Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous ĂȘtes venu au faux endroit.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
WANTED: somebody with some sort of experience videoing. ameteurs also very welcome. no money to be had here, really sorry. (actually no experience also can lah. well just find out along the way haha) i wanna film a music video for augustana's boston. sort of as a culmination of ideas that have been bouncing around my head for a while. therell be this emo person singing the song, and playing the piano (or guitar, sounds okay for guitar?) the emo person is a cutter, so therell be like blood somewhere in the mv. so its like alternating between the emo person doing well, stereotypically emo things, and like you know those african children, and those disaster victims and stuff. yeah. it sounds quite crude here, really. but the idea hasnt really been developed fully yet.. it just sort of hit me while i was having a shower. omgz that sounds cool! kinda thing. yeah its supposed to say something about how we dont know how lucky we are, etc along the same vein. we are such asses for being so negative and complaining about our lot in life. yeah. and there can be the emo person struggling against paper chains while some damn thin kid wears real heavy photoshopped ones cos of lines like "you dont wear my chains" and and. the emo person can be like walking along some busy street, orchard road or something, and uhh, emo-ing. and so on. if anybody is interested in something like this, please leave a note. many thanks.
9:01 pm
i think its very funny how i think she needs to see a shrink and she tells me things like: you need to get rid of your psychological block.
i can make you promises but they wont mean a thing.
hahaha omg. i just heard from downstairs. prize twenty-six: a rice cooker. goes to.. isabelle wang. block twenty-seven. hahaha. okay so weve got a new rice cooker. our condos having like this christmas party thingo downstairs. went down earlier for the dinner thingo. there was like a magic/entertainment thing too. quite cool lah huh. i thought this was supposed to be a recession. just on lucky draw prizes alone they spent dunno how much. ANYWAYS. there was this hula hoop competition for the kids and my sister freaking won!!! omgz. i couldnt stop beaming can. like beaming and beaming. and feeling so damn proud of her. shucks. the last round was a freestyle round. and she got down on her knees and did it.. and. turned a full circle on her knees. like omgzzzz. it totally blew the rest of the competition away. although i was kinda rooting for the only guy in the finals.. yeah, just the underdog thing. when i was her age, i wouldnt even have raised my hand, let alone so enthu-ly. probably been like her friend rachel (not to be confused with the sister rachel). like hanging round the edges and stuff. yeah well.
i guess maybe thats one of the reasons parents have kids? like dunno. the feeling of pride is quite awesome. yeah. sometimes i feel kinda bad.. like you know. i turned out so different from what they imagined. to put it bluntly, such a disappointment. (but sometimes i also think: hell, whatever. theyve got two other daughters to give them that endorphin rush.) but i guess well. weve all got that one life. and if we screw it up and individuals.. then i guess its because of perhaps who we are, or what weve done, or to a lesser extent circumstance. dont, for any reason at all feel like you have to stop me from making THE MISTAKE (different to different people, i guess) its nice and all, shows you still care somehow.. but. its still my life? plus, then its not very fair to the large proportion of people out there in the world who dont have others looking out for them, is it. was that coherent at all?
just because you get used to it doesnt mean its getting any better.
its alot easier to like my dad. and its not hard to see why. hes more charismatic, sounds alot more rational. and when i say alot, i mean ALOT more rational. the way she goes on.. golly. its insane. really. im getting over my dislike of shrinks and "pastoral care workers" and say that: yes she needs to see somebody. i cant imagine how in the world it can be very healthy. correction: how it can be healthy at all. all that anger, that annoyance, that irritation, that sense of vindication, of being wronged.. and so on. all those outbursts. unpleasant norms of communication. talking to a person indirectly through third person. complaining. is that where we learn it from? the way of "solving" problems by just.. cutting yourself off from the thing itself. or showing frustration with another person by saying things like, okay fine so you can do it yourself. count me out. god i hate it when i do those kind of things, you know. its such a pathetic way of doing something.. or nothing. and its just so.. her. eww. im just wondering.. what kind of person will my sister grow up to be and how all this will affect/influence her.
ps. just tried eating a sweet that totally killed me when i tried eating it after my tongue piercing. totally a-okay. =)
9:38 am
Thursday, December 25, 2008
so. im back. and now being the time of the year it is, the christmas thing pops up again. i wish they wouldnt take it personally. im not even necessarily rejecting their god. and somehow even that can be construed as a rejection of their efforts, values, and perhaps maybe even as a rejection of them. which is like. zzzz. i mean, yeah well i suppose i can sort of get at where theyre coming from. and i try to sound as unantagonistic as possible when i say im not going to church on christmas day. but saying things like: okay, then you dont go for the christmas lunch. doesnt really help any. i am so dying to see my relatives. i havent seen them in aeons! *sobs* righto. okay that wasnt very nice.. but being told that youre in a moral pit does that to you sometimes. i dont feel particularly charitable when people tell me that. maybe its a self-fulfilling prophecy. will check back on that.
anyways. australia. its really hard not to like the place. the first time in a long time i dont think something along the lines of: omg. yes. thank goodness im back. oh the comforting familiarity. it really is a nice place.
so, conservation. yeah. i really learnt alot about this over there. you know how they wanna make singapore like a environmental hub thingy? yeah well thats awesome and all. we have the technology and the brains and stuff. but the whole environmental culture/mindset is a lot more pervasive over there. its part of their lifestyle. oh yes. and camping out in the open, tramping over the windy beach in the middle of the night, was totally worth it. if you ever are in southern queensland, you must must visit mon repos. (and book ahead) it was a totally awesome experience. we got to see a turtle make its way up the beach, dig a hole, and lay some hundred odd eggs. that was one of the highlights of the trip. the night we were there it was partially storming. you can feel the sand in the air stinging your legs/ankles and stuff. can you imagine the poor turtle? her poor eyes must be like dying. but it was great. yeah so well. got reminded of the importance of the danger of being apathetic.
11:12 am
Sunday, December 07, 2008
this weeks been a hell of a week. thanks jessie and friends for the best night out in a damn. long. time. =) omg thighs super aching lah can. i think in two nights ive burned more calories than what. the whole past year put together? *ignores all the eating and sleeping and everything in between* getting old, i am. so, yes. quitting temporarily. heehee.
and the church/cult thingo. watched the passion of christ on friday. omg. it totally killed my apetite can. gruesome, gross, gory, what else can i say. after getting past all the blood i found myself wondering. omg. if my god (assuming christian conception of god) really did this for me then i am not worthy. i remember somebody saying, dunno who, that you know, when we sin we are as good as being the ones spitting at jesus, flogging him, jeering at him, stabbing him, etcetc, and ultimately crucifying him. ehh. yeah. it made me feel damn bad can.
oh yeah. they made an analogy which i cant remember one of these days, that reminded me of some story a preacher told us in chapel. it was something like. if you have a pet hamster. and being such a nice and wonderful owner you love it like alot alot. then one the hamster (haha is hammie the hamster a nice name for a hamster?) takes it into its head that it wants to run across the busy road cos its the attractive thing to do for some strange reason. so the only way to stop it is to.. become a hamster and to convince it. yeah well. kinda makes sense i guess. but i was just thinking. but in the story youre not the person who created the hamster in the first place. and not the one who created the busy road. not the one who made the hamster capable of wanting to cross the road. so how do we compare that?
OHOH. and you know what. this church of god thingo? the endtime is supposedly 2012. apparently the mayans believed that it was 2012 too! how friggin cool is that? the two are really quite unrelated right?
oh yearh. and now that exams have ended, i daresay ill miss some of the lecturers. those who are damn funny lah can. the ps ones. haha omt. farnae. one of them was saying. i wish i could give you all As. but then it would lead to grade inflation or something like that. haha. ohoh. and if anybodys taking any modules under tan ern ser especially SC1101E, you know hes telling the truth when he says things like "the whole module/all the lectures is a big hint" and "we are not out to kill you. it is a manageable paper". hint is really hint can. i think webcast lectures are like a damn good idea. one of the questions that came out was in the lecture slide can. i read the question until my eyes popped out. haha. not literally. but super couldnt believe my eyes. yeah. that was way cool. hmm so who else. jholbo is relatively funny lah. but hes like robert rankin. when i first got him, i nearly died laughing. it was that hilarious. but after a while its like. okay.. moving on.. but still, as one critic says. you must read at least one robert rankin in your lifetime. I TOTALLY AGREE.
anyways. cla. you are so telling me about your longest date ever when i get back.
ah crap. leaving tomorrow. gotta pack. there goes my hols.
3:19 pm
Thursday, December 04, 2008
omg i cant believe it. eminem made me cry. =(
=( =( =(
oh yes, but thanks qi for telling me his story long long ago. what, few months ago? feels really long tho.
10:19 am
hahaha if youre looking for an early morning laugh, this would be it. the hate mail to the pastafarians. ohh golly.
8:40 am
Monday, December 01, 2008
you know, im starting to feel scared. scared because im actually feeling guilty that im like pretending to actually believe what they say. and even scareder because i cant find things in my head to prove them wrong. ie. they are starting to sound more and more convincing. partially because i dont wanna think these people are highly delusional. i mean, i actually like them. this is badbadbad. i mean hell yeah i knew they were a cult when i decided to go back there. but damn, they sure are good at doing their thing.
i mean like. god, even if you do exist do you think id fall for "this is your home" and herd instinct and a tear-jerker movie of deep impact?
shucks. but if it didnt have any impact why am i writing this, why am i going back there three days in a row, and why do i suddenly find a need to find any/many different interpretations of the bible as possible.
its like, you know. reading the lexicon by the other author and the one by jk rowling. you really wanna believe its true, and on some level you believe its true, but you know that its not at the same time. one day im gonna have to reconcile the "you cant prove theres a god" and all this stuff. darn. doublethink is getting too effective.
"When you meet the friendliest people you have ever known, who introduce you to the most loving group of people you've ever encountered, and you find the leader to be the most inspired, caring, compassionate and understanding person you've ever met, and then you learn the cause of the group is something you never dared hope could be accomplished, and all of this sounds too good to be true-it probably is too good to be true! Don't give up your education, your hopes and ambitions to follow a rainbow." - Jeannie Mills, author of "Six years with God," and co-founder of the Concerned Relatives and the Human Freedom Centre.
3:15 pm
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.