Tuesday, September 02, 2008

and so it has come to be that i, the disbeliever of the psuedo-inspirational, have borrowed a self-help book from the library. that is... or rather, would have been, such a violation of my uhh, what-to-call-it, ideals/principals? i mean, come on! self-help books are reserved only for those with the strength of mind to fool themselves into believing what these people say. after all, they only work if you believe in them. and why wouldnt you, its written to make you fall for it, hook line and sinker (really didnt mean to be cliche but oh wells) and yes, they fall squarely into the category of pseudo-inspirational. now come to think of it, i havent quite used that term in a really looong time. thats bad, isnt it.. it means im... mellowing? i dunno. doesnt quite sound like a good thing, does it. anyhoo. what is pseudo-inspirational anyways? pseudo-inspirational is mitch albom, the alchemist (i totally didnt get the story btw), friends are friends forever if the lords the lord of them, because you live, because of you i never stray too far from the sidewalks, the bible (depends on which part youre reading i guess), chicken soup (any and all versions), somewhere over the rainbow, i believe i can fly, any dream will do, little women, feel-good movies and their soundtracks, clair de lune, etc.

so yeah. by definition i dont read, watch, listen to any of the above except under unusual circumstances, and self-help books are for well.. other people? so what am i doing exceeding my loan quota for a book which reads "how to talk to anyone: 92 little tricks for big successes in relationships" ?! like, what on earth, right? (btw even though the loan limit for books is actually ten, they do let you take out more. the librarian let me borrow twelve haha! even though i dunno how im gonna finish all of them lah) yeah so anyways, why? i think maybe studying about the world we live in can either result in profound optimism because of the various mechanisms already in place for looking after things in general, or something rather the opposite. i mean yeah its cool and fun and all but, the world sure has a hell lot of problems. hte library's really cool. im like the library's new biggest fan. quiet quite, nobody that i know, everybody minding their own business, etc. anyways, yesterday i came across this whole section on suicide and i had to pick out the one that said something like moral justifications for suicide.. it was enlightening but, i dunno, depressing? (yes i still do hate that word) i mean, wow! i cant even be a proper statistic, hahaha. majority come from broken homes, a large number drop out of school though not for academic reasons, 40+% have parents who've attempted or succeeded before, and yeah well the list goes on. it was just.. depressing. and then theres the whole mcdonaldization book ive been reading. i was thinking. gee, this family of ours, it really is rationalized, huh. what with my dad and efficiency and his premium of not wasting time (as you can see im not a very big fan of it) and the whole doing things for a reason. i mean like the other day rachel was like asking me, why are you learning this, why are you doing that, what are you gonna do with it, hows it gonna help you? i was like, wth? i cant i learn something just because its nice? i think singapore is one big rationalized society, more so than the us even. and its kinda sad, maybe? i dunno. i never lived a kampung life. if you threw me into a completely unrationalized place, id be i dunno, at a loss of how to survive.

anyways. so why self-help all of a sudden? it got me thinking, all this. how do i fit into society. wait a minute, fit into society? i dont even like people in the first place. i mean, not that i dont like people, but i really can do without some of the interactions that people find so important.. the other day my grandmother was being really concerned and kept on calling cos my parents were away, and she asked if i was ji mo and she didnt believe me when i said no. i mean come on, its not even at night. its the morning. i love my mornings like that. nearly all my mornings are like that. its arguably the best time of the day. waking up when everybodys just about gone, or maybe in time to exchange a few customary sentences or perhaps a few acidic comments thrown in.. (but not too acidic, mind. its just the start of the day. ph 5 or 6 maybe?) but of course, too little human interaction is bad as well? leads to stuff which leads to suicide and all.. so, not good. not that i dont like human interaction, really. so anyways. thats why im reading a self help book. i need to be more.. interactive. i found it so weird during soci tutorial the other day. we had to be in like groups of ten and had to discuss the stuff. i prefer it to be like, i dunno. a whole class discussion thingy? its this theory of shared responsibility or something like that i think. oh wells whatever. it didnt help that it was so boring. i mean, seriously, go read the text. go pay attention during lecture, stop your socializing or sleeping. go try attempting your tutorial questions. i was really surprised that even those who did the tutorial questions (most people?) just went through it as though it was a fresh question. yeah. wells. its quite funny, really, the book. but helpful i guess. im really gonna practice the stuff so beware of the sticky eyes and the flooding smile hahaha..

dvorak, get outta my head. its not funny after awhile.

Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous êtes venu au faux endroit.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

11:19 pm

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