the.salacious.silence

2011-02-01T16:22:00.001+08:00

2010-10-29T14:41:00.001+08:00

why cant the fucking docs fix me. i thought this new drug was working??!?!?! what if i fail this 2 mod sem.....

2010-10-14T23:37:00.002+08:00

i found my old blade today. i didnt go: oh crap, here we go again.. and i didnt go: yessss. my long lost friend, how ive missed you. but i did think: well, i dont need it right now anyways.

and thats a milestone that im quietly proud of.

hell. A MILESTONE THAT IM DAMN PROUD OF.

2010-10-03T21:41:00.001+08:00

scared.

well hello, bad nights, you old friend.

2010-09-13T13:43:00.002+08:00

you know youve reached a new level of dysfunctional when you look at SI photos and the majority of them make you think: jeez. stop magnifying your dependence on it people.

you look at the congealed consistency of the blood (probably from trying to collect more for the photos haha) and the small cuts, and you read the pathetic accompanying text "oh its getting uncontrollable, i cant stop, im like so dependent on this" and you roll your eyes. oh, please.

and you look at a small few photos and they inspire.. respect.

2010-07-27T16:38:00.002+08:00

I FINALLY FOUND OLD BAY. omg. muahahaha.

hennyways found a food blog from singapore as well. FINALLY something from here that makes me whine and drool and cringe at the omg-why-isnt-that-in-front-of-me pictures. thelittleteochew.blogspot.com

you will die when you see it. dont say i didnt warn you.

on another note. seems like everybodys doing it these days. the widow, the friend of a friend. god. why am i still here.

2010-07-04T22:53:00.000+08:00

omg. helena bonham carter. you rock my socks. you are like my new idol.

ah, tim burton, you. i know what kinda woman you like. first her, then amanda palmer. hehe.

2010-07-03T16:40:00.001+08:00

it sucks not to have onion in your kitchen. damn.

2010-07-01T03:15:00.003+08:00

yes, we could change the world, one girl at a time. we could be like a girl-saving team.

and maybe on the way.. we can find a way to help you too.

=)

2010-06-24T17:38:00.003+08:00

OH. MY. GOD. the kitchen goddesses of agaration are punishing me. or should i say, meticulousness. but anyways. im currently being punished for my manyfold sins in the realm of agaration. and since there is a horror sitting in my still-hot oven. okay, so heres what i did to sort of deserve to get:

ive been on this mini streak where mini agarations paid off recently. so i wasnt overly concerned about the first few i made. like. they needed meyer lemons. i had regular. no problem really.

hmm. not enough butter, too lazy to buy some more. lets halve the pie crust. except that i did it in a very round-off-ing kinda way. okaaay... but pie crust aint that unforgiving, right? worst case scenario is you get a real hard (still edible?) thingy. im not exactly making perfect pie crusts my new project here.

and thenn.... the horror. i forgot to halve the amount of water needed. I KNOW water is a very anal thing in a pie crust. and errr. frankly ive no idea what i was doing at the time. and then i freaked out cos it wouldnt really stick together in a ball. yeahh, i know its supposed to just barely stick together. but this was the barest of barelys. i was thinking omgomgomg, was it cos i made the butter bits too large? or cos i used a fork instead of a proper pastry dough thingy? or should i have used my hands straight from the start? or was it just the stupid water. and so i tried not to think of all of these potential disasters and put it in the fridge to chill.

and then. when it came out, it refused to roll out nicely. and the amounts of flour i used in the process were so astronomical, i freaked out even more. is it supposed to be like that???!?!?!? cos when you do bread youre really really not supposed to add too much flour. damn. this is getting really bad. i tried to transfer it to the dish with the folding into quarters method. and it refused to unstick. OMG. WTH IS HAPPENING. okay, quit looking at me like that. i mean, i know youre supposed to do it gently. so they dont stick together. and i did that alright? gently. but it refused to unfold nicely. and so after multiple rolling efforts (no, i still dont know what went wrong, will somebody tell me? haha, aside from the many mentioned agarations?) i just stuck it in the dish, and pressed it flat in it. *gasp*

and no, my unforgivable misdeeds dont stop there. i ran out of butter for the filling. i ran out of eggs for the filling. i was so enthusiastic about getting the wonderful flakiness that i forgot to flavour the pastry. and by the time i remembered, it was already chilling in the fridge. and the sugar. i was refilling the sugar container and there was just that bit left that wouldnt fit. and so i added to the lemons. on hindsight, its approx. 1/4 cup of it? not so good, eh. and worst of all, the dish was too small for all of it. and it overflowed in the oven, causing quite a bit of smoke. and alot of black gunk ive gotta clean up on the oven floor. but by then i was to pek cek that wth. that things not gonna come out of the oven till its done. so there. even if it causes someones fire alarm to ring.

oh i got it. its the pie. PIE. my nemesis. oh no you dont get away with it, you damn... pie. because i remember the last time i tried a pie, it was disaster. well no, not really.. the pie itself was AWESOME. really, beautiful. the once-in-a-dunno-how-many-time thingy that youre like omgomgomg hurryup get out of the oven and cool down quick because I WANNA TRY YOU NOWWWW!!!! and you know its gonna taste superb. aaaand. *drumroll* i dropped the whole damn pie ( all 24cm of it) on the damn floor. and that was the end of that. i kinda went on a hiatus for awhile after that.

and now im gonna watch glee.
because anything is better than thinking about what to do about the cleanup waiting for me.

PS. later update. omg. it doesnt look half bad! and i stole a chunk of pastry. crumbly as ever. damn. if only i paid a little less attn to that and a bit more to everything else.

PPS. ohh miee gawddd. dont my hands still smell wonderful.

2010-06-22T20:40:00.000+08:00

omg. what i would give to be steven klein.
alejandro is so good.

2010-06-21T21:05:00.000+08:00

imperceptibly getting better.

2010-06-11T21:21:00.003+08:00

huhh.
fuck?

i know youre hurting, and youre angry.
i guess ill just disappear for real this time.
im sorry, even though i suppose its not worth very much.

i wish you luck
and i wish it true
thats the best
i can do for you

cos youll probably find love
in someone new
i have to let go
yeah it hard to do

so if i ever see you on the street
ill pretend that i didnt see
and turn my
no use in small talk anyway

cos if i look into your eyes
then ill have to say goodbye
and thatll break my heart
so i wont even start
i wont even start

2010-06-10T14:35:00.000+08:00

its not that i thought you were the happy one.
its just that i tried keeping myself together hoping that in doing so i could keep you together.

2010-06-09T03:50:00.000+08:00

wake me up from this private hell.

2010-06-06T11:20:00.001+08:00

what do you do with these urges. hmmm...

2010-06-05T20:53:00.001+08:00

argh, the pills siren song.
fuck off.

2010-05-30T20:11:00.000+08:00

if i said im sorry enough, would it end this paralysis?

2010-05-28T08:39:00.001+08:00

methinks. i think im gonna be very expensive to put together.

that being said, gail vers 2.0 is in the works, no doubt about that.

2010-05-24T15:50:00.001+08:00

walau, pharmaton is damn bloody big can.
and i thought i was getting good with pills.
nieh. and it stinks too.

2010-05-22T01:35:00.001+08:00

goopy red on white
fingertips crusted brownpurpleblack
help i cant stop

2010-05-12T01:10:00.000+08:00

first week of feeling better, i hated it like hell.

2010-04-26T02:24:00.001+08:00

little boy, did you know you saved my life that day?

2010-04-24T22:45:00.002+08:00

where'd you go, i miss you so
seems like its been forever
that youve been gone
please come back home

with the medication it feels like theres an artificial floor keeping me from the shit. its good but its bad. i dont know how to live with this sanity, this unending lucidity. where did the old me go, the gail from years ago?

i guess i just wanna say im sorry to the friends ive/im cutting out, the friends that i want to help but i cant, the friends i owe more than just this patheticalness.

ill stop mia-ing one day soon, i promise.

2010-04-21T13:36:00.002+08:00

omgz. ive clubbed to ke$ha before, catchy, strong beat, not bad. but omg. i just watched her on youtube.. and omgz. she is so. loud. and err, trashy. and.. american. ewz. omg. shit i wish i didnt watch those vids.

2010-03-15T00:34:00.001+08:00

past is past.

2010-01-15T15:21:00.002+08:00

you know, sometimes i cannot help but feel very.. angry. when i read stuff on the "Singapore Condition", whatever that might be. i mean like, you sort of manufacture a state, and then a couple of decades down the road you make caustic remarks about how oh, Singapore's not a nation. or oh, you Singaporeans are too soft, too full of complaints, too whatever. ad nauseam. i mean like, you create the social conditions for these situations to arise, and then you come back and make it sound like its our fault? is it any wonder that we arent a "nation", when you dont cultivate a feeling of pride in being part of this big in-group we call a country? and about the FT thing. im not saying that all this importation of talent thingy isnt good or anything, cos honestly, i dont think i know enough to take a stand on that. because the value of a person's citizenship shouldnt be about economics, or the best value out there. i mean sure, theyre awesome goals to strive for. but shouldnt the it be more about an instrinsic value, a sense of pride perhaps?

i guess that's just my two cents worth. but i hope any self-respecting Singaporean would be able to feel the sense of outrage that i feel when our pride has been worn down (by our leaders, no less) and yet are asked to be able to hold our heads up with dignity and sing the national anthem during events like national day. and to listen to the appeal of "for the common good" whenever we have to swallow one of those bitter pills every once in a while and to accept it with good grace; when in all actuality.. what is the common good? who are these common people who are supposed to be connected to us? are we not mere digits, mere statistics out of a whole, as we have been told?

as the much-circulated quote goes:

"If you care too much about Singapore, first it’ll break your spirit, and finally it will break your heart." - Alfian Sa'at

if thats not enough, look here for some spine-tingling, consciousness-raising stuff.

anywaysies. school's in and, oh god. ive forgotten what having to wake up at a certain time each morning feels like. haha actually, forgot how to use my brain is what it feels like. urgh. i hope i can last through this sem. all proferred help is greatly appreciated.

2009-12-24T18:12:00.003+08:00

you know youre watching too much south park when you read things like

"Gentlemen of the jury, who would it hurt if you took this life? Look back to that second row. Please look. I want all twelve honourable men to turn your heads and look back to that second row. ... Think on that, gentlemen, think on it."

and you hear the voice of eric cartman in your head. oh dearies me.

hennyways, i keep getting the feeling that im getting too old for this clubbing thing. and then comes along a night where i dunno the magic happens again? cheesylame much? you know like where you dont have to try at all and its so damn fun. and you know that your dance moves probably look rather lame but who the hell cares, its so ALIVE NOW. omgz. thanks everyone who was there, company was great even though i dont really know you guys. of course, it doesnt hurt that even sad lychee martinis from arena consumed in copius amounts helps one along the way to alivenowdom.

anyways, i now see the benefits of being a social christian. hmm. so will it be church now for me? i wanna do the mormon and falungong thing first though.

2009-12-04T19:05:00.002+08:00

Yet time after time, I get this episodes and I can't take it. With each one, it gets easier and harder. It is easier because the pain becomes more familiar, but it gets harder because each time, it is more difficult to get back up.

got it from here. god, i love the way how some people just have a way with words. because now that youve fallen into the cesspool the route down to it gets easier and easier to travel down. and the paths of fairytales become mere memories. and its harder and harder to get back out.

oh fuck
ill give you anything,
if you could make the damn thing work.

2009-12-01T00:57:00.003+08:00

I really liked the series but Blumenthal only pretends to be scientific about cooking. At heart he is an artist and that is why this recipe turned out so overly complicated I think. from here, in one of the comments.

omgz, i cannot agree more. like, took it out of my mouth before the thought even formed in my brain. omgz! like, seriously. what the pong, you know? his peking duck episode?!? like the whole point of the peking duck is like how they make the skin crispy and shiny yet having the inside tender and moist and then he goes comes along and decides to separate it altogether, so that each can be done to perfection. RAWR. feels like cheating to me.. although well, you do get the end product, who really cares? but then horh, i still wanna give his bolognese a shot? =/ hahaha and im already foreseeing myself not being able to do it exactly.

ANYWAYS. currently on a tomato craze. there was the half boiled egg craze, the bread/artisan baking thingthing, and now, the tomato craze. anyways. i had an epiphany eating the leftover sauce today. i didnt really take to the whole dont stir the beef into the sauce and let it brown by itself cos im just not used to a taste thats so... MEAT. BUT THEN HORHHHHH. after doing the stew thing (letting it sit in the fridge so it tastes better) i really had an epiphany. YES! maybe ive been lied to all my life, about the nature of authentic bolognese. YES! maybe bolognese doesnt have to be this thick smathering of tomato together with meat. YESYESYES! and i (sort of) understood what they meant when they said it should celebrate the meat. and (sort of) overcame the instinctive horror that came over me when i read that bolognese has milk in it, and that it only contains quite little tomato. hennyways. perhaps the blumenthal recipe will be my contribution towards the family christmas gathering thingthing. for a three-day recipe, one really needs a big event to work towards.

anyways. caught quite a few movies lately, and some of them were really good. blue mansion was awesome. like showcasing all our theatre talent like that, hahaha. MUST WATCH. another MUST WATCH is mulan. and coming from me, a bananafied singaporean, that makes it doubly MUST WATCH cos come on. how often do i really like chinese stuff. anyways, despite all my omg-i-hate-chinese-ness, i think the 12 years of indoctrination of chinese-ish values really did do their job. because i found myself crying and crying and crying like shit from the start to the end. its not like cos i identified with the people, the whole Hollywood illusion of reality thingthing, but i dunno. identification with value system?!??!! although, also not quite it leh. not like i do things that are noble, or xiao shun, or ai guo, etc what. anyways, MUST WATCH jiu si la. i felt quite wow cos for me it was like, finally, the chinese reclaiming their cultural/historical story somewhat? (because the only way i knew the story was through disney's version hehehe) and it was wowifying. oh and gomorrah was not bad also. (not sure if i spelt it right.) hmm. although its what you would typically expect from picturehouse i guess.

happy world aids day, people.

2009-11-30T17:37:00.001+08:00

aiyar, if only singapore gahmen not so strict on drugs. then clubbing would be the ULTIMATE EXPERIENCE.

2009-11-27T15:16:00.003+08:00

2009-11-27T15:16:00.001+08:00

2009-11-27T03:58:00.001+08:00

OMGZ. mrbrownshow winner can. Faquhar (how to spell?) University. F U forever! (must say in a super singlishfied manner)

2009-11-06T18:07:00.002+08:00

OMFG they got these MADE OF AWESOME people to do peptalks for nanowrimo! =)

GARTH NIX

BRIAN JACQUES

NEIL GAIMAN

JANET FITCH!!!

MEG CABOT

2009-11-05T20:37:00.002+08:00

if i could i say three things to god:

1) im sorry, i guess i really screwed up your Grand Plan huh?

2) ahahaha. for all i know screwing up your "Grand Plan" is actually part of your Grand Grand Plan.

3) wait a minute. i bet you put this whole "if i could say three things to god" idea just to feel amused by me getting mindfucked by it! damn. gotta give it to you. at least you have a sense of humour. ahahaha.

2009-11-05T20:15:00.002+08:00

this blog needs to close. soon. but first i must get started with a consistent style thingo of a new one. until then i guess i must remain contented with little dribs and drabs here and there, pseudo-enigmatic vignettes designed to keep people in the dark while partially letting them into the eyesrolloutofyourhead world that is gailwang.

and time goes by
so slowly

haha, did i ever tell you all i ever wanted was to be normal. average. mediocre? (hmm nono not mediocre.) normal student. normal person. normal daughter. normal sister. normal friend. normal fucking human being.

anywaysssSSS. im in the process of earning my certification in Professional Nomadism. i just have to complete this last module that involves shifting to ulu-land in the west, and ill be a qualified Professional Nomad, skilled in the art of stripping life down to the basic necessities for efficient banjia-ing. come to think of it, my certification will be hard-earned. counting my original home, this place will be my fifth dwelling place for the year. damn. if that doesnt make me a Professional Nomad, then i dont know what does. *thinks of retarded property agent fees that ive paid and cringes*

2009-10-22T01:29:00.003+08:00

to becky (hope i got her name right! not that shell ever know?):

whose drawing made me feel the same way as when i first watched the choirboys. the first time i heard the arensky piano trio. the first time i heard some anonymous (to me) piece played by some band from a jc in the east, cant remember which one ahaha. first time i read janine, 1982. one of the magic moments when youre playing with other people and suddenly forget that youre actually playing. another anonymous piece at a playing class. i think several other movies that for the time being i cant remember. the ending of the oliver twist that came out several years ago? the bleeding love choreography from SYTYCD. beautiful until you cry. and you want it to last forever, even though it may only be a couple of minutes long.

and so becky, thank you for the experience.

actually, thank you all, anonymous people, for the experience. the small acts of kindness. the respect of personal space, mutual understanding that we all have our reasons for being there. the feeling of solidarity that comes from knowing that each of us are facing our private fears. the understanding that we are the ones who somehow fell out of the loop? we watched each other, sure. but what else was there to do, stuck in that place. we took our turns staring into space, drawing blood, waiting for mealtimes overeagerly cos theres really no bloody else to do, waiting to get out but yet fearful of what the outside holds, took our turns hiding under the covers, took our turns wishing it all away. yes, id say its a very humbling experience indeed. and yes, for a moment i wished i stayed there longer. so once again, thanks for the experience that im guessing i wont be having again anywhere else.

damn i wish i could give each of them a hug. yeah, even the uncle who somehow keeps scratching his butt. ahahahahaha.

2009-10-18T17:16:00.000+08:00

because the d-word is necessarily self-absorbed.

2009-10-09T18:04:00.000+08:00

ward 12 is a humbling place.

although not without the distractions that a certain cute doctor provides. hahaha.

2009-10-02T02:07:00.002+08:00

heys.. i know you want/need to talk about all the stuff thats been happening. really sorry i couldnt talk and wasnt more supportive. went for cou-----ing today which made me freaking tired. i guess/hope you know what i mean?

hope you see this before i see you tomorrow.
hang in there and love you loads. =)

2009-10-01T20:03:00.001+08:00

will singapore have a green party in the near future?

2009-09-30T11:31:00.002+08:00

business-related majors scare me.
how can anyone be so overly goal-oriented?
not to mention focussed on producing results.
hohum.

2009-09-27T22:52:00.000+08:00

what are you doing?!

im commiting carbicide.

2009-09-26T03:30:00.000+08:00

dont you recognise me
this is who i really am
sick and twisted on the inside

2009-09-26T00:04:00.003+08:00

now john safran is up to inter racial relationships! or, inter any-two-different-things relationships, from the promotional clip. and... *drumroll* it even has a one-second-long (?) part featuring his "crucifixion"!

oh to be able to purchase not-shown-or-sold-in-singaporeland DVDs. i havent even watched the full version of his religion series. or the 2009 dr who. =(

2009-09-20T12:08:00.000+08:00

AMANDA PALMER IS COMING TO SINGPORIANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-20T10:59:00.002+08:00

AMANDA PALMER AND NEIL GAIMAN. omfg. i only learn about it now.

and theyre coming to singaporeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEE.

2009-09-18T18:25:00.001+08:00

phone.. died. contactable via email. kinda.

2009-09-14T15:36:00.002+08:00

god sometimes you just dont come through.

hmm. okay not that i expect you to anymore.

whoo-hoo.

2009-09-14T08:43:00.002+08:00

still looking for a little meaning. correction, direction. yeah, ill settle for direction. meaning can come later.

2009-09-09T13:13:00.002+08:00

life without four leaves is a strange affair.

feels weird.. liberating, but empty.

and i cant smile, and i cant sing
finding it hard to do anything

2009-09-07T19:07:00.004+08:00

OMG PEOPLE. LKY is coming for our kent ridge ministerial forum this year. yes, the man himself. i didnt go for last years one, cos i pulled out i really cant remember why. well i dunno why im so excited, really. maybe cos ive never seen him speak in person before. maybe i wanna see if real life holds up to accounts. well yeah, admittedly he spoke at the event a couple of years before. but i didnt know it and all. so.. yup. but, its one thing im not gonna miss this year.

i wonder when we'll get an opposition member as guest of honour though.

2009-09-04T05:45:00.003+08:00

thank god for AWESOME. yes hank, my life is a little bit better. =) butbutbut.. do i qualify to be a nerdfighter? =/

anyways. so we're doing this public policy challenge thingy and the topic's on the income disparity in singapore. and i realised that the friend who had the helping other people mini-debate with me late one night, shes not alone in thinking that way. which, i guess, shouldnt come as a surprise huh. all the upper middle class people with upper middle class views and concerns. i was so shocked/surprised when i got my students to write about their holiday and they all wrote about going to malaysia, bintan, etc. and. we dont owe them anything, ultimately its up to the individual to work to better his/her own life. ya larh. i know where youre coming from la. you say, my dad/mum/grandparents/relatives were poor once, they managed to make the best of it, did what they could, etc. and look where they are now. where they are is based on their own hard work. do they owe any part of their success to anyone else? no. and if they can do it, why cant you?

but you know what, do you really know what it is like? okay, if it were my dad saying it, i guess maybe he has some right to? he did sorta make it from kampung nothingness to current somethingness. but who are you (or i) to say? for each person who succeeds, there has to be a person who "fails". for after all, what is success in the abscence of failure? i think its really easy for us in our comfortable lifestyle (well, not really comfortable to us i guess. theres always that dress i want, or that ipod i need, that bigger house to live in, the retirement fund to put into, and so on. not that its wrong, wanting these things) to assume that people have the resources they need to break out the this low-income cycle. i mean, sure. it doesnt pretty feasible and rational, doesnt it? im just reminded of this blog post i read recently, but i just cant remember where i read it so i can put the link up. the person was interviewing and following the life of a homeless person for i think a day or so. and near the end of the article the person said how draining the whole process of merely surviving from one day to the next was. i felt what its like to not know where youre going to sleep the next day. didnt feel good. in situations like these (or not knowing how to pay the next installment of your home loan etc. one in twelve default on home loans now, btw. that is, after being in arrears for at least three months), how many can find the energy to think OH. i need to upgrade my skills so that i can find a proper job? let alone have the energy to wholeheartedly engage in learning activities. hahaha. just look at my last sems grades can. not excusing my lack of effort la, but still. oh well, i guess think twice before saying, oh people should just try harder.

AND. you know what, i cant believe LKY said this. great god, holy smokes, oh me oh my! YA LARH. we know pap will retain majority larh. but must you be so ungracious in the winning? if i had the chance to vote, well, you know where i'd vote. yes, simply by that statement alone. and out goes the whole idea that we're supposed to be rational actors who make informed choices. oh well, i really do like supporting the underdog. remember friends, the only change we can hope to get is through the ballot box.

2009-08-22T01:16:00.003+08:00

i watch amy lee in her music videos and wonder: god, does she really feel the way i do?

anyways. ive been thinking. my blogging seems to have lost its sense of direction. like, in jc i felt i was saying something worth reading, like it had some kind of humour in it. but now im like whining all the time. and whining in a way thats not even nice to read anymore. the vibrant community of sociopolitical bloggers that forms my online reading diet just makes me feel quite pointless really. so yeah. hence the super sporadic posts now.

also, im finally starting to feel like i belong to the political science department. which is good, i guess. i mean, it makes me feel smarter. it allows me to pretend i actually participate in intellectual activity. it makes me feel like i have a shot at those international organisations (although looking at my cap would really tell you otherwise). other than that, im having a crisis of identity. you learn this and you learn that, but then you ask yourself, where the hell do i fit in? im neither here nor there, or anywhere at all really. darn.

2009-08-20T19:31:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isZfVhyKLsI&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Ftheonlinecitizen.com%2F&feature=player_embedded#t=27

do you feel ashamed to be a singaporean? i know i do.

2009-08-16T03:10:00.000+08:00

i continue to be amazed by my fellow schoolmates. before lecture this week i overheard some girl telling her friend that a lecturer said they shouldnt use wikipedia as a source, and sounded like it was a novel idea at that. she didnt sound like a year one. i hope she was a year one though.. =/

2009-08-16T02:26:00.000+08:00

classic

anon
thank you for this very illuminating piece.

why are we paying obscene money for politicians who can't even pull wool over our eyes convincingly???

LuckySingaporean
You have to pay them more if you want thicker wool :-)

2009-07-31T05:09:00.000+08:00

COOLCOOL. being the youtube whore that i sometimes am =)

2009-07-31T04:00:00.002+08:00

aimee mann coming to singaporeland. wa, cool stuff. unfortunately i wouldnt spend money on tix though. dresden dolls or world inferno YESYESYES.

anywaysies. i realised that i dont wanna die any more. well, not really. you know, the internet is like full of all these pseudo-inspirational stuff for i guess people who need help (?) and stuff. usually i just roll my eyes and laugh at it to make myself feel better. (i mean seriously right, if you need some internet scribbles to help pull yourself through the next day, that pretty much sucks doesnt it.) but somewhere i read recently said i dunno, that that person wrote out a list of things he/she wanted to do before doing the grand old deed but the things just took up longer and longer time that the idea doesnt seem relevent any longer.

so yeah well, against my better/worse judgement and went a-writing. by golly, i only wanted a list of ten but now i have i dunno how many things that i really wanna do. yeah. lifes gonna be so much fun. from the looks of things, im gonna need a few years. so i guess alls good for now. anyways can you believe it, one of the things is to do damn fucking well in school. im tired of being mediocre. tired of just scraping through. and especially scared of the number of Fs that i seem to have accumulated this past sem. yup. gotta hit the books soon. and other things, of course. hahaha am not gonna list it all here though, lest i offend the delicate senses of other people.

here and now, here i come.

korea

2009-07-22T12:56:00.008+08:00

there is something sublime about flying high above the clouds, listening to cool stuff and the babble of excited talk in the background, and knowing that youre on your way home. yeah well, as homey as singapore-land and a sparse rented room can get. to tell the truth, i was even pretty psyched to see my mum and sis waiting for me at the airport. which was.. kinda weird.

anyways. the ten days in korea were pretty awesome. got to meet alot of new people, make new friends, etc etc. and i think i need to get out more. i havent had so much human contact in like.. how long. yeah. my sisters think im pretty weird: i quite enjoy watching movies alone, watching people alone, hanging out alone, etc. and so the last few days of the trip were quite a stretch, really. *what am i doing with such a huge bunch of people!* but anyways, like the psuedo-inspirational post this is turning out to be, i had an awesome time and i guess hanging out with other people can be pretty much fun as well. yup. i might even start going for nusso practices on a semi-regular basis. awshum.

anywaysies, here goes a brief summary of the trip:
weird and wonderful food, blood sausage, takochi, ginseng chicken, lots of bibimbap, lots of not-so-wonderful food on the tour intinary (how the hell do you spell that anyways?), missing the last train back, uber-nice strangers, bitchy shop-keepers, rad graffity under the bridge, trying to catch harry potter but missing it, street after street of shopping, the oh-doesnt-this-look-familiar palaces, the thrill of being in the dmz, wishing we're able to be in north korea, hanging out and wandering the streets late at night, playing random fair-games, finding out that clubs in korea arent exactly one would expect in singapore, taking damn alot of section photos, walking the quaint streets of insadong, always making the two really nice friends-on-exchange wait here and there for us, learning the words for no pork, scratching our heads over the a-little-too-indirect marketing techniques over there, koping free packets of face masks and facial cotton, finding face shop and etude house practically everywhere, losing the tour guide far ahead of us, doing the lien pose, getting to know people i dont remember meeting one sem ago even though i feel like i must have, and so on.

as they say, pictures tell a thousand words. but i uhh, havent uploaded any yet. soon?

2009-07-11T01:10:00.002+08:00

oh dear. im getting rather worried. after getting over the whole OMG IM NOT GOING TO GET TO PLAY, ive realised that shit im gonna spend five days with people i barely know. we're gonna like have to move in groups and all. oh god, i was never made to be a social creature. i kinda enjoy camps and stuff... but its kinda like a test of my human-interaction-endurance? im starting to feel slightly freaked.

2009-07-10T23:07:00.002+08:00

i guess sometimes it takes reminding that "supporting a cause" is more than reading articles, nodding emphatically in agreement, engaging in the random conversation about said topic, then going on with one's life. institutionalised distrust is needed to protect the spirit of democracy but there is a difference between institutionalised distrust and paternalistic government. i was reading cavalierio and am now feeling considerably chastened. =( we say, no correction. I SAY, i will support the opposition and vote for them, but in the same breath say that its a lost cause. that is bad. BAD, GAIL, BAD. yes indeed,

INTERRUPTED FOR SOME BAD NEWS. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.

oh god, this is so bad. just got a call from a nusso person saying that *gasp* the world choir thingthing that we are participating in is being cancelled. omfg. i know. like wth, gail. you said a few days ago that it felt frivolous to be playing such stuff again. i knowwwwww.... *whinewhinewhine* but hor, the more you play it, the less and less frivolous it gets. and, i dunno. i was really excited to be playing this stuff at the last rehearsal. you know, last reheaersal and all. not that i dont still miss notes and theres this whole section that i know i totally still cannot play and etc etc etc. but yeah. anyways, id like to say, the people in charge here are nusso are a real hardworking and on-the-ball bunch of people who are like scrambling best as they can to find accommodations as i type. while i uhh, sit here blogging and reading their msn conversation. THANKS ALOT GUYS. im sure well come up with something heh. but im still miffed that i dont get to play. darn.

2009-07-08T03:32:00.003+08:00

okay omg. like, omg. for those of you who have seen me fairly recently (aka in the past two months), you might have noticed that i got a hair extension on my right? the weird thing is, ive been sitting here in front of the com at home (yes im back again tonight) and *drumroll* it got cut off. like, wth? suddenly i saw this bunch of hair on the table and wtf, theres my hair extension! granted, ive been thinking for a super long time that it looks really weird, and totally not like real hair, let alone my hair. but when i modify a part of my body, i kinda expect it to stay modified? like my tongue hole. hell please dont close on me again? pretty please? and it kinda does beg the question: WHODUNNIT? it wasnt my sis cos i woke her up and she was really pissed i woke her up for such a thing. my dad? ??? i subconsciously cut it off? or... someone/thing else? *gasp*

anyways, check this out. really really rad. 0.49++ 1.16++ the whole backward sequence omggg. 1.33++ i am now officially a fan of sonia tayeh. woots. her other work is pretty cool too. just like how i found mia michaels powder puff dress dance so awshum. AWESOME. hmm. could it be that im becoming a nerdfighter? increase awesomeness and decrease worldsuck! huzzah! anyways. the only drawback on watching bite sized sytycd episodes is that cos its a dance competition the need to be uhh, virtuosic, for the lack of a better word, dominates the choreography too much? although who am i to say huh.

HENNYWAYS. heres a rather insightful snapshot of society of which some parts i really feel for. firstly, the ease at which people can obtain permanent residency here. according to a malaysian friend, you can obtain your pr by going for courses/getting certification from some organisation. its some governmental organisation i cant remember what for the life of me. as a friend, i say, if getting this pr thing helps you out (all the perks and all) then by all means, AWESOME, im glad for you. its not my money to spend anyways. well not yet. not quite a tax payer yet. although if i try incite some kinda nationalistic fervour from deep within, its rather worrying, isnt it? just what does belonging to singapore mean, if it can be that easy to like be a member of this country/state. i mean like, a six month course? really? then what really determines whether you can become a singaporean pr is whether you have the time and money to attend/go through these things? =/ (NOT VERIFIED: HOW EASY IS IT REALLY TO BECOME A SG PR?)

and number two. from the comments, the minimum wage. or the conspicuous lack of it. and how this affects the working conditions of the working class. without minimum wage, it will always be more attractive to hire foreigners, who have the benefit of exchange rates. for many its a earn money and go home kinda thing. well, at least for one of my colleagues here where i work. there is absolutely no pressure to improve working conditions because positions like front-line service staff and (im assuming) factory workers, there is a significant turnover rate. so long as there are people hungry enough to forego a chance of developing their species being, companies are not going to see the need to move employee benefits up on the priority list. and those who are caught out are the singaporeans who have to continue living long-term with the high costs over here. and for those who do not have the benefit of education and have to work in these jobs, things like retraining and stuff are just out of the question cos of the need to work shifts. ah well.

TROIS. the call for change here within singaporean politics. personally, im quite skeptical of the idea that a political tsunami a la malaysia will happen anytime soon. that being said, if given the chance i will definitely definitely vote opposition. going by the belief that no big changes are going to be seen anytime soon, if people in my constituency somehow decide to vote opposition as well (if we even get the chance huh), there are still like how many seats in parliament la can. i think previously 48? but what with all the changes and all i dont really know where the count lies any longer. ANYWAYS. i just enjoy rooting for the underdog hahaha. so much for "majoring" in political science. (psst! apparently, most people cant give good reasons policywise why theyre voting a certain way either?) so please please dont call for election so soon okay? lemme turn 21 first! =)

anywaysies, a major life change is coming up soon, what with the quitting of abovementioned job with less-than-desirable pay when schools starts. and so i guess its back to the society that ive grown up in. going for trips, the privilege of higher education, splurging splurging splurging (relatively la) and so on. although i am really quite looking forward to it? going to korea, playing the bass. but it feels kinda strange now actually, the whole making music thing, not taking into account the fact that i havent done this in half a year. but it just feels a little.. frivolous? ah wells. ANYWAYS. in order to like, not get to lost in this frivolous other world, im gonna go backpacking the next hols huzzah! no details down yet so.. anyones free to jump in. kinda thinking of going vietnam during the one-week hols to get the feel of backpacking then doing the rest of SEA during the month-long one at the end of the year. well maybe not malaysia though. ive kinda seen enough of it in my lifetime.

yup. i guess these six months at four leaves have been a wonderful enriching enlightening experience. ive learnt alot, well not really what youd call 'useful' in the future, like how to manage a store, or how to bake and stuff. but its been really eye-opening to just see the different lifestyles there are out there. i just feel like ive been too protected and too lucky and too everything else. and im truly grateful for how accepting theyve all been. i can only imagine if i were them, i might actually begrudge someone whos had it so much easier? and so these past days have been (and will continue to be?) bittersweet. yeahh.. the other person whos quitting, ill see her at work for the last time on thurs. darn. so well. thanks you guys, even if youre probably not gonna read this. the only reason i wish i werent going to korea is because then id have more time to spend with you guys before school reopens. and i know continuing here and schooling at the same time just isnt possible. i know what with the nature of life, its gonna be a challenge to stay together and all. so just... thanks.

for all the suppers and growing fat togethers, mutual grumblings at the supervisors bad moods, da zhang periods, getting the most out of the least effort, walking home with ah ma, trying to plan off-days together so we can go out together, the bunches of laughs, the i dunno.. everything. i dunno. i think the sum of is simply greater than all the parts. maybe because the change of lifestyle/the way i do everything changed when i started work here? cos i really dont know why im getting so damn emotional over this bunch of awesome people. i know it doesnt sound like much. yeah i just had a job that had sucky pay. that took up too much time. it was more than that somehow. its been my life for the past six months, more than school, more than friends, more than family. i dont know how to say goodbye. just.. THANK YOU. big hug to you all.

2009-06-28T02:31:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTkp9UqVVHs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVNLVJsdolI&feature=channel

2009-06-28T00:48:00.003+08:00

two days ago i arrived at work and people were saying: xinyaaa. ni de ou xian si le. or ni de peng you si le! huhh? well yeah im sure everyone has heard by now, mj's dead. well i didnt grow up listening to his songs, but it sure is kinda sad. why? because i believe everyone deserves second chances. and thirds. and fourths. and however many they need doled out to them. although i havent quite figured out how and where all these chances are supposed to come from. although actually, thats not the only reason why its sad. it reminded me of the hot approaches to the study of religion lecturer who once mentioned mj although i cant remember for what reason. yup. hot in a older-guy kinda way. not to mention whose modules were more interesting than the usual. *gasp* i actually took two modules under the guy! eye candy twice a week! haha no, i assure you, it was not on purpose. but anyways. i screwed one of those two modules anyway, so yeah. thats whats supposed to be sad.

i also encountered the now-strange and unfamiliar concept of friends forever over the last couple of days. one of my colleagues asked me: xinyaa... do you think we can be friends forever? i dont think so lehh... or something to that effect. i havent entertained this thought seriously since.. what. secondary school i think? when we were all friends are friends forever, if the lords the lord of them and omg we're so gonna keep in touch. when the truth is we're all gonna be everywhere, trying to live the thing called life. when sometimes the efforts we made to keep in touch seemed in vain because.. i dunno. differences suddenly seem so big compared to the previous shared similarities? haha qi, do you know what im talking about? to all friends of mine out there, thanks for being there when you have been, thanks for the laughter and for the tears and other cliched words that come after that. but lets not talk about forever, or when we grow up alright? why plan for forever when we have now? why worry if we'll still be talking to each other when we "grow up" when we still can:
bum around at each others places, exchange sarcarstic jokes at each others expense, forever remininsce over those studying days which im sure werent actually that study-filled afterall, go to all the trouble of getting into a club (well, not always) just to enjoy a few hours of oblivion, sit around some poolside drinking and talk rubbish until somebody starts falling asleep, kill zombies on wii in the wee hours of the night (and getting killed more often than not), make plans for making money which.. uhh. havent as yet come to fruition, asking "gail how come you never reply my msg!?", go for picnics in the botanic gardens, make lame jokes and fool around when the supervisor isnt around, make plans and dream about the future (ah well, it always comes back round to this sooner or later), make things other than plans, like music, and the rare cookie or muffin, whine and complain about this or that and so on.

although sometimes i do wonder. if i dont believe in lifelong friendship, am not sure about the existance of something greater than i am, dont believe in romanctic love other than as a series of chemical reactions, have no idea where in society im supposed to fit myself into, then what the hell do i believe in? i think therefore i am isnt enough. it isnt enough to simply exist, is it?

okay now time for me to lose myself in youtube.

2009-06-17T00:13:00.003+08:00

OMG IS BRIAN VIGLIONE REALLY WITH WORLD INFERNO FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY. oh my tian. my two favourite cabaret-influenced thingthings/people getting together?!?!? hahaha. i am so glad im back home and plugged into the internet. wifs and dresden dolls? ohhh my goooodddd. I WANT TO SEE THEM LIVE.

2009-06-08T13:54:00.002+08:00

as some people might know, i got into a tiff with my landlord about a week ago. okay. tiff sounds too nice. i dont really know what to call it. the whole bringing-a-ba-zhang into a muslim house, i-dont-even-want-to-talk-to-you-lets-just-communicate-through-the-agent thing. okay. so never mind. we have our differences, ill be staying on for a little while, i try to stay out of your way, i try to be civil whenever i bump into anyone of the household. but today tops the cake. usually i stay in the room when theres somebody in the house. especially when shes in the house. but i had to go out what. anyways. i said hi. and i asked if shed prefer if i moved out asap or the end of the month. but her replies sounded as if she thought i wasnt fit to like, i dunno. talk to her or something. in other words, i was very offended. not by what she said but by her tone. ive never been offended by anyones tone before. at least not that i can remember. god, do you have to be such a bitch? so much for strict observance of prayer times and food restrictions and uber-long headscarfs. (i really hope im not crossing the line between ranting and being anti-religious here)

but seriously. would it hurt to be civil? by golly, thats what i tried to do when we were kinda talking before things went sour. she was talking about how islam allows polygamy (but only multiple wives, never multiple husbands) then i asked how about multiple husbands? she was like: of course not! which religion in the world allows you to have multiple husbands?! No 1, of course there are. except they are far and few the minority. (or, at least im sure there are..... paiseh.) No 2, why on earth would we need religion to give us the mandate on what to do? stop degrading yourself already! No 3, whattttt... you mean you dont have an inkling on feminist pride in you..? if i had been reading that online or in a book, i would have laughed out loud. like, LOL. but i was being nice and tolerant and respectful to the best of my abilities okay. i kept my mouth shut. im sorry okay. i brought the ba zhang into your house. I AM SORRY. but acting like a bloody bitch is insane. just like you dont expect yourself to take people who believe that you cant eat say, carrots, because the elf in their garden says so, and who take offence if people eat carrots in front of them, seriously, its a little trying when my landlord who was previously all smiles and i-am-such-a-nice-landlord becomes all oh-you-mortal-sinner-not-worth-being-civil-to-ish. i mean, i even read/heard somewhere that the pork thing is in the quran because of some pig disease in that time or something? =/

anyways. i read i quote somewhere recently that said something like: atheists are always talking about religion. yeah i know. it sometimes feels like that too. i dont wanna be a single issue person either. but you cant help but feel the need for some consciousness-raising on the part of the rest of the world. i mean, how can all the other religious people go about their stuff with such an air of legitimacy while we have to say quietly oh, you know, actually... i dont believe in any god.... *shrugshrug* and im not even an atheist. more like a... how do you put it. agnostic. maybe even a theistic agnostic. or a.. humanist?

2009-05-04T23:27:00.002+08:00

today my dad gave me a lift back from work. again. after buying me supper he gave me four hundred bucks. again. he technically gave me already for may in the last week of april. which was more than he gave me each month after i moved out. i know, i know. what the hell is the point of moving out and then still accepting money from your parents?! but if youre faced with eating hostel breakfast, going hungry the whole day and koping bread from work at night. or maybe treating yourself to lunch in school. or the option of accepting the money and live comfortably. damn. im sorry to say i took a dent in my pride and whatever else that came with it, and took the money. because, seriously. i tried okay. i tried this period of time to live on less than three bucks a day. which is possible, technically. cai fan with two veg one meat is only $2.20 in nus. my colleagues thought i was weird, suddenly eating so much bread. but its so fucking hard, do you know that? people reading this on your computers. do you have any idea how hard it is to live in poverty? god, i dont even want to imagine what it must be like to be born poor. to not have a choice. to go hungry for months on end.

i cant believe how easy it is for us to just simply go about our daily lives, oblivious to the hardship that other people face. cla, if youre reading this, its as much for you as for anyone else. remember that long talk we had, about helping people and stuff, in your room? no, its not necessary to go through what they go through in order to help them. yes, its possible to make a difference of the less fortunate without having to experience what it is like to be less fortunate. because you (and i) will never know the systemic problems that these people face. yes, it looks damn good on paper. i can technically survive on three bucks a day but why the hell dont i? because its too damn hard. i suppose there are people who actually manage this in singapore but i guess im not one of them. so whenever i hear things like dunno what government assistance handout thingthing has been raised by such and such little and they make it sound like WOW OMG. THAT IS LIKE SUCH A DAMN LOT OF DIFFERENCE. WE'RE DIGGING REALLY DEEP INTO THE COFFERS HERE. i think like, wth. yeah sure. you can technically survive on that help. but technically isnt gonna help get you through today to tomorrow. technically isnt going to tide you over unseen costs. technically isnt gonna let you eat comfortable meals. technically is what you get when people who dont know what its like try to imagine what its like and obviously having no experience at all in the matter, fall terribly short because all the experience they have is from balancing budgets and we sure dont want want any budget deficit, do we?

anyways. there are people who pretend to understand this whole work-study thing. and then there are people who really do understand. and then theres my dad. who not only understands, hes managed to do it successfully. but has never once said before: its okay, i understand. but he does things like give me money. and gave me maggi mee. you dont freaking know how welcome maggi mee is until youve tried eating and eating it until youre so sick of the taste because your pay hasnt come in yet and you spurged on like, mcdonalds during the week. or a cab ride cos you were gonna be late. or paying your library fine from last year if not you cant do any of your readings. and its time like this when i feel like im doing such a freaking loser job of being a good daughter. yeah i know i act like i dont care. i pretend to myself i dont care. hell, sometimes doublethink is so successful i really believe i dont care. but it sucks that im not what they wanted me to be, alright? it sucks that im not a freaking guai gia. and its times like this that i get the feeling i used to get occassionally during discover jesus week in school (see, religion as according to durkheim, performs certain functions and can eventually be replaced with secular things which perform the same functions). like omg. im forgiven. omg, i dont deserve this. omg somebody loves me unconditionally. and so on. (haha thats why i never trust these so-called religious urges when they hit.) anyways. so, yeah.

2009-05-04T01:52:00.002+08:00

omg. looking at videos on the eogm, i cannot help but feel damn super excited. like. this, is singapore?!? although i do feel rather sorry for them. it must have been a hell of a day for the so-called old guard.

2009-05-03T01:55:00.002+08:00

I AM REALLY PROUD OF WHAT HAPPENED TODAY AT SUNTEC. it was a pity i couldnt be there, but apparently the aware eogm was pretty intense. i suppose it goes to show that singaporeans do care about certain things after all. who says apathy runs in all of us? and that given large enough numbers and the right conditions, there is hope for us in terms of becoming a participative civic society. even to the extent of holding peaceful protests and all. just give us the right situation, pap. no more one-party dominance! (hopefully in my lifetime though)

anyways. there are friends, and there are friends. some ask you out to club. others ask you out to study. and then there are those who msg you "gail! want to club tonight?" and then when you call them after work and ask them if theyre really clubbing tonight, they say of course! can you hear the music in the background? and nono. go and study. like, wth? i feel like laughing at the absurdity of it all, but then i remember my clubbing craving that hasnt been sated and its not all that funny after all. i guess im grateful in a way. if he hadnt said go and study id have gone sth like: omg where are you! and cabbed all the way down to change and cabbed to wherever again, sorta regretting it half the way, had an awesome time for a couple of hours, and then sorta regretting it again the next day. but damn. whats with the: yeah, cant you hear the music? *pout*

2009-05-02T10:24:00.002+08:00

omg. evanescence is so good at being goth-influenced without going too deep into that stuff. lurves.

2009-04-29T16:02:00.002+08:00

oh. my. god. really. check this out. before i head off for work i really have to post this up. i dont know how long this will last on youtube but i have to at least paste a link here anyway. (haha still dunno how to embed) do you know who john safran is? hes this highly intelligent guy whos very, very cynical about religion. ive watched short snippets of his john safran vs god thing on youtube and its been one of my longstanding favourites, same with dr who. hes tried out almost every religion thats possible. well im sure there are more, but sure does sound like a hell of a lot. hes so cynical he even has one done on atheists. which i thought was pretty rad. BUT LOOK WHAT I FOUND ON YOUTUBE TODAY. omg. you have to watch this. for anyone remotely interested in religion. not because it doesnt happen all the time, no. because its john safran. i didnt know this was all filmed in 2004, super long ago. but man. i just wanted to hug him. yes, the satirical smartass that he is. john safran being exorcised was nothing like the usual him. the closest ive seen him being affected by any of the religions that he came into contact with was when we confessed to wanking in a priest's/pastor's bed when he was younger. but this one was the sickest shit ever. although i guess it cant beat going all the way to the phillipines and getting crucified this month huh. some people never do learn. oh but i do admire him though. hell yeah, i do.

2009-04-28T01:50:00.001+08:00

whoo! and alex au is back blogging again!

2009-04-28T00:16:00.005+08:00

hahaha omgz. this article was made for me. and for all females out there with feminist leanings and yet find it alluring that a guy offers to pay, goes out of the way, that kinda thing. *ahemahem* haha jessie does that mean you as well?

anyways. it really sucks when you have to fight a war and still you fall short of the target by a hundred, two hundred or sometimes god forbid, even three hundred dollars. a little bird told me that subways's running cost was $XX a month. omfg! thats the amount we earned in april last year! wth! but psst! lemme tell you sth k? although we're not hitting our target, we're still managing something like a 5% growth as compared to april last year! so.. huzzah? like the transport companies, i think well probably do quite okay currently, what with the cuts in company cpf and all. are there any other things that gov is doing huh? im not too sure.

anyways. the war. they call it da zhang when theres a long queue that really persists even though you're working at mazimum speed, with two people at the cashier. this can last anywhere between 15 minutes and over and hour. believe me, fifteen minutes may not sound like much, but 900s of not stop packing and/or collecting money is not something to be trifled with. especially not with an error margin to the tune of 0.057143%. how did i calculate that, you may ask. accepted excess/shortage divide by weekday target multiplied by 100%. that figure goes even slimmer on sundays. by 8 pm daily we average over 700 unique transactions, minimum.

so dont come calling us from jurong and asking: hey, wei she mo hit bu dao target huh? (area manager, thats you i was referring to) you know, i read an adam khoo book (for free during lunch hours at popular hehehe) and he says that only the top 10% of businesses in any given sector are thriving and making all the big bucks. the middle are struggling to be the money-making ones. and the rest are just plain losing money. anywaysies. same thingo. during our peak periods, the so-called da zhang times, are the ones where the till is ringing non-stop, and we do our damned best to clear the queue. hahaha can i be a bit buay pai seh and say that im getting pretty darned fast at this cashiering thingthing. woots. although im not very good at chu-ing mian bao heh. =/

so anyways. a really big portion of our earnings come during the da zhang period. and do you know the real reason why we are not hitting our targets, not just bukit panjang plaza but across the various outlets? its because your marketing people suck, jurong. yeah, the moolah comes in during the peak periods. we do our damned best to keep people from walking away by keeping the queue moving as quickly as possible. but what about the other times huh. whatever brisk business we do during those times are quickly eroded by the times where its super bo lang and we say: "wah, hen sian horh. jing tian hen man." what do you expect us to do. shout "lai, mian bao you offer, lai" just like mei zhen xiang next door and ruin our slightly upmarket-er image?

so before you come calling our outlet and asking why we arent hitting our targets, make sure youre doing your job first. you can start by making sure you have a proper marketing department in place. not one which produces ameteur looking posters for us to hang up. ever wondered why breadtalk seems more popular? (other than the taste of the bread) the adam khoo book said that there are a few ways to increase what you rake in each month. 1) increase the % of customers who walk into your shop and make a purchase rather than walk away. 2) increase the amount each customer spends. 3) increase the number of people who walk into your shop. we're holding down the fort on nos one and two and make the customer experience the best we can manage. you just do your job on number three, marketing department. oh wait. do we even have a marketing department? gee, sometimes i just aint sure.

anywaysies. i was really wondering if i should go for that nusso trip to korea. i mean like. i havent touched a bass, felt a vibration, stepped into a concert hall, or even touched a key (okay not this one haha. just added it for effect). but yeah well, you get the drift. and it sucks i know. but that was what i was willing to pay for my freedom and so-called childhood dream and well we've all moved on i suppose.

last saturday i was kidnapped home by my mother who offered to "fetch me back to the hostel".
yeah well i suppose i didnt quite mind. the choirboys was showing on tv. it was like the first time in a damn long time that i felt goosebumps. yes, through a tv screen. yes, even though my mother was making a running commentary on every damn thing and trying to make it as educational an experience as possible for the little one. like: "how do know the movie is set long ago?" apparently because they used coal or wood for hot baths. how do you know? you look at their clothes, thats what! who on earth wears that nowadays? i suppose that maybe... maybe the whole goosebumps thing was.. *gasp* sign? hahaha. oh lookie now, ive gone all superstitious. but hell. just the other day i dreamt of my piano teacher saying he didnt wanna teach me no more because i didnt practice. damn.

anyways. i guess its a chance to get back in (slight?) touch with all this thingthings again. although ive no idea how the other nusso members would react to me like disappearing and just reappearing? especially the bass people. i mean there arent any other bassists going (hence the last ditch effort in getting me to go), but surely id still be rehearsing with them. damn. i wish i have more foresight than to abruptly end things that i begin. or at least end them in a decent manner. so i msged my parents. to see their reaction. and because 1) not subsidized 2) not for credit (i mean like, wth? for credit? if it were for credit id run even further away fm the trip), my dad said. nuh-uh. bad idea. haha i guess that did make up my mind though. i suppose im going. working out my off-days to coincide with rehearsals are going to be crazy and raising the cash is gonna even crazier still. im sorry sheares hall, your $1230+ is going to go unpaid for still some more months. i was going to pay it next month but.......

haha anyways. its been damn long since ive blogged properly. feels damn good la can. even though this one was kinda ranty hehe. =)

2009-04-24T23:42:00.004+08:00

omgomgomg, this playlist is totally what im talking about. it is so.. i dunno. such a european thing? =S i dunno how to appreciate. whereas this, is totally what you could club to. haha although if the person who created it were a dj, i wouldnt go back to the place again haha. so mishymashy.

anyways, you know the whole aware thing going on? i cant really be bothered about the goings-on and all, like i dont really care about what they do and all even though its an organisation thats supposed to be looking out for my interests as well since im female and all. or at least, didnt care. but how can a person who claims to be the 'feminist mentor' of the organisation say things like "Are we going to have an entire generation of lesbians?" and then say that they are not anti-homosexual? i mean, come on. just look at the tone of that. okay fine. subjective. "Dr Thio said she went on to discover that in Aware’s comprehensive sexuality education programme, which is taken to schools, homosexuality is regarded as a neutral word, not a negative word." what about this. assuming accurate reporting, she clearly views homosexuality in a negative light. i mean, seriously. if youre no against homosexuality, then why in the world you you have a problem with viewing it in a neutral light?

source: theonlinecitizen

2009-04-23T00:00:00.002+08:00

okays i suppose its time to get my act together. and hes right i guess. to keep on moving is better than to stop and continue wallowing in.. whatever you call it. darn. he is better than ann robers. maybe just marginally (am i just being prejudiced against the whole profession or what), but better i suppose. haha. maybe like self-help books, effectiveness is determined by how much you believe in it. i used to think that self-help books were for suckers though. so im not sure how that translates into anything.

anyways, i think theres a difference between hip hop inspired lyrical dance and lyrical hip hop. although the universal term seems to be lyrical hip hop. but theyre like so different la can. and both are like distilled versions of hip hop itself? stripped from much of the cultural context that it arose from. i remember reading some article in ST by some art person from either nafa or laselle last year or something saying how like now that graffiti has become more mainstream and these graffiti artists now have avenues to express themselves legally, this form of art isnt exactly the same as it was before. the whole element of subversion, of going against what is accepted in order to express yourself is gone. yeah sure, you may have the same stylistic features, the same influences, but the character of the pieces created will surely be different. you cannot take an art form out of its original social context and expect it to remain the same. i guess ditto with all those stylised dances and all? they sure werent the same after chopin and all. (hahaha, i hope im not like totally crapping all this up though) i mean, yeah well, theyre beautiful and all. but some of the original oomph has been lost. like the hip hop we see on mtv is most certainly different from how it orinigally came about in the streets?

you know its amazing how much we're (okay fine at least i am) influenced by american culture when we've never even set foot in the country. like how we club to hip hop/rnb and not trance. or club rather than go to some ktv pub thingthing. how the movies we watch are all hollywood-minted. (again, perhaps its just me but i dont watch chinese films) the rare occasional british movie illicits a "omg that is so english" kinda reaction in me. not to mention the sprinkling of foreign films. ie. others. although american and chinese should technically be called foreign films as well?

whoo. the supervisor is back. thank god for that. id never have imagined i would say that. goodbye days of being understaffed and overworked! =)

ps. jessie, the porno guy is in haha.

2009-04-16T01:12:00.001+08:00

i seriously need to do something meaningful with my life. correction: stick with something meaningful. arghies.

2009-04-13T00:06:00.002+08:00

omg. this is where pleasure = pain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yJJpjgCH3Q

so beautiful. =((

2009-04-09T00:43:00.000+08:00

omg, if i imagine hard enough i can still smell the tequila.

2009-04-08T23:54:00.002+08:00

im sorry. do i annoy you? fuck, if i had a choice i wouldnt be sitting back here either alright. okay yeah. everything is a choice. i just chose to not do anything about the essay and so here i am, rushing it out on your computer. or at least pretending to. i havent even started on the research yet. what a bum.

got shit drunk on monday. cant say im proud of it, but yeah well. now i know where my limit is. haha. never try to shoot a bottle of tequila with just one other person. i suppose its one of those things in life that just happens, either sooner or later. BUT IM REALLY REALLY GRATEFUL TO ONE AWESOME FRIEND. i know it must have been one hell of a night for you. that being said, lets just see how long this staying sober thing lasts. liver, liver, you do know i love you, dont you? anyways, i realised that i dont just need to drink. i need to club. maybe all that says is that i need to excercise. yeah maybe huh. pe seems so long ago.

im in the process of.. exploring existentialist issues. if anyone would care to help, or has any insight as to the meaning of life, please do let me know.

anywaysies. recently we have been superbly understaffed at work. like seriously. and we're looking set to get even worse. the other twenty year old working there quit. she cut her hand while slicing bread and was pissed when she heard they werent gonna pay her for her dunno. seven days of mc? i thought it was really such a waste. she has a kid to feed dammit. and her frigging husband-to-be's in jail. like wth are you thinking, woman? do you think that our dear supervisor is going out of her way to get compensation for you after you foist a staffing problem on her (and by extension all the other full-timers)?! do you frigging think people enjoy working full shift two days in a row, and then going back to do calculations of lost sales? damn. your company was the one that i enjoyed the most at work alright? the craziest person, the person who laughs while mopping the floor until the mop handle breaks, the person who started the whole digging the sausages out of the leftover buns to eat thing, and even bringing them home to cook, the person who called me sua gu, the one who asked: "left one more is it? no space? no space give me lorh." and proceeded to pop the bun into her mouth. and i dont even have your number. (not that id know what to say) or a picture with you. freakk.

all that being said, i went kboxing with all the rest recently (before this whole quitting thing took place) and im really really touched at how inclusive they are. like omg. we are so.. different. and yet you say im "zi ji ren"? haiz. i feel bad that im thinking of quitting after july. caixia some more say, work here until you graduate lah. liang nian hen kuai de. but im growing bored alreadyy..... =(

2009-03-31T12:10:00.002+08:00

talking to qi yesterday realised something. i dont have a like long-term goal/vision. im just.. waiting waiting waiting.... all my goals are short-term. and this morning when i woke up it was with a realisation of why. i didnt/dont expect myself to last till then. and i guess thats really sad/pathetic. my expected lifespan is stopping me from i guess, achieving what can be. its one thing to have others give up on you but totally another to give up on yourself. yeah. ill try to get outta this with or without help (from shrinks).

2009-03-29T02:09:00.001+08:00

shit. my tooth is getting seriously chipped. should stop playing with the darn thing.

2009-03-27T04:54:00.003+08:00

taken from singaporean skeptic:
(bolds added in for emphasis)

I have just finished reading Malcolm Gladwell's outliers. It is an intriguing book that asserts that a person's environment is a very significant factor in determining future success. The most intriguing idea he has is that minor advantages that are conferred by blind chance are amplified by so-called meritocratic systems.

He gives the example of Canadian Junior Hockey League. Canada is a country that is crazy over ice hockey. Every year, young boys try out for junior hockey league and if they are good enough, they progress on to the next level and so on. This keeps going until they reach the professional league, if they are good enough. Those who are less successful drop out along the way. On the surface, this seems like a meritocratic system based on ability except for a startling fact. Most of the professional players are born near the beginning of the year. If you look at the birthdays of the professional players, very few are born in December.

Why is this so? The explanation given in the book is that the junior league is organised according to age group. Those born in the same year are grouped together. On the surface, this seems fair except for the fact that a 5 year old is much bigger than a 4 year old. Yes, that's the physical difference between a child born on January 1st and another born on December 31st in the same year. The older child would be bigger, have better motor skills and be deemed as more talented by the coach.

So what happens to the 'talented' child who is spotted by the coach? He gets to play in more competitions to improve his skills while the smaller less 'talented' child gets sidelined. This extra exposure and training widens the advantages the older child already has and it keeps doing so over time. So you have a system that doesn't reward innate ability but blind chance.

I see this happening in our education system as well. Let us look at the gifted program in Singapore. It is a program administered towards primary school children deemed gifted by the ministry of education. How do they find these gifted children? They administer a Maths and English test to all primary school children to weed them out from the 'normals'.

This test is flawed because not all children are given the same outside advantages. Some are from lower income family. Some are born in December... There are just so many outside factors that would prevent one from doing well. This test is flawed, it doesn't test talent. It is too early to do so. At best, it test precociousness. At worst, it tests a child's personal fortune.

So what happens to the gifted child? He gets more opportunities compared to the normal child. Firstly, the government spends more money on his education, I have heard from some sources that it is about 7 times the amount spent on a normal student. He gets more encouragement to explore his interest, speak up and becomes more aware of the opportunities available to him.

In contrast, a normal child is discouraged from questioning his teacher and made to study in a less stimulating environment. So whatever advantages that were conferred by blind chance becomes amplified by the education system over the years.

It is not just the GEP program. Whenever there is streaming, there would be similar problems. We would also see this in the streaming of Special, Express, Normal and Normal Technical students.

That is why most of our scholars live in private property and I wouldn't be surprised if most of them were born in the first half of the year. It would be fine if the damage done by our meritocratic system is limited to our education system. This misguided practice is carried on to the civil service and statuary boards where you have government scholars sent to the top (by the system) and eventually becoming our political masters.

The sad thing about our meritocratic system is that it produces people who feel that they got to the top based on their ability. This assumes that one's academic ability translates to an ability to govern. It is obviously flawed and the reason for the arrogance we see in our leaders.

Even sadder, those who need the help the most are given less help than those who need it the least.

For a country that says it values talent, it sure knows how to squander it.

sigh. does anyone see now why i feel guilty for even making it to uni? yeah i know its no reason/excuse to do badly. and the idea that yeahyeah, you know, you can work hard, when you "succeed" then you can do something to help others not the other way round, doesnt stop the dice of life from sucking. because yes its true. you can see the contrast in the lives of people around you. friends who think that they made it (and probably will make it to the upper echelons of goodness knows where) because of sheer hard work and determination, oh and perhaps a sprinkling of talent here and there. and well.. friends whose chances of making it to the higher rungs of whatever theyre climbing because of.. perhaps life chances? the 20 year colleague of mine is certainly not stupid. why then is she not in your place, or mine? life chances?

maybe there should be some statistic thingy done. you know, like average household income, how many breadwinners, etc of students in uni and compare it with countrywide (nearly said nationwide but then.. hmm. never mind. i wont do the state's nation building (state building?) job for them) in my last ps2249 tutorial this week, the tutor brought up a really interesting point which really surprised me. he never struck me as.. you know. one to go outside the prescribed questions to talk about for the week.

we were talking about the electoral system in singapore, and about the grcs, and the racial quota thingos. how here, its called quota. he compared this to the us' education dunno what. where they help minorities get into unis. theres a minimum, but no maximum no of minorities. whereas here, the floor functions as the ceiling as well. i know cannot really compare lah, but just drawing parallels i guess. maybe there should be something of the sort. if we really hold true to the claim that we are a multiracial nation, then any committee (or a committee by any other name) thats set up to specifically look into improving educational prospects shouldnt go by race any more. perhaps it should go by income, or something like that. okay. maybe not committee. maybe the right word is scheme. hahaha. *thinks of the episode of mrbrownshow* its damn farnee lah. as well as super retarded.

oh god. i just got hit by a big dream/idea. omgomgomg. but first i have to become a teacher. *squirms* according to the book right, to become really good at something, you first have to spend 10 000 hours practising it. and for the big dream, i suppose that includes teaching. i dont even know whether its feasible or not. does it go against any.. i dunno. anything?

2009-03-22T00:53:00.000+08:00

this is the most asinine blogpost ive read in a long time. maybe make that ever.

2009-03-20T17:17:00.001+08:00

oh godd.

2009-03-16T15:50:00.002+08:00

escapisms the name of the game.

come on, why cant you face it.

(haha err, like a man?)

2009-03-16T15:50:00.001+08:00

escapisms the name of the game.

come on, why cant you face it.

(haha err, like a man?)

2009-03-16T00:44:00.002+08:00

im starting to have this really grudging respect for my father. i have no idea how he managed to work, im not sure if two jobs, but he worked, and still managed to emerge tops in the whole business school. not just his major leh. like omg. here i am, taking one module less than normal in a pretty slack faculty to begin with, and im dying. like. dying. oh god. seriously peifu lah can. and hence comes the realisation that when he says that im "softer" or "weaker", i cannot disagree without lying. which.. sucks. i dont go about doing anything with a grim determination. hell, with any kind of determination. and self-control is almost like, nonexistant? i spent twenty bucks on second hand books today. i had 75 bucks for the rest of the month. now i have like.. thirty? that would never have happened to him. well..

2009-03-13T01:27:00.002+08:00

reading this, i had to take a couple of seconds to reflect uipon what exactly it is im looking for when i say/think things like god doesnt exist. i mean, what exactly is it that im wanting/expecting to hear when im so-called waiting for gods voice. something like i love you, child? its okay? i dunno. but i resent that. like wth? yeah life isnt what youd call a piece or cake sometimes. you might even say it sucks or whatever. but why do i frigging need a god to tell me that its alright. and who says i need saving by you anyways? okay lah, i admit that the above what mainly talking about the abrahamic god. hahaha. you know right they always seem to have some evangalical event going every now and then nus nus. like this is week is islamic awareness week or something? i picked up two books from the buddhist one. ive come to the conclusion thqt the buddhist philosophy is a noble one, but i just cant be bothered to follow it. ( i didnt actually finish them heh) its just too.. good. like wth? life would be boring? anyways. that day i stepped over this use ant trail, and i couldnt help but think. what if our god-man relationship were like that of ant to human? what then? does it scare you that you, pathetic man, aint the centre of the universe? that god has the ability to block out the sun, to feed you with ant poison, or to pour a bucket of water on top of your head if it strikes his fantasy? personally, id rather that theres no god to the uncaring god.

every week when i come back from my off-day, im just struck by the culture shock. the whole upper-middle classedness of life outside work is so happily revolving around itself. the halpeople so happily going about their fun-creating activities. the rest of school is a world away from work. my room itself is a room away from the world. then during the week things start to revolve around work, rather than school, especially when you take a look at my timetable and compare with my work schedule. qiyi, i totally get what you mean man.

the other day i had this really cool talk/debate with cla. i love how we have these once in a super long time. i came to see how the great thinkers have such differing views. im leaning more towards tylor while cla is more i dunno.. frazer? im not very sure. anyways. i didnt know i had such anthropological leanings. its like: yeah sure, based on theory and thought experiments its possible to come up with ways to help people and stuff. but it will never beat actually living the life in terms of allowing you to think of how to solve certain problems.

speaking of this, ive come to realise something very annoying about my own worldview. that im really actually quite ethnocentric. and im totally guilty of exoticizing different cultures. yeah. that especially. the reason why i want to travel and stuff is like: wooow. oh coool. look how different and how cool they are. i mean yeah, its awesome that it exites me. but eww. god. the whole exoticizing other cultures is so.. condescending. like the world missions society church of god "cult", the workplace, other countries that ive visited, people from other schools/upbringing/background, people in singapore from other countries. ya. you kinda get the idea. its horrible la can.

anyways. watched two harry potter movies in the past 48 hours. i completely forgot how i came to be in love with jk rowlings creations, and by extension all things fantastical. the whole magical escapism thingy. omg and a second hand book fair thingthing just arrived at bukit panjang plaza! oh no, the temptation. =( am attempting to spend an average of $2.50 a day leh. but its been so long since my eyes feasted on fiction. i tell you arh. its really been too long. yarh. like you know its reallyreally too long when your fingers no longer itch and ache to do something. sighs. oh wells. life is long. lets just see where everything goes huh. =(

ps. im finally learning teensy little bits of cantonese. something ji lei ma means i miss you. hahaha. omg OH YEAH. did you know that theres this baker who really likes to flirt? tsktsk.

2009-03-09T10:04:00.002+08:00

this is totally rocking hot. seriously, i think you cant just listen to dresden dolls. you must see them live. one day im totally going to. it was so funny lah can. they were totally going crazy there then she went and threw in the opening of coin operated boy. hahahar. coolios.

wearing the dunno-what-quality tongue stud from queensway. i was like talking talking at work then the ball bearing dropped out and went dunno where lah can. this ones bigger and im scared to play with it or bite it or anything cos its black. then the paint when i bought it can see is like not very even one. i scared arh, use china paint or anything, sure will swallow one. then err.. dunno if got any effects or not heh.

2009-03-06T15:21:00.000+08:00

oh dear. if my sister does well in the A level results released today, ill really be immortalised as "the bad one" in the family haha. that kinda sucks.

buttttt. i hope she does well larh. she deserves it.

2009-03-06T13:13:00.001+08:00

damn. im gonna have to miss the guest lecture on asean to finish the essay. =(

i find my procrastination quite horrible sometimes. yeah well, sometimes.

2009-03-06T12:51:00.001+08:00

wah, essay, chiongah.

2009-03-04T01:29:00.002+08:00

marx, marx, why must you do such things to our heads =( i am not content but i dont know what to do about it either. revolution, revolution! im more content with the sofa or the bed alrighty? now shut up and get out of my head.

you know its getting bad when you realise that all youre waiting for is the next high.

come on gail, get off that ass.

2009-03-02T15:25:00.003+08:00

hmmm.

-tattoo artist. hahaha. omg ill screw up other peoples skin! scaree.
-teacher. yeah well, i guess this was always on the cards. what with joining fass and all. it would be pretty cool i guess. until the exam stress sets in.
-wedding planner. haha. dunno who was joking about it when i mentioned it before. cos im like cynical about marriage and all. i mean yeah well, i wouldnt exactly be smirking and thinking "hmm, wonder how long theyll last" while the happy couple goes walking down the aisle right. or would i.
-social escort. hmm. no figure huh.
-tourist guide. must be damn high and enthu all the time. and about.. singapore? oooh lookie here. thats the merlion! a national pseudo-icon that we all can identify with. because well.. its a fish-lion thingy! and it spouts water! whoo hoo!
-reporter. i must admit, the whole idea of being paid to discover how things really are is quite an attractive one. thanks to the guest lecturer in nm2220. but then hor.. i have some qualms about joining sph leh. and.. if you wanna go into journalism, i really dont think fass cnm department is really the best place to learn how to do it. somehow having people who only produce content for singapore, and get their journalism skills from sph's inhouse school making up most of the faculty, and having everything micro-graded turns me off.
-professional blogger. hahaha. what can i write that thousands of people wanna read. go the way of xiaxue?! *blinkblink*
-entrepreneur. YAH. OF COURSE I WANT LAH. but easier said than done. 1) no money 2) still waiting for the big idea to happen.
-property agent. not 21 yet. and im not sure if i have to gift of the gab. this is no small deal k. its asking people to part with their super hard earned savings. and to take on a loan that will probably take them most of their working lives to repay. =( very jia lat one leh. although if successful can make big bucks lah.
-speaking about big bucks. one of those financial dunno-what people. yesh. this would be really the whole aiming for the highest echelons of capitalism thingy. which is.. i dunno. nice in its own way i guess. but, i guess i kinda already missed the boat for this one cos you must go to business school? but i must admit, it sounds pretty interesting. even on a like, leisurely basis. ive been reading about forex and furtures and stocks and stuff. am still super blur about all these. but one day. yes. when i have at least a few hundred spare ill go try it out and hope i dont get burnt. =/ (my dad would say im being stupid)

yah. so like that lorh. how how how.

2009-03-02T15:09:00.003+08:00

i am having real trouble deciding what to do for the next half a decade. hmm. although its sorta partially decided for me already. do this degree thing. see what happens next. ive decided that theres no point trying to plan for the long term. afterall, i know ill change my mind anyways. so.. yeah. although i did try to make a mini concession to planning for the future. i took up a savings plan with an insurance company. like hahaha. omg, wow gail. can you really afford to do that right now? yeah. thirty plus per month for 25 years. TWENTY FIVE LONG YEARS, YOU! can you actually count? how many months is that! yeah. i figured if i dont start saving now, i never ever will. which is like, true lah. yeah. besides, if that suicide thingy really does work out within this period, therell be a payout which goes to my parents as well. so thats a good thing i guess. after twenty five years i dont intend to be stuck with a desk job. no waysh. something more exciting please. haha or.. something ultra boring but brings in the moolah. which brings me back to: what the hell am i going to do? i have two more years of attending lectures and tutorials, writing essays. actually i dont quite mind the lectures and tutorials. the essays. oh god. how they kill all inspiration. they actually do give quite interesting topics to write about. but.. faced with this thing that says. here. write about this. by when. or else. interest deadens quite quickly.

anyways. yes. what am i going to do? right now i dont care about the whole "rest of my life". i dont even know the here and now. i dont even know what i want. this sucks.

2009-03-01T13:31:00.003+08:00

i love those magic moments when music and movement come together. haha, totally overdoing the alliteration. the familiarity really rocks. and how we can dirty dance while keeping it totally platonic. it would have been perfect with maybe two shots in the middle of the night (tired) but yeah. haha can enshrine it with the best night out in a damn long time.

anyways, looking through the programme for the nusso concert i felt a sense of.. loss? so exciting k, it would have been really cool to play those thingthings. =( i guess.. win some lose some? i wonder if what ive gained is worth giving up these things though. i dont even listen to music any more. haha unless 987 when im washing trays counts. not.

i dont know how im gonna go back to lectures and tutorials tomorrow. and the writing of overdue essays.

2009-02-26T16:01:00.002+08:00

In the previous three general elections, the time-lag between the release of changes to polling districts and the release of the Electoral Boundaries Report has ranged from 19 days for the 2001 election, to six months for the January 1997 election. -ST

whywhy. whywhywhy must you do this so earlyy.. =( they released changes to polling districts alreadeee. and look what it says up there. you have until 2012, mateys.. or was it 2011. i dont get to vote. =( this sucks.

2009-02-24T14:29:00.002+08:00

WHOOO. way to go yawningbread. im behind you on this! haha, if a march really were organised, id definitely be there.