wow. awesome. thanks for being ever so receptive to feedback. and that is just so... i dunno. christian. because he is god. and thus follows varying attributes and sides of god, depending on the thing at hand. yay, hurray. *jumps for joy*
yeah so. haha. i guess between my sister and i, we displayed classic passive agressive behaviour. all teens do it, apparently. she was on the computer doing some apparently very important stuff that couldnt wait and would do the rice thing later. and uh, i was pretending to be very very interested in eating biscuits. so yeah well. it must be pretty hard to continue ranting when your most engaged audience is the table or the chair. or the wall, even. so well, she threw rachels pencil box at her head. it must really have hurt. her pencil box is metal, mind you. so well, had to be fair, right. she started trying to throw stuff in my direction too but i kinda was too far away for any direct hits. it biscuits i was holding got crushed though. i bet the sofas full of crumbs now. oh well. she hasnt used any violence for a very, very long time. a bit hard to do that, not when those in question are stronger (rachel) or bigger (me) than you are. i remember the very first time i hit back. words are more her weapons of choice, really. so i guess she must have been really mad. cant quite remember about what though. she was using one of those lousy hangers (maybe cos she was hanging clothes?) and it had started to unravel into this long wire and you know the physics thingy. force = distance x mass (???) so it got more painful and i kinda like hit her arm or something. i was surprised myself. she was too. we kinda stared at each other and.. it ended badly, i guess.
anyways. so i got up and wanted to go to my room. like, out of sight out of mind, not that it would really have worked. but then as i passed her i said "you think youre the only one who can throw things?" not a very smart thing to say heh. then she said "if you dont _____________(cant remember what goes in there) then you can leave the house now." or something to that effect. we kinda stared at each other awhile then.. i went to start packing. its super anti-climax, really. i suppose this things been dragging out for way too long. i knew i was gonna go, sooner or later. but not this soon, i guess. and not this sudden. it was stupid, really. to get lulled into a false sense of security. and the timings perfect too. i am so broke. i spent the last dollars on *drumroll* tomatoes. cos of that tomato sauce thing. oh well. money... can be earned. tonight its the hard floor for me. and the empty ceiling for company. the one time i walked out, i came back the next day. right. we all pretended nothing happened after that. must not happen again. we know whats gonna happen, right. not today, tomorrow. not tomorrow, next week. or next month. or year. bound to happen. reminds me of that simple plan song.
i dont wanna hurt you, you dont wanna hurt me we cant rearrange you can never change me so say goodbye, nothing i say could change your mind because i cant stay, tomorrow ill be on my way so dont expect to see me in my bed.... cos when you wake up, i wont be there.
can you imagine, after all these years. ha. feels like aeons ago, listening to this teenager stuff. and yet in some ways, like yesterday. come on world inferno friendship society. make me happy again. or dresden dolls. anybody.
anyways. theres just one thing i dunno what to do about. baths and piano and other creature comforts i can sneak back every day before isabelle gets back. but what about the uni thing. i tried calculating. with living expenses and all, it looks highly dubious that something will work out. not when im nearly literally penniless. a few months ago, yeah maybe. now, nuh uh. shucks. i dont wanna wait another yearrrrrrrrrr. :( how now, brown cow.
10:09 pm
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.
