Bonjour. Si vous voulons me chercher, vous êtes venu au faux endroit.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
i guess its days like these you just sigh and think, hell yeah its all gonna end one day. or at least, i sigh and think. by its all gonna end one day, i mean in death. i have a some sorta love-hate relationship with it, i think. as much as one who doesnt know such an entity/phase can have a relationship with. i know sooner or later i will get tired of life, or life will get tired of me? and i will commit suicde. haha. yes, unlike what ive told people the top three reasons for my death are (and also the things i have to insure myself against) 1) car accident. always jaywalking. 2) liver failure. drinking. 3) cancer. eat too much microwaved food and other miscellaneous rubbish.
dont get me wrong. im not depressed. (oh of course, they never do admit it?) im just.. being practical. i know that i have a problem with commitment. and one day, i dunno. the first and final commitment will become too tenuous. why dont i just friggin do something about it right. yeah i know, its pathetic. there are people dying, there are people with far bigger problems out there. and here you are griping about what. why youre pro-feminist. why youre anti-feminist. why you buy into the subjugation of half of humankind for your transient pleasures. which are.. i dunno. are they pleasures? why you are racist. why you are ageist. why you discriminate. why you perpetuate the very system you profess to dislike/hate. why you can no longer appreciate what is beautiful, or simple. why you scorn the mass-produced, the ordinary, the things of everybody, yet unable to summon up the determination/will to pursue the extraordinary, and so end up learning to live with and even like the ordinary. and why youre obsessed with all this in the first place.
god its pathetic. do you see why i cant live with myself sometimes? haha. its alright, if theres anyone reading this. this is like, totally not a suicide note. i started writing those two months ago. decided to finally do something concrete. but havent finished them yet. barely started, in fact. its a very tiring business. it may be tomorrow (highly unlikely), it may be in a year, or a few decades. i dunno. very little anyone can do to change that. perhaps maybe a shrink. but god. i really have an aversion to them and their darn mind games. hmm. not that ive seen very many though but oh well. bad enough. maybe thats why i wont study pysch? ha. but try telling that to my dad. hed never see why.
once again, this is not a suicide letter. and it certainly isnt a "cry for help". life can verily go on as it has. im just.. letting people know early so they wont be surprised when it happens. although i certainly will laugh if anyone goes before i do, intentionally or not. bitterly or not, i will really laugh if that happens. not at the funeral though, that would be bad taste.
9:56 pm
gail.
loves anything new
gets caught up in causes, events, loves
but doesn't do anything about them.
professes to be a supporter of the green movement
but leaves the lights on
disapproves of mcdonalds
but eats there anyways.
godwise, the jury's still out.
schoolwise, fass rocks my socks
but why do i have like a ton of work to do?
familywise, i guess theyre/its great
we just need to figure out what to do around each other?
freindswise, hey you guys are awesome.
blogwise, realises that the profile section is crappy
but doesn't know how else to fill up the space.
