Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous êtes venu au faux endroit.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
eating is like, a chore. ive never felt that way before. even when i had braces on. then again, that was so long ago i probably cant remember anyways. they say that you shouldnt do a tongue piercing if you had braces on before cos itll slowly knock your teeth out of shape. hope that doesnt happen though. so far ive tried sushi, yoghurt, pasta, spaghetti, ice cream, rice, a weird salad, chowder (another of my mothers experiments), bread, sweets, and yeah. lots of ice? tried sushi the night i got it done and it totally sucked. it was like you those small little ones? the ones you can like stuff into your mouth whole? i took a bite and couldnt chew/bite the thingo into smaller bits. yeah. threw the thingo away. so far everythings pretty much okay. the worst things to eat are like noodles and sweets. the noodles like get twirled around the stud which is like omgz. and sweets! yikes the chewey kind. oh yuckity yucks. anyone who wears braces should know what its like. and eating everything is like slooooow and exaggerated. and talking. i cant say s and t and th and all the other stuff that need your tongue to be stuck out. sound like im talking with a lisp. sharks. really need to practice. and i drooling has become a real problem cos swallowing is gotten in the way of by the metal thingo. so i cant talk for long periods without having to consciously swallow. as in like, with an unnatural pause in speech kinda thing? now in the light of all that, im still glad i got my tongue pierced. does that make sense or does that make sense?
ps. if you stare at your tongue long enough, does it start looking like an alien?
anyways. met this prc in hwa chong at the chuch-cult thing yesterday. had this awesome conversation about politics and culture and religion to everything in between.. it was the coolestconversation ive had in a long long time. it was so cool. i mean like from the perspective of someone whos actually there? apparently doctors in china dont make it rich? and all the stuff about the falungong, olympics, dalai lama, migration, citizenship, all sorts of stuff. pity she may not be going back there again. she seems to be looking for a real church. something she can really believe in. ah wells.
three days after exams. cant believe i havent touched remotely alcoholic. hahaha omgz. that is a good thing?
11:34 am
heyHEY. need to satisfy a sweet tooth craving? check this out. anything you need to every occassion =) of course, for those without a sweet tooth, im really sure there are unsweet stuff as well. but why on earth would anyone want unsweet stuff? i mean. unsweet cookies, muffins, and cakes? you gotta be kidding me!
8:59 am
Thursday, November 27, 2008
shit the idea of the piercing is too distracting/exciting. need to mug.
8:52 am
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
sheesh. really. power not equals to authority. if i didnt have a paper tomorrow or if id done some studying earlier id have like dunno, done something. dunno. shouted? added some voice? thrown something back at her because (the other) she would not do anything? rachel rachel.. she would never leave. even when taunted with "go. leave. get out of the house now." shit man. if i were her id just leave the house lorh. i think sometimes, she leaves us with little choice but to engage in passive-aggressive behaviour. im sorry. im not excusing the things i do. but really. i dont see how else rachel can make her what she thinks heard.
just.. listen to your own words, mother.
you never try to please me.
thats because you dont see it.
thats because you dont try hard enough.
really. you dont see it huh. i kinda get where youre coming from? but. youre making it very hard for me to be sympathetic because by nature im identifying with rachel's experiences. i dont mind listening to you every day. i dont mind where you can let your tongue hang loose a little so you can let off steam, i dont take it personally. i mean, yeah. everybody needs somewhere what. er bian fengness is something ive learnt to learn. but, really. why her. come on. cant you tell shes still trying? do you really want her to want to leave as well? omg i feel like taking any one of her points and rubbishing it away (which will most certainly lead to some kind of argument) but ive got ps tomorrow. =/ sorry cant help you rachel. although how much good id actually do is quite uncertain.
god i just hope she doesnt continue her monologue the whole night through a mere metre away from me while im trying to dump stuff into my head.
10:58 pm
the sprint starts now. sheet. this is the most important paper. and the most mug-needy.
10:39 pm
oh sheeet. half an hour to go. looking for the smoke machine again.
4:27 pm
omg i love exams. they really spur you to understand stuff.
oh wait. did i just say that? i love exams? *horrified*
9:32 am
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Green tea also seems to protect the liver from the damaging effects of toxic substances such as alcohol. source
haha green tea is now my favourite drink. not those sacharine-sweet pocca kinda of pseudo-tea you get from the supermarkets, but something you can brew yourself. right now its like my official stay-awake drink lah can. i dont care whether the above true or not, but im gonna pretend it is anyways. it will have some sort of good psychological effects which will trigger some reactions which will create some good chemical stuff thats well.. good i guess. i really dunno/cant remember what those are called and what their effects are. doublethink is really useful sometimes. or so i like to believe.
theatre studies was.. okay larhz. arghies. soci tomorrow. one down, two to go. i cant believe that so quickly ill be done with ts. correction, am done with ts. i dont wanna be done with it =( its one of the more time-consuming thingos (with the exception of french) but its also the most.. interactive. nieh. i suppose i could take another ts module next sem.. but what with this system here, ill take forever to do this thing called the BA/BSocSc (haha dunno if the second ones correct) if i do everything that sounds nice, and thats bad. i once gingerly broached the idea of a more than three year BA with the father and it wasnt exactly the most encouraging reaction that i got in return. i have learnt to be practical. protect your cap at all costs. who cares if the module isnt something you always wanted to know? does it fulfil one of your baskets of thingos you have to fulfil? do seniors/everybody else say that its easier to score in/take up less time? if so, wth. just take it. and that is why i think im not taking french next sem. =( even though yeah we can S/U it and i was like damn happy, i realised that i only have three S/Us and that sucks. im already using one for french this sem. (i just know itll be so bad that i have to do something drastic to rescucitate my poor potentially-stuck-in-ice cap) how am i gonna last forever with only two left? what if i wanna take stuff like einstein's quantum weirdness next sem? (superstring theory anyone?) =( =( =( that one sounds like sure need to S/U lorh. i threw away all my physics already.
anywaysies. module preference excercise coming up soon. damn, am i excited. hahaha. i think its really fun to pick out the modules youre gonna take. heeheehee. although i suppose i should be just as excited as doing the work itself?
OH YEARH. the coolest thingo happened today. you know some of my ts prac groupmates are in this church thingy which has like mug groups in like nus and ntu.. they just camp out in school, yes, some of them literally do camp out in school. theyre located in the engine block there. dunno how come they can just kope the tutorial rooms like that lah. i think they do it every sem. yeah anyways. its quite nice and familyish according to soci definitions i think. a very supportive mugging environment. made me think of kap, i must say. anyways. i saw them at pgp before the paper today and then they were like, oh would you like to join us in prayer or something like that. well yeah okay so i did. no biggie, right. they asked for prayer requests and one person led the praying thingo. then they all started talking in.. tongues? quietly lah, but.. "tongues" nevertheless. i just.. kept my eyes closed, clung on to my bag, tried not to smile and hoped that i looked deeply in prayer, or something of the sort. i mean, i dont know how to pretend to speak in tongues! or even what youre supposed to do when other people start speaking in tongues. but seriously. im serious about the trying not to smile part. because from where i was standing (part of a circle) it sounded like a kid trying to learn how to tongue while changing the shape of his/her mouth. one guy (the guy with the white specs that make him look alot more attractive than he actually is) even was like changing the pitch and stuff. so it sounded something like th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-thhaha yeah i know. like wth right. i have a paper tomorrow but i still have time to colour all those stuff? yarh. not that ive heard alot of people speaking in tongues lah.. maybe a few fingerfuls of times? at festival of praise and new crea? but this was definitely the most interesting tongues ive ever heard. haha so yeah. that was the coolest happening of the day.
yupsies. alrighties. back to tan ern ser and his webcast lecture for me.
8:24 pm
!!! !!! !!!
11:39 am
deaded.
9:51 am
Monday, November 24, 2008
the only reason why im forcing myself to stay awake even though things are going in so damn slowly is because i know that if i wake up "tomorrow" ill feel so shit like theres no time left for anything to go in that ill just not study anything. =(
10:55 pm
haha got the email saying that my philo paper will still be accepted for marking. hoohoo. be still, my dear cap, theres still hope. although, shucks. but theres really gonna be no time for writing it. arghies. currently treating the next three days like a mini-marathon. cannot stop if not later wont start again. yar. no matter how rubbishingly slow the going gets. because.. did i hear somebody say: MOS is reopening on thursday? haha okay. nownow. lets not get excited. nono. wrong. i should not get excited. theatre tomorrow. bring it on.
anyways. the so-called cult is starting to show some of their culty traits that online critics have talked about. they came to my house. again. haha but it was quite sweet lah.. i guess. =/ they left a all the best for the exams note and a bottle of ice lemon tea outside. well how would you know. i really do need tea to keep awake while mugging. anyways. i do hope theyll let me leave in peace if one day im no longer free on saturdays or i really cant be bothered to make my way down there any more.
then i see you standing there wanting more from me and all i can do is try. then i see you standing there im all ill ever be but all i can do is try..
i know st peter wont call my name.
haha omg. i just checked out the viva la vida lyrics and it actually goes i know st peter will call my name. omg. i totally misinterpreted the whole song? shucks. i guess goes to show whatever your brain wants to believe, it will create for itself. darn.
6:32 pm
omg whatever lah. dont shit me, yourself, and everybody can. nobody believes or actually thinks that youre actually drunk. or do you actually believe youre drunk/high? dont rubbish can. it doesnt help when you say that oh, im so drunk every single time you go drinking. puh-lease. *roll eyes* we all know that your limit is way higher. surely you know that too. its just.. damn pathetic can. do you want attention that badly? or do you really, as you say, believe that it somehow excuses indecency under the idea that you arent in full control of your senses? i mean. seriously. three cans. youve got to be joking. im not condoning too-forward behaviour, but coming from somebody who says "i wanna go clubbing so that i can grind a girl" and yet has never done so before.. the whole idea is just laughable can.
anyways. i have acquired a super appreciation for philo people and theatre practitioners, especially actors and directors can. you know how theres this perception that philosophers are like not in touch with reality, a lot of hot air about nothing very practical? well at least sometimes i do.. but shucks man. i get where youre coming from now. yeah after that mcq thingo. it is not vague, not mo hu at all. logic logic. impeccable logic. shit i can appreciate what theyre doing now, even if i dont necessarily understand what theyre saying. this rocks my socks. and actors, especially theatre actors, not screen actors, really. peifu.you dont know how emotionally demanding it is to perform the same play for however long its run it is. i mean, seriously. even for one run, i couldnt get the full emotions there. i was getting there in the mornign of our assessment, but then after we all got so caught up in the last minute preparations the whole emotional buildup was lost. for me at least. last week it was like such a frowny week, cos tieng-bin, hes so caught between his three wives, as well as his desire to be modern, etc. i mean, it was kinda awww, the ts practical component was finally ended. but in a way it was also like phew. i mean, you can finally let go of the emotional tension your body was to learn how to create when running those lines. the dinner scene caught-betweenness of the dinner scene, the tenderness and love of the bedroom scene, the loss/grief/pain/confusion of the confrontation scene. really. hats off to theatre actors. to store up the whole range of emotions in a whole play. to be psychologicaly rooted to your character (within realism). bretchian theatre would be even harder to achieve man. shucks. watching plays will never be the same again. and not to mention directors. i guess you could say that ive been underestimating their role all along. i mean yeah well i knew they were important, somehow. but you know, not quite as important as i now think they are.
OH YES. and i can finally understand how come richard dawkins and the like come across as such angry people, and so.. doubtful about the intellect of those who hold the oppposing view. like, seriously. yesterday somehow we ended up talking about god. again. i cant imagine how this topic keeps creeping up in conversations. (oh. had dinner at the grandparents yesterday as well. didnt pray while they did. they didnt bat an eyelid. not visibly at least. maybe theyre finally getting used to things) anyways. yeah. so he was saying something like. the whole reason why we even have an idea, a concept that there can actually be a god in the first place is because there is a god. forgive me. i am still completely lost on this point. id really love to believe in something bigger than me? even if its just for the reason that it would make life a lot easier. the whole giving it all to god thingo.
anyways. no offense but i really dont get what is so hard to get about what i was trying to say. like no matter how many times, and in different ways i was trying to counter argue that. my point was: why must you make things more difficult when you can explain them easily? ocaam's razor. really. imagine. assuming i dont know the inner workings of lightning and as yet am unable to figure out exactly how it comes about, 1) i see the lightning 2) i dont know/understand how there can be such a thing 3) i assume that something bigger and greater than me must be causing it ie. god. so the point of this illustration is to say that.. the idea of a god stems from the very fact that it is something that we dont understand some phenomenon (mirables and godly stuff included). so we invent something (god) to explain it until we can understand it scientifically.
but you? you just step around my argument and reiterate your own while failing to address what i say at all. you say. 1) i see the lightning 2) i dont know/understand how there can be such a thing 3) i assume that something bigger and greater than me must be causing it ie. god. 4) since the idea a god popped into my head in the first place, this must be reason enough to believe that it was that very god who put the idea into my head. you dont tear apart my argument. you dont disprove me. you state the existance of your god as if it were an end-all to everything. excuse me. yes i know. we are not talking about whether there is a god in the first place. we are talking about where we get the idea of a god from. but since you bring into the debate something that is not concrete to validate your argument, you must first validate your that something ie. that there is a god in the first place.
i am not saying that there is no god. just.. disprove me, you know. im an agnostic, not an atheist. rather different. i acknowledge that i dont know. i just dont acknowledge that you know for sure either. these ideas/arguments probably arent even my own in the first place. probably picked up from reading somewhere or other. for goodness sake dont step around what i say. break my argument down. prove me wrong. at least then we can have a fair debate. find a loophole. then at least i can alter my argument to make it better. or come up with a better one to counter whatever you say. just dont.. bandy your god around as if it were an explanation. it isnt. it only is when youre talking to your fellow believers, to whom i dont belong. if you use your god as a reason, the onus is on you to then prove your god so that you can use it in this argument.
12:30 am
Sunday, November 23, 2008
shitass. my head is too empty for the exams.
11:24 am
Saturday, November 15, 2008
has anyone heard the new mediacorp ad now airing on tv and on radio? dont you think it really really reminds you of this? alot right. never seen a video of that before today. haha omg the bassist is like how tall lah can. and the visuals really add that element of.. i dunno. now-ness to it. makes it more exciting? haha *tries desperately to think of some chim ts-term that im sure exists* and i dunno how they make it look so easy. omg, like seriously lah can. speaking of looking easy, check this out as well. like wth lah. i know ill never be able to do that. (so defeatist right. aiyars but whatever larz) and this. haha that last one was quite interesting. amy winehouse rocks. vibe. and i dont listen to dunno-what-you-call-it-but-i-suppose-handlebars-falls-into-that-category stuff all the time ks. RAWRS.
haha speaking of jazz right. at the start of the sem i garang garang go and sign up for the jazz band audition. they said that no need jazz experience also can one. so i thought theyd teach us and all. they super cheated my feelings lah can. then i got there and they were like: do you know how to play bossa nova. i was like, omt shit? the auditioners had this *omg why are you wasting our time if you dunno the basic styles and stuff* look on their faces. they were like, come back next year or sth. anyways. met this other girl drummer who was in the same audition as me. she emailed me about a month back about the philo essay and i kept on procrastinating about the reply. its a bit too late to reply now right. =/
anywaysh. my sister was telling/showing me the article about that ac girl who got ragged on her birthday. at first i thought that you know, haiyar big deal lah, for fun right? some people like to make mountains out of molehills anyways. then she showed me the article with the pictures. the first one really looked like you know, something out of a torture scene or something? except that the victim was in school uniform. the uniform i used to wear. im just thinking: what on earth will people think of ac? then she justified saying, of course theyll take the worst looking prints right. k yeah got a point. so i went to look for the videos on stomp. ive only watched the first two videos and so far it looks quite bad. yar i can imagine ac students can be quite loud sometimes, brash even, sometimes. but this goes beyond what i would have imagined. they brought string to tie her hands up.. okay... and even masking tape to tape her mouth. evidently a line has been crossed somewhere. this thing had been thought through to some degree. and none of her friends thought that it wasnt completely right? none of them spoke up? string to tie and to restrain, masking tape to tape up mouth, doesnt sound like a very pleasant birthday to me. hell yeah. i can understand why they did it i guess.. we try to make each birthday more eventful, more memorable, try to outdo what we previously did before. i mean afterall, more effort kinda means the more you value your friendship right? so yeah. i guess ditto in this case?
ive heard of dumping into the bin, but ive certainly never heard of, much less seen anything like this in my time in/out of ac. okay fine. according to rachel im not in school half the time, and the other half im like hiding out somewhere (exaggeration, i feel) well yeah okay, so maybe i dont know everything that goes on in ac's popular culture. and according to some current j2 (bloglink below), throwing into the bin, yeah okay. taupok, pretty much the same. but this incident takes quite a big step from those two, dont you think? quoting from current j2 students blog:
Oh and I LOVE how he compared me to Wee Shu Min. Apparently, people don't read well.
It’s fine. ACJC is part of a school of elite JCs in Singapore which are not meant for prudes anyway.
When I said part of a school of elite JCs in Singapore, I didn't state that AC is the SOLE ELITE JC in Singapore. A closer look into the LANGUAGE, will reveal that I said AC is PART of A SCHOOL OF ELITE JCs in Singapore. You know, collective noun?
oh my shit? he was talking not about the semantics can? its not about elite or not per se. its about your attitude. okay yes i agree with you. ac students are sometimes stereotyped against. but have you ever thought about why?
okay yeah well, but each to his own i guess. we're a product of our own nature-nurture things anyways. maybe she really did enjoy it. being tied up, having gross stuff thrown at her, in public, posted on youtube, etc. if thats your perception of fun, well then i have nothing to say. after reading many irate comments about how you shouldnt judge, you dont know the girl herself, you probably didnt have such friends/experiences so of course you wont understand, okay yeah. i concede that i do not know. and maybe i never will. but the thing about being a part of any particular culture is that you become insulated within that particular culture and you tend to see the world through that lens. i guess if the culture that you happen to grow up/be is not condoned by others outside it, its important to make a conscious choice about whether you should still choose to follow its practices. (i remember when i was still in school during the 'fight club' thing everybody popular sentiment was also that the seriousness of it was exaggerated and we should all move on) but if you choose to follow in spite of the opposition, at least you chose to.
oh dear i hope i dont sound too much like a friend of mine now.
anyways, about alvinology's 10 nov post, perfect present-day euthyphro!
3:13 am
Thursday, November 13, 2008
OMG I GOT BACK MY PS ESSAY. it totally made my day. and kinda inspired me harharhar. even though its not like an A or anything. and there are like how many improvements. OMG. shit this rocks.
10:38 am
omg. c average is cap of what.. two?
wake up to reality.
4:08 am
have you ever seen what happens during the peak hour crowd, when people are rushing for buses? if you thought the queues at nus after the six o clock lessons end were bad, you should check out the bus stop directly at the mrt. some buses command such popularity that people behave.. strangely. (184 being one of them) everybodys like waiting around for the bus right, then when they see 184 turning the corner they all start rushing towards wherever they think the bus might stop. today (yesterday) especially so cos it was like raining, and there was a bus there already.. so everybody chionged to the front. and when the bus driver signalled that he was alighting the passengers ahead, everybody seriously chionged to the end of the bus stop. im writing this because i know i am one of the ugly them, squeezing my way here and there even though it is totally unecessary. i am somewhat embarrassed to say that i was one of the masses who thronged to the front, then to the back. it wasnt like it was like the 96s where you cant even board the bus. and the bus wasnt like, filled to the brim even. its just a.. rush for seats, and even then, the seats that each person likes the best. i should know. i love my favourite seat. but its like so.. uncouth. and so auntified can. i mean like, seriously. its just a seat. you mean you will suffer so much if you dont get a seat? much less a seat that you dont like as much? (myself included in that you) its just so... urgh.
haha of course private transport would totally rock lah, but i dont really believe in that. you know what would be really cool? imagine that public transport became super the norm, like the ratio of public to private transport were inverted. and like, the frequency of buses are doubled or something. and of course, more routes. i seriously wouldnt mind making cars and stuff so damned expensive so that only the uber-rich can afford them. i dont mind being one of the bus taking masses. afterall, in the abovementioned circumstances, comfort and speed would be pretty much taken care of. so uhh, i dont mind increasing road tax and erp for private vehicles? hahaha. oh dear, that sounds so wrong.
two years to twenty one. yes we can. i dont see the point of forcing me to be back by a curfew so that you can remind me again of all my faults. puh-lease.
would you like to have cheaper bus/mrt fares when you go to school? click here and sign the petition started by ten (if im not wrong) students asking for a more reasonable concession pass price for polytechnic/tertiary students. it may be heard, it may be ignored, but at least theyll know you have a voice. slowly we'll work towards a liberal democracy. so do you believe in change?
10:50 pm
Sunday, November 09, 2008
i think it is not about the events, or things various things. why cant you confront the issue at hand? isnt it about authority rather than individual episodes?
we all run but we cannot hide.
escaping from the idea of being an escapist?
3:04 pm
power power power. what is power without legitimacy?
3:01 pm
okaysh. youre right and youre wrong. anything more? how else can i help you?
2:53 pm
Saturday, November 08, 2008
you are the eldest child but we have to worry the most for you. do the most for you.
okay yeah. whatever. if you wanna stop all the worrying all the doing, then just do it, you know. tell me im not welcome here anymore. because me being the bummer that i am will just continuing staying in your house, making it messy, coming back at times that dont suit your fancy, even though i have no idea why it wouldnt, cos seriously it doesnt make a difference what time i get back, i dont come back to listen to uncomplimentary things. i dont even like, staying with people 24/7. okay? when i talk to you you sacarstic things like oh this is the first time youre asking me youre asking me how my work was! i hate it that im so weak that i dont just get down to it once and for all and be independent. i hate it that im so weak that i dont just buy insurance, wait required number of years then just opt out. you know? i know i wont change. not enough to fit your already not-high expectations. i cant even change enough to meet my own many-times-lowered expectations. you say you didnt do these kind of things to your parents? well alright. i fail then. i wont be able to treat my parents the way you do yours. i wont ever be half as hardworking as you. i wont achieve as much with as little as you. i wont survive as well as you in any sort of situation. yeah. and so on. what else. it has to end somewhere, you know. we cant go on forever, each hoping the other will miraculously change one day, never living up to each others expectations. one of us has to end it somehow. god i hope i have the strength to make it me. leave.
9:47 pm
what do you expect me to say. im sorry?
9:42 pm
you know why i dont obey? you know why i stay out without telling you, come back at three am? lemme tell you something i was studying today alright? to me, you no longer have the authority to i dunno, be the arbiter of right and wrong and to dole out punishments in this house. why? sure, you have power. you can cut my allowance. in fact, im pit broke if i dont get any money from you as of now? you can stop paying my phone bills. you can stop the school fees giro and i cacn drop out of school. but why do i still not obey? i dont believe any more. i just dont believe. i dont believe that i dunno, you can just come up with these rules when suddenly one day you feel like it and you realise that your method of doing things aint that right after all. and you cant force a belief on a person. haha. csj calls it civic disobedience harhar. except i dont live in a democracy. funny, huh?
1) no traditional authority. nuclear family does not hold anymore. 2) no charismatic authority. haha. err, duh? 3) no legal-rational authority. alrights well yeah what do you expect. no process here at all.
haha yesh i know. im making this a micro-state of five people. which is like, whatever. by all means stop paying for stuff. sigh. i guess all this will come to its looong drawn conclusion. yeah. oh well. i mean like i dont wanna stop school lah but if thats what it comes down to then. like that lorh.
anyways. i decided that if they still giving me pocket money heres how im gonna celebrate the end of exams: 1) phuture 2) tongue piercing. if xiaxue can do it i also can lorh.
21 is just one and a half years away. come on come on. better start finding work. ks after the exams.
8:16 pm
Thursday, November 06, 2008
GOOD NEWS. fass students can now s/u their language modules. yesyesyes. omg. i love cls now can. it totally like made my day. i am so going for french three then. hahaha yays! not sure if im s/uing this mod lah. but its kinda comforting to know that my gpa is now not like completely dead. this rocks my socks. like, totally.
anyways, philo essay is starting to get a bit headachey. nonono. youre supposed to be fun. anyways. ive decided that philo is definitely not going to be my major. the language is such a barrier. im like having trouble with all the secondary texts and even the simplified secondary texts, can you imagine what will happen in the higher level mods where you have to read the primary texts? is that even what theyre called? my cousin, is.. hmm. i dunno what to say. he reads plato. like, as a source of.. like you know how they say that a diamond would be nothing but coal if not for the pressure and the heat? yeah. something like that. he reads it to.. i dunno. scrape off the unnecessary, in a way? hes quite good, actually. at flopping down my arguments. just like he says his friend is way better at flopping down his. its just that.. hes a bit too radical. and i dunno.. just get the feeling some of his interpretations are i dunno. out of context? yeah. but hell do really well if he comes to fass i think. but he wants to do geog. *makes face* nieh. anyways. so yeah. number one, the language. number two, i know that the unexamined life is not worth living, but too much grey is not good either. yes. in that case id rather be the unenlightened masses. umm, not the subset of the masses which takes the opiate called religion. the set which cant be bothered with philo, i suppose.
anyways. every day i learn something new. something about me, something about you. something about society. and after a while, you realise that all the disciplines are linked in some way or another. its quite enlightening and very.. disconcerting, to learn about yourself. and the role/part you are playing/ will play in society. and not very nice to know that some of the things you can try doing are bound to fail anyways. or that you are not a change-maker, you do not believe so strongly in things that you become a revolutionary. like feminism. is it inevitable. can we really have a 100% change. laying down for the father, really. thats what i meant when i said that. pandering to the desires of the opposite gender. buying into the whole thing. i want to change something. and yet.. i am not so radical. i do not believe in it so much that i will actually force myself against the status quo. a little here and there, maybe yeah. but never enough to make any large scale change. haha, and today during theatre studies practical, clubbing. hahaha. okay well, not very funny actually. he was giving the example of people clubbing as a liminal moment/experience. wont explain here. not very funny. or in philo, i realised that im a believer in egoism. not a very flattering thing to believe in. haha im just hoping nobody knows what egoism means, actually. and cant be bothered to find out. you find out all these things about yourself. and i guess if youre an altruistic person, etc etc. finding out wouldnt be so bad.. but i find myself identifying with these categories and groups that dont sound so nice. arent in fact so nice, actually. that it really is quite disturbing. and yet you cant not find out. i mean, who doesnt want to find out about themselves. i guess in this case you could also say the unexamined life is not worth living? not in context lah, but oh wells.
im so noobish i dont know how to embed that youtube thingo. anyways, its basically a clip of a singaporean who believes that she has been cheated by the banks etc. but what i found interesting was her reference to black become white and white become black cos my dad uses that phrase too. im not sure if its a generation thing? he thinks i do go on too much, especially since ive been to fass. but seriously. after looking at things from the left right centre up down, all the while knowing that there are probably a gazillion angles not explored, its kinda hard to see anything as purely black and white. its more like.. grey grey and more grey. until i dunno whats up and whats down anymore. not to mention proper colours, not just these monochromatic stuff. anyways. FINALLY SUBMITTED MY PS ESSAY. huzzah manZ. now for philo. and french next week. life rocks man. like, seriously. anyhow. im learning to appreciate a very clipped but straightforward style of writing. quit the flowery language. elle est tres belle, thats for sure, but it doesnt really get the job done.
straight and to the point that is how i like, my coin operated boy.
LOTR/HP One minute, Hermione Granger is fighting rogue Death Eaters, the next, she's in a place called Middle Earth. Now, she must help Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli to defend Middle Earth until Frodo succeeds. And what of love?
haha omg check that out. on a random browse through fanfic (its amazingly still pretty much alive) i found that thingo. maybe some people really need to get their fantasies sorted out.
11:27 pm
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
thoughts from the hometown. it was surprisingly rather nice to go back to malacca after all this while. you know, see relatives and stuff. the slower pace of life, the chickens that roost in the trees, the small kampung chicken eggs, the bathing with water from a big well-like container in the toilet.. what was really nice was they built a toilet indoors in the indoor open space. now you dont have to go outside to this little building, wondering is a huge python is gonna creep up on you if youre going to the loo at night. haha. i did use to wonder that. cos you know there are these stories of pythons swallowing kids and stuff. actually come to think of it, ive never seen a snake in malacca before. but ive seen like snakes in hume ave. funny, huh? thats a line from cockroach opera, the previous play that we did. funny, huh? yes its funny. people dying off hunger and there i was eating sharks fin. always wondered why i didnt like you know, just dont eat sharks fin. but yeah well. big difference itll make. the sharks already dead. theyre gonna continue ordering sharks fin every year even if i dont eat. and so i eat it lorh. funny, huh? the things that happen to all the ideals of youth. my dad says: you are young! youth should have more energy! young people should want to achieve things! yesyes, thats cool and all. but i used to think that i could make a difference, change the world somehow. i mean, there sure are many things wrong as we can see it. but the more i learn, the more i am faced with the inevitability of it all. you learn about how things work, how it all got here. and you realise that hey. how much better could it have been. things are like this for a reason. like now, im like actually quite for pap? i mean, like seriously. i cant believe it either. as in if you ask me do i actually like them, id be like er.... hmmmm... do i really? but at least there is stability. and theres economic growth. yes stability is really important. you can have all these ideals about liberal democracy and all, hell yeah. that is awesome. wed all love something like that.. or at least i think so. but do you actually see any other viable option? do you actually see your neighbour being interested enough to participate in democratic activities on a day-to-day basis? do i even see myself doing that on a day-to-day basis. i dont think so. moi, its just simpler to you know, not do anything. do something only when an issue affects me greatly. yeah. thats me. so much for citizen participation.
and so we exchange our ideals and hopes for something more... practical? not necessarily better but not really worse either. it just.. gets us by? i suppose this is what it means to really scrap the all or nothing thing.
anyways. need to detox. feel damn gross. poor organs.
2:00 pm
omgg love being high.
12:37 am
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.