Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous ĂȘtes venu au faux endroit.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
haha. omg. overheard the girl next to me telling her friend that her dad was pissed and he said something like if youre going to school im not going to work.
omg. reading stuff for that soci thing is getting really, really funny. check out the stuff below. enjoy!
Let's face it: Culture is in a particularly porny period.
so much for productivity. brain juices are so not flowing. hennyways. what i love about this layout is that it makes me wanna bold some stuff and make other stuff big. mainly cos i think itll look nice with the design lah. but oh well. yes its the 30th today. how time flies. one year ago i was dying from As. we all were.
anyways. cant believe it either, but im actually missing auntie lay. whos auntie lay? shes this musician/composer person who's in singapore to work and gain a living, i guess. she comes and helps clean, cook, look after isabelle on a daily basis. and no, im not missing her just because shes the one who keeps the place clean and makes sure that the stuff that my mum plans actually gets cooked. she's currently back in myanmar to attend her daughter's wedding. you'd think that the people in myanmar would be really affected by you know, all the stuff that's been going on recently.. but no. when i did ask her, she was like.. you know, we just try to keep outta their way, life pretty much goes on as per normal. yeah well. actually i was thinking. damn. that is way cool. i get to see firsthand the happenings of history, you know. like the migration of musicians and stuff out of the oppressive place and stuff? but no. she seems quite contented and happy the way things are. or maybe she isnt talking about all that stuff. she just wants to set up some kinda music business here and all, cos of the considerable population of myanmar people here. not because she finds that having to submit compositions to some board very restrictive. i dunno. i would. find it restrictive, that is.
you know. i always wonder when i hear/see people say music is my life. or variations along that line. i remember one post where i was saying something about music is life, chemistry is life, or something like that..? but to say that music is your life. youre willing to give up everything for it? something like that? auntie lay is like the person (that ive met) who comes the closest to actually living this out. i mean like, she has a job. she could be just like sitting in her village composing or doing whatever it is that she used to do. what is she doing cleaning up my mess? i dunno. helping other music people get out of the country? set up her music business thingy? when she says something like, i dont mind not eating, not working, just to make/write music, i actually believe that when push comes to shove she might actually do it. you can imagine her doing it. theres this touch of truth/reality to it. does this even make sense?
oh god. this is bad. im making this sound like an eulogy for a person who'll only be gone for a week. yerah. i should really stop here. anyways. anybody who would like to collaborate with myanmar musicians and stuff, let me know yeah. theyll be welcoming of more people, im sure.
1:02 pm
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
okay. so now i am making yet another resolution. yesh. another resolution. now faced with the imminent destruction of my gpa i have decided that no, i shall be good and refrain from clubbing until exams are over. heavy clubbing. nono, no clubbing, period. okay. i can so do this. its not like ill failfail.. i think..? but its gonna be so bad its almost as good as a fail cos thanks to french its gonna be pulled down by like, so much. butt.. thank goodness the finals have a bit more weightage. enough to perhaps pull it up to a mediocre standard? ksh, this is gonna take alot of work. *convince self* i am going to pretend that im having the As in a months time. or the Os. whichever. yes, doublethink does work sometime. okay. thats number one. number two, no more ponning. completely. okay. not that theres not much time left for ponning though. but anyways. yes. one more month. number three. get a laptop and plonk myself in the library like, 24/7. library here i come. 28th november is the day i am free. haha yes. ask me out then. till then, ill be convincing myself theres this super important thingy coming up at the end of the month.
and thanks qi for saying a simple sentence that got me thinking =)
2:52 pm
Thursday, October 23, 2008
omg. i cant believe i lost my phone just like that. again. smarrt.
haha guess what. i got into the second qualifying round of the subaru impreza challenge thingy last night. it was so funny. i was tuning in to 987 (wait a minute, who listens to that anyways? but never mind) and then the queue to call was there and so.. i called. and called. and dialleddddd. and then i got through. hahaha my sister didnt think i would lah.. it was so funny, we were rolling around laughing. she asked me if i thought id actually win. i said i didnt think so.. then what happened to the all or nothing thingy? died. recycled. i realised that i kept on swinging between all, and nothing. which gave me: mediocre. might as well cut the chase and just be .. mediocre? i know it sounds pathetic. but oh well. i nice spin would be realistic? im already starting to entertain the idea that i might not even get a job when i graduate. my dad says arts people get sacked first. oh right right. should have studied harder *nods head* and all the unspoken words that come with it. like. business has better prospects / is more practical (well duh, you are a business man) why arent you doing psych? (precisely because you think that its the most marketable major in fass thats why im not doing it. there are other stuff which are equally if not more interesting/challenging/rewarding anyways) why are you wasting away your uni time? (one of the coolest times i had in school and youre asking me why im wasting it away?) i love that you dont know anybody in school (well not literally). i love that nobody has the same timetable as anyone else (except i guess for people with nothing better to do but to plan their timetable with other people) i love that the stuff that you have to hand in for assignments and stuff can.. maybe. exact chage? if used in the right way? i dunno. i just know that all the fun has to end sometime though. oh wells.
9:51 am
Sunday, October 19, 2008
oh yes. sdp pays even more. *shakes head* now, really. no comment.
9:36 am
nope. even after a few hours of being awake, i dont.. dunno. feel used/violated? oh my shit. should i feel scared that im not scared? no worries. technically it was just.. foreplay. they wanted to, i didnt stop them. they got more drinks i could have stopped drinking, but i wanted to. why do we have to be socialized this way. stereotypes, the whole gender/sex thing, objectification etc. hmmhmm. just another exchange. i have something you want and you have something i want. hm. wanted to use the word transaction but it sounds too.. detached and exploitative, even. omt, what is happening. i should just read my philo essay. if a younger me were to read it, or to know who i am now, i think she would be sorely disappointed.. pissed off, even. you know, maybe in a self-righteous way of some sort. but grow up girl. few things are altruistic and guided by principles. even if there were value-guided ways of navigating life, would you stick to it or would you be contrained knowing whats on the other side?
9:20 am
omg. was it really that bad? im writing this in the hope that when im sober i can i dunno. reflect upon whatever. or am i drunk even? god, this is hilarious. actually no this is not. the decent guys were laughing. or at least the decent one was. if the decent one was laughing, then what were the non-decent ones thinking. oh god. was it really that bad. im not gonna say that it wasnt.. earlier i told them that it was funny. but actually im gonna say that it was actually.. fun. exciting. enjoyable, even. the decent guys said that they tried to do something but couldnt? (haha actually im typing with errors but im going back to redo them) i can sense their mockery, really. but im not gonna say that i regret it? maybe tomorrow when everythings more.. in their right places? ha. one of them even said that his dog does back flips. whatever. im never gonna see them again. okay, maybe that philosophy that ive been going by isnt so good after all. im never gonna see them again anyways. yeah. quoting from white oleander again, yes im laying down for the father.. again.. or maybe not the father afterall. one of them was like bloody younger than me lah.. wth. but i suppose.. more experienced? they thought that it was that one who was like i dunno, doing all the stuff. haha but it was that naughty naughty guy with short hair. i am not gonna say that i didnt enjoy it. shit. i dunno how to admit to them that it didnt mean anything to me and probably wont tomorrow morning. them being wh and the decent guys i guess. and perhaps myself? my morals are shit nowadays. what are morals anyways. morals are.. either man-made or god-given i guess. if theyre man-made then theyre what you and society made of them.. if theyre god-given then.. i guess im fighting a fighting a losing battle i guess. its down the slippery slope i go. maybe ill look back and shake my head a couple of years from now.. but for now its.. live and learn, i guess. back to work tomorrow. whatever time i wake up i guess? it was the stupid long island. they bought two rounds of it.. with one-for-one. god, gail. it was already quite late when they started buying the really potent drinks. huh. but its been a long time since ive drunk that, so well. been having tamer stuff i suppose. ah, the darn long island. anyways thanks wh, you did what you could. doubt you read this though. oh wells. sorry your designer clothes are like, that much further away. orchestra practice tomorrow. darn. my fingers feel like goo. oh yes. and more piano.
5:00 am
Friday, October 17, 2008
TGIF. anyways, thanks merilyn for somehow reminding me that heartwarming moments need not come in the form of carefully crafted indie movie moments, which are actually not that indie afterall when theyre foreign films that have managed to travel all the way here, or in the epic. oh yes, and thanks for reminding me of what it used to be like being in secondary school. the plans, the craziness, etc. i used to be amazed that we actually have so many things in common given all our differences. i still am =)
omgg, i wanna buy stocks now but i am not working! warren beffet: take risks when everyone else is fearful. =( forex? =/
10:49 pm
Monday, October 13, 2008
i guess you could say im making a mountain out of a molehill. but its hard not to feel like everything they say is a personal attack of some sort. over the years i have tried cold wars and.. somewhat lukewarm wars. silence, glaring daggers, just walking away, hiding in the room until they leave, pretending they didnt exist, pretending i didnt exist, retorting back, shouting back, saying what i think in a calm explanatory manner, turning everything they say good or bad into a joke, etc. not to mention trying so hard to be mummy/daddys girl when i was way younger. but its so darn unmotivating when all you hear each day are the same unsatisfactory things you do/are. there seems no point. can you really not find anything good or nice to say? sure i have many flaws. but the last time i checked you werent exactly flawless as well. i try to stay out of your way, dont come back so early, wash my own clothes so we dont even have to touch each others stuff, but you force yourself upon my things. yeah well its a nice gesture and all, but dont bloody complain about it if you wanna do it. theres a reason why i do things myself. okay so then i tried being nice. didnt say anything about you meddling.. took lifts from you in the hope of maybe some in-car bonding since we wouldnt be forced to talk to each other otherwise. tried small talk out of the car even. and yet you have nothing positive to say? okay maybe i did dash your hopes of raising a family thats well, closer to perfect. maybe im subverting all your qi wang by being such a non/under-achiever. look im sorry, okay? you have isabelle. and you have rachel. just.. stop comparing me to them. god. this is so pathetic. why do i even care. so much for apathy, huh.
12:26 am
Sunday, October 12, 2008
haha omgz, after reading more on the internet i see how it really may be considered a cult. omg this is getting really interesting. im urhm, in a cult? especially one that has a prophecy set for 2012. thats as soon as it can get, right? *rubs hands in glee* cant wait till saturday =)
2:11 am
omg guess what. i have officially become a member of at best, some sort of runaway christian sect and at worst, some sort of cult. haha yesh. got baptised in the world mission society church of god today, no less. no worries though, im pretty sure its harmless.. not one of those leading up to mass suicide or anything. i wanted to get to know some mormons and i got into this perfectly by chance, how cool is that. for any christian friends out there reading this, i guess you might be a little worried for my soul? like joining something so unorthodox and all? but i guess there are a couple of scenarios.. 1) suppose this is all by some chance true, then well, all well and good. 2) if it were not true and your god were the true one, then i guess i would still be in kinda in the same position soul-wise as i was before today started.. 3) suppose neither their god nor yours were ture then.. now that would be a whole lot of fun, wouldnt it?
it all started when i was rushing off somewhere and i saw this guy standing at the road near the central forum there, with a survey clipboard in hand.. normally id like make a major detour right but i was in a good mood so wells.. haha okay truth is, he kinda reminded me of pictures ive seen of chee soon juan and ive been wanting to meet him in person for a while so, why not? you know, neat well-dressed but not expensively, rational-looking.. haha, if people could be said to be rational-looking. so there was this questionnaire, etc.. so it ended off with him inviting me off to his church today, which of course happened..
it was a blast like, totally. you know how they say mormons are really friendly and all? yeah i can kinda imagine what it would be like stepping into a church of the latter day saints.. cos it comes from korea, theyre quite korean influenced. you know, like how they do this bowing thing.. and they have this habit thats really hard to get used to.. besides calling everybody brother and sister, they go like, god bless you to everything.. like thank you welcome are replaced by it.. and sometimes hello even.. and the people are really friendly in a dunno, nice sorta way? it was the most at home ive ever felt with such a huge bunch of strangers.
haha cla, i remember how you were once telling me that christianity in general is a lot more believable than religions like buddhism or taoism because its based on a set text rather than hand-me-down stories of rather dubious origin. you should really check this out man.. if you wanna literally read the bible, this is like totally one of the places to look out for.. although their interpretations might be somewhat against conventional christian thought i guess. the females must wear veils.. somewhat dated lah, but not unheard of i guess.. ive only seen veils in church like, less than the number of fingers on one hand.. not that ive been much of a church goer also haha. they take the sabbath to be on saturday, which is like, also not unheard of.. okay so the plot thickens. they dont believe in crosses or pictures of jesus because its considered idolatory. oh and you get baptised before you begin real bible study. (hence mine today)
it was quite an experience, actually. rather humbling even.. you get this set of pyjama-robe clothes so your own dont get wet, complete with undies even. then you go kneel on this mat and water is poured on your head while they pray and intone in korean and sing a short song and... youre done! yeah, then you eat a little rice cake thingy and some sweet drink (bread and blood) as some sort of insurance policy against death.. like cos youre suppose to observe the passover once a year to be saved but if you havent then you die then erhh, too bad? so that thing is the insurance policy.. cant really remember how it works exactly though..
so from whatever i remember from what i squashed into my head for the recent soci test, this religion can be considered to be world-rejecting.. not a denomination, probably a sect but some might consider it to be a cult? yups. but i figure im going back next week.. its quite interesting, really. not to mention therapeutic.. haha yes, therapeutic.. it reminded me of you know that self-help book i was reading? they had this technique where you treat people you meet as it theyre your old friend whom you havent seen in ages.. and it really helps break the ice.. try it! it does work.. (haha yes, i know, rolls eyes, self-help books are for those who believe in them) yeah, they really reminded me of that technique.
oh and i caught dangerous obsessions =) it was a blast. didnt think it would be so funny.
12:50 am
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
it isnt until youve tried teaching somebody to score in the singapore system that you realise that taking exams isnt exactly very easy afterall. no longer is going to exams about reading roughly what the topics are about and then going there and crap. afterall, it was primary school science, right? with some imagination its pretty scorable right? but no... you realise that there are certain pieces of information that are always tested in certain ways (especially only at P3 level) and that there are just some things you just have to know. and that there are many omg what if the 1% chance of this coming out comes true i just so have to tell you this kinds of questions. and yet, the mother does what she does best. when i dont teach, she complains that i dont teach. when i do, she says its past her bedtime. cant i just have one hour? she hardly started taking out her books till half an hour before.. i mean, i cant just say something like "look. there are people out there who are not as smart as you, who cant grasp things as quickly as you, but theyre gonna do better than you. why? because even though they dont learn as fast, the thing they did learn was to read the question carefully. because they memorised the set of information which will give them 70% of the marks. nearly an A. and you? god. you want to sleep."
from the play we're doing right now, doesnt the irony just bite you?
this not good, that also not good. how now brown cowZ =/
10:39 pm
i remember once reading this thing that went something like. (yes, warning for pseudo-inspirational content ahead) you know how toddlers, when theyre learning how to walk, of babies when theyre learning to sit up or roll over.. when you look at them trying, it doesnt exactly seem like a hell lot of effort does it, the trying. at least not to us anyways. where did all that effort, all that raring-to-go-ness, all that try and try again go? umm, yeah. just something like that. just thought of it.
omg i really am typing rubbish, am i. i should just.. dunno. drown myself in french or something.
9:07 pm
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.